'You’re not going because you can’t afford it': Woman wants $375 back from 18-person bachelorette trip deposit but insists on finding another way to go

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Jun 25, 2025 10:00 PM EDT

Bachelorette trips have become huge sites for drama. And not just because it's a clash of personalities during a high-pressure situation. It's because they've gotten so expensive in the last couple of years. People insist on going on big trips to far-flung destinations, which quickly adds up.  Not to mention getting the time off work, which you might want to use for your own vacation and not somebody else's. It's a lot to sweat about because you don't want to upset the bride. I know people who have cut off friends for not attending their bachelorette trips/destination weddings. For my money, if they do, then they weren't good friends to begin with, but I digress. 

It's no wonder that a lot of discourse and drama crops up around these trips. It usually falls on to one person to deal with: the maid of honor, or whoever booked the trip. And it's usually their credit card on the line, so a lot could go wrong.

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    Cheezburger Image 10521376768
    via Ansspvt Titan

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 02

    AITA for telling a girl she's not coming to the bachelorette because she can't afford it, after she kept changing her mind and having other people speak for her?

    I'm the MOH planning an 18-girl bachelorette. In January, I started the group chat and put down ~$7k for the Airbnb. Everyone had until March to pay their $375 share. This week I sent the rest of the budget, $250 due by Aug 1.
    via u/sniffin_sharpies

  • That's what happened in this twisty, dramatic story about a bachelorette trip that went wrong before it even began. When one potential attendee was worried about money, they tried every which way to weasel around it. Read on to see what happened.

  • 03
    Then I got a text from a girl we'll call A: "Hey it's A! I didn't realize we were going to have to send more money on top of the $375 we sent. I just moved into my first apartment and I have no money to give at the moment™ or in the next couple of months. I definitely cannot afford it right now. Do you want to just give me the $375 back? Or is there something we can do for me to still go? Lmk thx."
    via u/sniffin_sharpies
  • 04
    I replied, "I'll send you your money back." She said: "Okay! Thx." I refunded her, reran the numbers, and updated the group.
    via u/sniffin_sharpies
  • 05
    The next day, I got a text from girl B saying she and A now want to come just for Saturday. A bit frustrating, but I said okay and adjusted the budget again. Later that night, another bridesmaid told me girl C had contacted her to ask me to give A an extension. I've never met A, B, or C, and I was confused. So I texted A:
    via u/sniffin_sharpies
  • 06
    "Hey, I'm honestly confused. You mentioned you couldn't pay and wanted your $375 back, then B said you're both coming just for Saturday, and now D is asking C about an extension for you. I totally understand things can change, but each time they do, I have to redo all the numbers, which is a lot to manage. Can you let me know your final decision so I can plan accordingly?"
    via u/sniffin_sharpies
  • 07
    A: "I didn't say I wanted my $375 back, i asked if you wanted to give that to me or if there was something we can do for me to still go. Because I want to be there for BRIDE. I didn't ask B to ask you for me she just did it and so did D. They just want me to go. I will do what D and C are saying...thx."
    via u/sniffin_sharpies
  • 08
    Me: "You said 'i have no money to give at the moment or in the next couple of months. I definitely cannot afford it right now. Do you want to just give me the $300 back. That sounds like a beat around the bush way of asking for your money back to me.
    via u/sniffin_sharpies
  • 09
    I don't care who asked who, all I care about is your final decision. You didn't ask me for an extension. You did not come to me with a plan 'hey, money is tight for me. Would I be able to send you half of my remaining balance on August 1st and the other half August 15th?' Not 'I definitely cannot afford it now or in the next couple of months.' I'm not a bank. I don't know you. I'm not in charge of your finances."
    via u/sniffin_sharpies
  • 10
    A: "Or is there something we can do for me to still go? Lmk thx' Did you not read this? Not beating around the bush at all but god why are you being so rude..you could have given everyone a heads up that the price could change or have some kind of budget..i understand this is stressful for you, but you don't need to be ride to people especially people you don't know. I'm good actually. I just won't go. Hope it's easier for you lol. When BRIDE asks why I'm not going anymore, I'll be sure to let h
    via u/sniffin_sharpies
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    Me: "You're not going because you can't afford it."
    via u/sniffin_sharpies
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    Cheezburger Image 10521378048
    via Taylor Friehl

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    Commenters had a lot to say about what was going on here.

