40-year-old allows 35-year-old sister to pay her mortgage and avoid foreclosure, refuses to attend youngest sibling's baby shower at her house 6 months later: 'She couldn't imagine being in Sally's home after what she did to her'

We all know that nobody is perfect, and if we're lucky, the people who are going to be most accepting of that are our families. While it is true that plenty of people have the misfortune of having unsupportive relatives, many more know that they can rely on theirs in the event that they make mistakes or fall on hard times.

Depending on the circumstances, this can sometimes involve the lending or spending of money, and sometimes, this money is not an insignificant amount. Even for family members who have a close connection, this can become a source of tension or drama if they are not careful, and with those who have a more difficult relationship or are especially entitled, the chances are even higher.

Simply put, gratitude and recognition are important when someone is helped out of a tight spot by a family member. Without it, things can quickly go sour.

Author image for Ally Perry Ally Perry
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  • 01

    AITA for telling my sister to take accountability or leave me alone?

    1 year ago I (30F) received a panicked call from my sister Sally (35F) because my parents house was going into foreclosure. My parents had stopped living in that house in 2014 and let my oldest sister Ann (40F) and her family live there, with the understanding that she would pay the mortgage. My parents are immigrants and had called Sally because they did not understand the letter they received. Sally learned that the mortgage had not been paid in over 6 months and they had sent multiple letters
    via Ancient-Sock-2112
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  • 02
    Cheezburger Image 10520539136
    via Fellipe Ditadi (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • This is exactly what happened between three sisters after the oldest allowed the middle child to save her from disaster, then refused to acknowledge it. The 40-year-old had been given their parents' house with the understanding she would pay the mortgage, but had been defaulting on payments and was about to get the property foreclosed.

    Her 35-year-old sister stepped in and made a payment to keep the house in the family, but her older sibling was far from grateful. When she hosted a baby shower for their youngest sister, the oldest refused to go as she blamed her for the house nearly being taken away. The youngest sister told her to accept responsibility for her actions, and she wanted support for her decision.

  • 03
    Months pass and I decided to use the holiday travel for baby showers as this was my 1st pregnancy. Sally offered to throw me the baby shower at her home. Ann never showed up and gave different excuses to different people. A few weeks later, I get a voice note from Ann crying saying she couldn't come to my party because she couldn't imagine being in Sally's home after "what she did to her" and to reach out to her "when I was ready". Heavily pregnant and hormonal, I was upset she would try to blam
    via Ancient-Sock-2112
  • 04
    Cheezburger Image 10520539392
    via Yiran Yang
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  • 05

    Commenters shared their disbelief at the older sister's actions.

