60-year-old mom demands that son's 23-year-old girlfriend make her curly hair more "presentable" for her fancy birthday dinner, she refuses to change her look to appease her: "Could do something more "elegant" with your hair[?]"

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  • 01

    AITA for refusing to cut my hair for my boyfriend's mom's birthday dinner?

    "I love my hair. It's big. It's dramatic. It's me.' "
  • 02
    So I'm (23F) dating this guy (25M) for about a year now. Let's call him Jake. Jake's family is... well, let's just say they still think it's 1954 and everyone's supposed to dress like they're going to meet the Queen every Sunday.
  • 03
    Anyway, Jake's mom is turning 60, and his family planned this big fancy dinner at one of those places where the menu doesn't have prices and the portions look like decoration. Cool, I can play along.
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    6
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    But a week before the dinner, Jake casually says, "Hey, my mom asked if you could do something more 'elegant' with your hair for the dinner. Maybe like... get a trim or put it up or something less 'wild'."
  • 06
    I was like, um, what? First of all, I have curly hair. Like actual curls. Not the kind you get from a curling iron. I love my hair. It's big. It's dramatic. It's me. I haven't cut it in over a year because I'm growing it out, and it's finally hitting that glorious lion-mane stage.
  • 07
    I asked, "What exactly did she say?" and Jake goes, "She said you're beautiful, she just thinks you'd look more put-together with a sleeker style. Like... more presentable." Y'all. Presentable? For who? The queen? The soup that costs $50?
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  • 09
    I told him nicely, "Look, I'll dress up, I'll wear the heels that make me walk like a baby deer on ice, I'll even avoid cussing for one night. But I'm not cutting my hair because your mom thinks I'm too fluffy!"
  • 10
    Jake got quiet and then said I was "making a big deal out of nothing" and "why can't I just compromise to make a good impression?"
  • 11
    Osidestarfish When is a compromise not a compromise? When one side gets their way and the other side gets nothing. tell your boyfriend that that's not a compromise. NTA.
  • 12
    Literally_Taken When is a compromise not a compromise? When you compromise yourself.
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    -Blue_Bird- Exactly. And also think about what they will be asking you to change about yourself next??
  • 14
    Jenny-Gap304 A compromise should respect both sides. Your hair is a part of who you are.
  • 15
    Ellia 3324 A "compromise" would be asking her to style her hair differently, provided it's something that can be undone at the end of the day. But even that is problematic - there are things you just don't compromise on, and IMO appearance (outside of wearing appropriate clothes for events) is one of them.
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    Like, if the mom was being awarded a prize for her lifelong work, that kind of super-formal event - then maybe I get her asking the OP to style her hair differently for the day (style, not cut), with the
  • 17
    understanding that it's a suggestion and not a demand. But asking her to get a haircut for a birthday dinner, no matter how fancy? The boyfriend should have shut it down immediately.
  • 18
    info_maniac_19 Red flag time. Cut (not your hair) and run. But not in heels
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    Impossible_Box_3004 OP Hahaha I literally laughed at this. You're right though, I'm definitely not trimming myself down to fit someone else's aesthetic. Might just sprint outta there in socks, heels in hand like Cinderella at 11:59.
  • 21
    Celtic Mage15 NTA. Stand your ground and wear your hair any way you want. If this exposes huge red flags in your relationship, so be it. He needs to 1) be proud of you no matter your hairstyle and 2) defend you to his mom.
  • 22
    Impossible_Box_3004 OP Thank you!! That really means a lot, I was starting to feel like maybe I was being dramatic, but yeah I want someone who actually likes me as-is, not just when I'm "toned down" to fit some outdated idea of what looks proper. If my hair is the dealbreaker, then maybe it's not just about the hair, y'know?
  • 23
    Party-Bumblebee8832 NTA, but I really want to see the hair now. Lol I'm kinda jealous. Even if I curl my hair and put a ton of spray on it. The curls won't stay.
  • 24
    akkrook Lose the boyfriend who won't tell his mom he likes you as you are
  • 25
    HereForTheDrama280 The audacity it takes to ask someone to cut their hair for a dinner
  • 26
    Which_Incident_9283 You've been with him for a year? Is this the first time his mother has actually looked at you? Um... hard NO WAY and you are NTA!!!!
  • 27
    Kip_Schtum I'm trying to imagine the state of mind I would have to be in to even contemplate saying something like that to one of my sons' girlfriends. I think I'd have to feel really entitled to telling people what to do and I think that I know what's best about everything.
  • 28
    Imagine having a person like that as your mother-in- law! Yikes. If your boyfriend won't support you in this... and push back to his mom then he's not worth having as a boyfriend. NTA.

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