‘Play stupid games, win stupid prizes’: Longtime employee puts arrogant middle manager in an uncomfortable position during a Father's Day-themed team icebreaker, exposing manager's sideways leadership skills

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  • "[His] face went from ghost white to beet red." 3 6999 THE
  • "Play Stupid Games, Win Stupid Prizes: A Father’s Day Special"

    I (28F) am a firm believer in play stupid games, win stupid prizes. I've been with my company for six years-longer than anyone in our
  • department aside from our Senior Director. I like to think I have a great relationship with my coworkers. We're open,
  • respectful, and transparent, and many of us have worked together for 4-5 years. We know each other well and look out for one another.
  • There's one exception: Roger (fake name, obviously). He's a middle manager over one of the teams in our department. He
  • joined a little over a year ago and doesn't really understand how my team works. That didn't stop him from deciding, about six months
  • in, that he was going to "overhaul" all of our processes- despite not knowing what we actually do or why we do it the way we do.
  • Unsurprisingly, that led to a lot of internal issues. If you try to explain why something won't work or push back even slightly, Roger completely shuts down.
  • He'll exclude you from conversations, claim you're being negative, and whine to others about how you're "resisting
  • progress." He did this to me, and I haven't been included in any of his discussions since-something that's been noticed and talked about among the rest of our team.
  • Fast-forward to last week. Roger announced he had finalized his "new process" and scheduled an in-person demo at the office for
  • yesterday. Someone on his team sent out the invite-and, based on the look on Roger's face when I walked in, I'm guessing I wasn't meant to be included.
  • Before starting the demo, Roger decided to do a little icebreaker and asked everyone to share how they celebrated Father's Day (which was this past Sunday). A
  • few coworkers glanced at me. For context: my dad passed away nearly three years ago after a long battle with cancer. Everyone
  • on the team knows—I had to take time off to help care for him, and when he passed, our director had the team sign a condolence card. Everyone knew-except Roger.
  • When it was my turn, I said simply, "I visited my dad." Roger-who has a gift for putting his foot in his mouth-asked, "Did you bring him a gift? Take him out to eat?"
  • I replied, "No." Then Roger launched into a ten- minute rant about how our team "over-celebrates" moms and neglects dads (our team is mostly women), how shameful it was that I hadn't done more for my father, and how I should be ashamed. Right there. In front of everyone.
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  • I calmly said, "I think my dad would be happy with the visit. Would you like to see the picture we took together?"
  • Roger jumped at the chance. "Yes. I can always tell if someone's really happy or just faking."
  • So I pulled out my phone, opened my Photos app, and said, "Shot... I guess I'm not in the picture. But he is-and that's all that matters." Then I turned the screen toward him. It was a photo of my dad's headstone.
  • Roger's face went from ghost white to beet red. He didn't say another word—just quickly moved on to the next person.
  • Later that day, our Senior Director (who wasn't at the meeting) called me. Apparently, Roger ran straight to her to complain about how "disrespectful" I was, how I "don't take him seriously," and how I "undermined his authority."
  • I calmly asked if he also told her he publicly berated me in front of the department for not doing more for my de d father. She was
  • silent for a moment, then admitted he hadn't mentioned that part. I gave her the full story and told her that the rest of the team would be more than willing to back me up.
  • She said she'd talk to others—but also that she thought my response was a bit "out of line." I told her I disagreed. If Roger thought it was appropriate to shame me in front of the team, he should be ready for the consequences. Sometimes, the prize for playing a stupid game is exactly what you deserve.
  • aaiceman Wow. If the company is big enough for HR, I'd be filing a complaint about his lack of respect/sensitivity. Possibly even him making it a hostile workplace.

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