    Goat Tacos NTA. I'm sorry but it sounds like your sister Ann is a dumba who got lucky her family was able to bail her out and save the house. Doing this and acting like a child while you're pregnant is pretty immature. She maybe the oldest but she definitely needs to grow up.
    via GoatTacos
  • 06
    James_Laure Right?? Like she almost let the house go and still thinks she's the victim make it make sense.
    via James_Laure
  • 07
    Squeakhound NTA. Ann did a terrible thing to your parents, and ultimately you and Sally, as only because of you two was the crisis averted. To this day she hasn't admitted, let alone apologized for her behavior. She does need to take accountability, and you are right to call her on it.
    via Squeakhound
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  • 08
    Ancient-Sock-2112 OP Ann has said no one else has the right to comment on it since it is none of their business. The extended family seems content to let her act like nothing happened, going so far as telling Sally she should have never gotten involved.
    via Ancient-Sock-2112
  • 09
    LittleHouse82 So if Sally shouldn't get involved then your parents house would be repossessed and that would have been ok for the extended family? I presume Ann has never paid back what she owed? Did she at least maintain the house before almost loosing it and then moving out? Totally NTA - you and anyone holding Ann accountable. Those who are letting her get away with it however are totally TAs.
    via LittleHouse82
  • 10
    Pkfrompa NTA There's no relationship without honesty and trust.
    via Pkfrompa
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  • 11
    Divers Mum NTA what the Ann think would happen if she didn't pay the mortgage? Please tell me Ann doesn't have kids so didn't pass down those moron genes. Honestly, I'd rip her a new one for her inconsideration and entitlement then ghost. No one should have to put up with that
    via DiversMum
  • 12
    NotYourInnocent You literally helped save the house and now ann wanna act like ruined her life for stepping up?? that's insane!! "she had months to fix things and instead she let y'all get blindsided" honestly sounds like she's used to no one holding her accountable and now she's mad someone finally did. You don't owe her a relationship if she can't own up to her .protect your peace especially now that you're a mom. Stay positive for yourself
    via NotYourInnocent
  • 13
    pennyxita NTA, Ann seemed like she had taken advantage of everyone and got away scot-free and now cries like a victim.
    via pennyxita
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  • 14
    NTA. Feodora_simps Sally literally paid the debt that Ann had because she didn't pay the mortgage. The audacity to blame Sally for saving her a is so infuriating. Ann probably going to cut you off aswell because it seems like she doesn't know what taking accountability and being responsible means. If i was Sally i would've demanded the money back or have Ann move out.
    via Feodora_simps
  • 15
    Orbita2k2 NTA - you didn't "bring up the conflict with my parents". She did when she said she "couldn't imagine being in Sally's home after "what she did to her"."
    via Orbita2k2
  • 16
    Savings Rhubarb8746 NTA. Ann dragged you into it by leaving you the voice message blaming Sally's "interference"/rescue of the house for her not attending your baby shower. At that point, you were at perfect liberty to tell her that Sally rescued your parents when Ann nearly lost their house to foreclosure, and if Sally hasn't done that, you would have yourself.
    via SavingsRhubarb8746
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  • 17
    NTA Afraid_Jelly2891 Ann ignored the mortgage. Whether this was because she could not afford it and felt shame, or because she was negligent, or because she put her money else where is irrelevant. The fact of the matter is that the family almost lost a substantial asset because she neither kept up with her financial obligations or told anyone she was struggling. It is definitely no Sally's fault, if anything Sally is the hero here for saving the house. It's definitely not OPs fault either. I wou
    via Afraid_Jelly2891
  • 18
    No_Web_5604 NTA at all. You didn't create the mess-Ann did. You just refused to pretend it didn't happen. Let's be real: your sister almost let your parents lose their home, lied about it, and then played the victim when someone (rightfully) stepped in to fix her disaster. Now she's ghosting baby showers and sending cryptic guilt-trips like you did something wrong? She doesn't want accountability-she wants silence. And you said "no." Good. You're not ruining relationships; you're just refusing t
    via No_Web_5604
  • 19
    NTA ladystetson but Ann has some serious issues going on. She's lying, hiding and avoiding accountability. • People lie when they have something to hide that they are ashamed of. • People hide the truth when they have something going on that they are ashamed of. • People deny accountability when they are ashamed of their actions to the point that they aren't emotionally capable of owning the fact that they actually did it. If you asked me, I'd say Ann is struggling with addiction or has an ab iv
    via ladystetson
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  • 20
    thr748 NTA. Ann needs to get her sh together. I'm guessing that your parents let her get away with a lot of things over the years and that's why she is the way she is. Good on you for drawing boundaries and not letting her treat you and your sister however she wants just because you're family. Although she's the eldest she seems like the least emotionally mature. Sometimes family members don't realize that just because you're related doesn't mean they get a pass to treat you badly. The ball is i
    via thr748
  • 21
    bluebit77 NTA, but it sounds like you should stay away from that..she tries to get a reaction from you. Because that opens a line of communication and they will try to manipulate you, because you're a decent person.. Just don't, people around her will figure it out, she will do the same thing to them. You don't need to defend yourself, people know. your sister is perfectly capable of messing up her own life, don't get involved.
    via bluebit77
  • 22
    Keely369 Some harsh words were said, but my parents decided to let it go in the name of peace. Yeah I get the idea Ann always got away with everything 'to keep the peace.' That's why she grew up so entitled and irresponsible. Sally did nothing wrong. NTA.
    via Keely369
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