23-year-old refuses to take 15-year-old brother on vacation because she suspects he stole $300 from her: 'He hasn’t spoken to me much since the money went missing'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Jun 15, 2025 8:00 PM EDT

If you've ever been in a school setting, you've probably heard kids referencing the Geneva Convention, deeming collective punishment a war crime. While it is true under the law, that doesn't bar teachers from taking something away from the whole class or parents taking something away from all of their kids because of the actions of one. On an interpersonal level, collective punishment is not a war crime, nor is it a regular crime. 

The drawback of collective punishment is that it almost always breeds resentment. The person who didn't do anything won't see the error of their ways, because their ways had no mistake. They will just be angry at the person who did the thing worthy of being punished. It's all well and good if one anonymous kid in a classroom ruined something for everybody, but what if it's someone's brother or sister who ruined their chance to go on vacation?

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  • 01

    AITA for not taking my brother (15M) on a trip I (23F) promised him because I think he stole from me?

    About a week and a half ago, I found out that $300 was stolen from my wallet. I know it was taken sometime between Monday night and Tuesday morning. I counted it before bed and again in the morning, and $300 was just... gone. No one else
    via u/RevolutionaryFee7699

  • The sister in this story is in a difficult position. She could either take a vacation away from her brother for something he didn't do, or let him get away with stealing $300 without any punishment. She doesn't have any hard evidence that he stole the money, but that's what her gut instinct tells her.

  • 02
    Cheezburger Image 10517123072
    via Christopher Campbell

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 03
    besides my immediate family (my parents and two brothers) had access to the house or my purse, which was in the kitchen. I confronted everyone calmly and gave them the chance to return the money anonymously in an envelope with no questions. asked. It was never returned. So
    via u/RevolutionaryFee7699
  • 04
    we had a family meeting. I explained that I can't feel safe in my own home until the money is returned or someone takes responsibility, but no one confessed. Out of everyone, I'mm most suspicious of my brothers..
    via u/RevolutionaryFee7699
  • 05
    My older brother (19) has OCD and has compulsions around money, which is why I initially thought it might be him. He makes decent money but always seems broke or is spending impulsively. He's told me multiple times he didn't do it and that he would never do something like that to me. Still, I couldn't help
    via u/RevolutionaryFee7699
  • 06
    Cheezburger Image 10517123328
    via Nixon Adonis

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 07
    but be unsure. Lately though, I've been more suspicious of my youngest brother (15). He hasn't spoken to me much since the money went missing — which is unusual because he used to talk to me daily especially about our upcoming vacation. He also didn't say a single word during the family meeting. He doesn't have a
    via u/RevolutionaryFee7699
  • 08
    job or any source of income, so the motive and opportunity would be there. If he did take it and already spent it, that would explain why it hasn't been returned. Here's where it gets even harder: I have a 12-day road trip planned in three weeks with my boyfriend and my little brother. I invited him months ago
    via u/RevolutionaryFee7699
  • 09
    Cheezburger Image 10517123584
    via Martin Kallur (IG: @mkallur)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 10
    and was really excited to take him to see the mountains for the first time, go crystal hunting, and volunteer together at a homeless shelter in Colorado. I'm paying for everything — gas, food, activities ―because I wanted to give him a meaningful experience. But after this whole situation, I feel incredibly uneasy. It's hard to
    via u/RevolutionaryFee7699
  • 11
    justify taking someone on a trip I'm fully funding when I have a gut feeling they might've just stolen from me. I haven't accused him because I don't know for sure, but I also can't ignore the signs and I don't want to reward or enable that kind of behavior either. The worst part is I doubt
    via u/RevolutionaryFee7699
  • 12
    I'll find out who took the money before the trip. I don't want to exclude him if he didn't do it, but there's also a very real possibility that he did. I'm planning to have a serious conversation with him soon and let him know that unless the money is returned (or unless I know who took it)I don't feel comfortable taking him. I
    via u/RevolutionaryFee7699
  • 13
    want to be clear that I'm not accusing him outright, but that the trust in our relationship (and honestly in my whole family) has been broken because no one came clean. Would I be wrong for not taking him even though I promised? I feel so torn. I care about him deeply and want him to come-but I also feel like I'd be betraying myself if I just acted like nothing happened.
    via u/RevolutionaryFee7699
  • 14
    shanboat NTA, sit him down and have a chat, let him know that who ever took that $300.00/ is the reason he can't go on the trip, Cause that is part of the money that you were using to pay his share! See his reaction, Either way" a lesson is learned here
    via u/shanboat
  • 15
    RyanStoppable Yes, and if the youngest brother didn't do it, the lessons are that he gets punished for something he didn't do (that will be how he sees it), his sister doesn't trust him, and her word is no good.
    via u/RyanStoppable
  • 16
    bnyc One bad apple spoils the bunch. 1 thief and 3 other decent people = a house I don't want to live in. Sometimes collective punishment is what brings the truth to light, or at least causes everyone else to be as ped at the thief as you are cause their actions have not just affected her money but has also ruined his plans. NTA
    via u/bnyc
  • 17
    HistoricalQuail The problem is is it isn't collective punishment, the only person who would be punished is the younger brother.
    via u/HistoricalQuail
  • 18
    Hazy_Metaphors True! I made a comment about this earlier, but I think she needs to be honest about the relationship she has with her brother and what would cause her the most emotional turmoil: 1. Little brother is the thief and gets to go on the trip with no consequences.
    via u/Hazy_Metaphors
  • 19
    2. Little brother isn't the thief and feels punished by her when she backs out of taking him on the trip. She needs to honestly assess what scenario she'd most likely regret, then make a decision from there.
    via u/Hazy_Metaphors
  • 20
    Glittering-Rush-394 Just announce to the family that you can no longer afford to take the little brother. End of point. No blame to your game, just facts. Also get a lock for your bedroom door.
    via u/Glittering-Rush-394
  • 21
    Shadow4summer This is the right answer. Nobody one is accused and it's understandable you cannot afford it anymore.
    via u/Shadow4summer
  • 22
    scrapples000 NTA - but it's a tough situation, but you don't actually have any proof that he took the money. You have three other suspects and if it turns out that your little brother didn't do it and he suffered the consequences, you'll probably end up regretting it and unnecessarily hurting your relationship.
    via u/scrapples000
  • 23
    Even if he did take the money, publicly confessing at a family meeting might've not been comfortable for him. Have you considered talking to him 1-1 calmly to say that your trust in your family has been shaken and that if he did take the money it would help if he told you (even if he spent the money). That it would help to restore your trust?
    via u/scrapples000
  • 24
    Wraithowl I agree. This is one of those relationship breaking or relationship making moments. While I would encourage you (OP) to be a lot more careful with your money around your family, I also think you should carefully consider how this could affect your relationship with your little brother long- term and whether or not $300 is worth potentially breaking that relationship for years to come or maybe permanently. The other way to look at it is like this: is your word worth $300, especially whe
    via u/Wraithowl
  • 25
    Keywstkitten Idk, you aren't SURE it's him, he's a 15 year old and might've done something stupid. Definitely sit down with him and talk about it but I think you should take him. In 10 years you might not care about the money but you'll remember the once in a lifetime trip with your little brother. Definitely stress to him how wrong it is to steal and all that so he doesn't repeat it IF it was him.
    via u/Keywstkitten

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