    the805chickenlady • 8h ago ESH. Also an 18 person bachelorette party sounds like hol on Earth to me.
    via u/the805chickenlady
  • 14
    kurokomainu • 9h ago NTA Your last reply cuts through all the BS. She was hinting and indirectly asking through her friends for you to "somehow" make it possible for her to come. She doesn't want to directly ask and commit to paying herself at some point.
    via u/kurokomainu
  • 15
    She was hoping that you would offer something without her having to ask and she would end up not having to repay anyone, with the cost absorbed by the group or you (I'm sure she doesn't care where the money actually comes from as long as it's not from her pocket). She ends by threatening to blame you if she can't come. Your reply neatly put an end to the whole game.
    via u/kurokomainu
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    ThisWillAgeWell ⚫ 9h ago . Another commenter here said "Communication has been poor all round". and I'm inclined to agree. Text messages are fine for brief, unproblematic issues, or for confirming what you've already
    via u/ThisWillAgeWell
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    spoken about so that you have written evidence in case of any misunderstanding or dispute later on: "This text is just to clarify, we agreed on X, Y & Z during our phone convo earlier. Correct?" But for any situation that is delicate or awkward, such as asking for a special favor, text
    via u/ThisWillAgeWell
  • 18
    messages are not ideal because you can't discern tone from a text, and it can inflame an already tense situation. I would particularly like to know what led A to get this idea into her head: "I didn't realize we were going to have to send more money on top of the $375 we sent."
    via u/ThisWillAgeWell
  • 19
    Why not? Are A's powers of comprehension lacking, or did OP fail to spell out clearly right at the outset that everyone would be expected to pay $375 in March and another $250 by August 1? In the absence of further information, I'm going with ESH.
    via u/ThisWillAgeWell
  • 20
    No-Potential-7242 8h ago • I feel sorry for everyone here. There are still people who won't talk to me because I couldn't afford to go to their insanely expensive weddings and the endless expensive events around them and some of them are now divorced and remarried or have kids who have left home.
    via u/No-Potential-7242
  • 21
    What you should take from this situation is this rule for yourself: NEVER put money down on behalf of a group. Do not do it. If you absolutely have to be the organizer, ask for a deposit from everyone. You'll find that people magically stop messing you around when they have to pony up.
    via u/No-Potential-7242
  • 22
    Was this person ride? Yes. But she clearly can't afford the trip and is struggling to figure out how to make things work. She's not the organizer, so doesn't realize how incredibly time- consuming and awful it is to organize events. You shouldn't have to deal with it all and it's understandable you're sick of rearranging everything.
    via u/No-Potential-7242
  • 23
    At this point, remind yourself that as far as organizing this trip, you're like a professional who is working on behalf of the bride. People may frustrate the h I out of you, but try to keep the peace for the bride's sake and remind yourself that you'll expect someone to do the same for you one day!
    via u/No-Potential-7242
  • 24
    I would write to this person and say something like, "I'm sorry about the tension. I know these this is expensive. It's a struggle for me because I have paid for everything so far and people keep changing their plans. Could we Zoom and talk about how to make this work/clear the air?
    via u/No-Potential-7242
  • 25
    KMN208 8h ago First of all: Wo wants to spend what will likely end up ro be roughly $1000 when considering travel and food on a forced vacation with 18 people you barely know to celebrate one person? That's an insane expectation.
    via u/KMN208
  • 26
    Secondly, it sounds like total cost wasn't communicated properly. People should ask, but organsizers should also be very clear on that or even better: ASK what people are willing to spend and where their hard limits are. Why isn't this the standard first question in bachelorette-
    via u/KMN208
  • 27
    groups? $100 might be nothing for one person and the difference for having money for food for another. You may argue that that person simply can't afford the bacherlorette, but as a bride I'd rather have a simple bachelorette with all my friends than a luxury event that means somemone close to me is either missing or really straining financially.
    via u/KMN208
  • 28
    ESH, potentially including the bride for unreasonable expactions
    via u/KMN208
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    • Real_RobinGoodfellow 9h ago What an exhausting situation
    via u/Real_RobinGoodfellow
  • 30
    Effective_Manner8848 8h ago ΝΤΑ, • As an adult, I take other adults at face value. I am not a mind reader, if someone tells me they cannot afford something I am not going to make a wild assumption that they are low key asking for an extension. I am going to take them at their word.
    via u/Effective_Manner8848
  • 31
    If I was organizing an 18 person bachelorette party I would not have the energy to play passive guessing games with potential guests, especially ones I don't know.
    via u/Effective_Manner8848

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