33-year-old gets excluded from her friend's bachelorette party while 5 members of their friend group of 20 years attended without question: 'I feel humiliated. Like a spare part in a friendship I thought I was still part of.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
May 3, 2025 8:00 AM EDT

We've all had the experience of being The One excluded from our friend groups, and it's so painful. Most of us like to think that now that we've graduated from junior high, we're much less likely to be intentionally excluded by those closest to us, but that's not always the case. One of my best friends lived abroad for a year and returned to find that her six best friends had all created a group chat without her called "The Sixers," refusing to even take a picture with her upon her arrival home. These were literally adult women! The way I see it, if you decide to cut off a friend like that, you should be strong enough to at least tell them to their face instead of letting them find out about their exclusion from other sources. Nobody wants the stomach-churning experience of seeing all of your besties tagged in a photo at a place you weren't invited to. 

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  • The woman in this story experienced exclusion at this level and is at a loss regarding what to do about it. Should she come crawling back to the friends she's known since she was 13, or should she say goodbye because they don't care enough to include her? 

  • 01
    бай
    via Ann Danilina

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 02
    I've been part of a friendship group since I was 13 (I'm nearly 33 now). There are 7 of us in total. While some are closer to each other than others, we've kept a group chat going for years. I've always seen them as my oldest and most meaningful friends, the kind you assume will be in your life forever.
    via u/Chaotic-Pumpkins
  • 03
    This weekend, I opened Instagram and saw that five of the girls had gone on a long weekend hen do for one of the group's weddings. I had absolutely no idea it was happening. No invite. No heads-up. No mention at all. The only other one not there has two kids, so I assume she couldn't go but I was simply excluded. The whole thing was planned behind my back.
    via u/Chaotic-Pumpkins
  • 04
    To be clear: I know I haven't been the most active in the group chat recently. I've been doing a PhD and I even gave them a heads-up a few years ago that I'd be less present for a while. But I still showed up when it mattered I travelled across the country for everyone's 30th birthdays, and I've always backed them, even from a distance.
    via u/Chaotic-Pumpkins
  • 05
    What's hurt the most isn't just missing the hen, it's the silence. Not one person said, "Hey, just so you know..." or gave me a chance to understand. They just carried on like everything was normal.
    via u/Chaotic-Pumpkins
  • 06
    After finding out, I spoke to two of the girls (my closest friends). They were shocked I wasn't included and admitted they were confused by the bride's (Rachel's) decision. They told me there hadn't been any falling out or issue from me, and they were really upset to see how hurt I was.
    via u/Chaotic-Pumpkins
  • 07
    When I said I was thinking of leaving the group chat and cutting ties completely, unfollowing everyone, stepping back, they got really emotional and said they didn't want me to go and that felt extreme.
    via u/Chaotic-Pumpkins
  • 08
    Cheezburger Image 10501052416
    via Daniil Onischenko

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 09
    But honestly? I don't know if I can stay. I feel humiliated. Like a spare part in a friendship I thought I was still part of. The trust feels broken. Part of me wants to just walk away quietly, not to punish anyone, but to protect myself and give myself the dignity of closure. The other part of me is scared I'll look like the dramatic one or regret walking away from 20 years of history.
    via u/Chaotic-Pumpkins
  • 10
    So... WIBTA if I cut them all off after this or should I just distance myself from the bride, since it sounds like she made the final decision?
    via u/Chaotic-Pumpkins
  • 11
    Cheezburger Image 10501052672
    via Yawen liao

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 12
    LindonLilBlueBalls NTA. You don't have to cut them off completely, but maybe just "quiet quit". Don't make any effort if you aren't getting reciprocal effort. Put the group chat on DND and only reply to texts sent directly to you. Only answer calls, don't make them. Check in on yourself in a month. Are you happier than before? Are they making more of an effort to include you? Have any of the others even noticed you stepping back?
    via u/LindonLilBlueBalls
  • 13
    Strong-Conclusion-52 It's not only the non-invite but the fact no one told you...you had to find out via social media. Are you invited to the wedding? Either way, I'd take a step back from everyone. Even the two closest friends. Why didn't they tell you? Why keep it a secret?
    via u/Strong-Conclusion-52
  • 14
    hickyfromkenickie also how did they plan it if you're all in a group chat together? Do they have a separate chat with you not in it would be my concern
    via u/hickyfromkenickie
  • 15
    Eatitwhore And tearing up everything she says in the group chat in their other chat is also a possibility. I say cut ties. How did they think you would take this gut punch? With a smile? F them.
    via u/Eatitwhore
  • 16
    UpbeatEquipment8832 It was probably a group chat minus OP and the other friend, created by the bride. That's not particularly suspicious.
    via u/UpbeatEquipment8832
  • 17
    PrideofCapetown Totally agree. They can all get bent. "admitted they were confused by the bride's (Rachel's) decision" confused but couldn't be bothered reaching out to you. Not just the "two closest friends", but all of them. OP, none of them are worth your time or friendship. If by some miracle you do get an invite to the wedding, it's only because the bride wants an extra gift
    via u/PrideofCapetown
  • 18
    Chaotic-Pumpkins OP This is exactly the main struggle. They have openly said they knew I would be upset and I think that's a big part why they couldn't tell me beforehand. I believe I am invited to the wedding BUT she's not sent the invites out yet.
    via u/Chaotic-Pumpkins
  • 19
    I have told the two of them I need a bit of time away and that I'm still in my 'gut-reaction' phase. They have aologised (alot) and one started crying when she thought I was cutting her off. So after this I really don't want to do this with these two but we definitely have things to work on.
    via u/Chaotic-Pumpkins
  • 20
    Poku 115 "They have openly said they knew I would be upset and I think that's a big part why they couldn't tell me beforehand. " they have basically told you keeping the peace is more important than your feelings. B_lls on your court
    via u/Poku115
  • 21
    DMPinhead It's more than just keeping the peace. There's no way they could have kept this a secret, so what did they think would happen then? Unless they've all got the brains of an olive (certainly possible, but I'm assuming not), they're pushing OP out.
    via u/DMPinhead
  • 22
    Frequent-Mistake-267 My favorite part is that friend groups where this isn't the case are more rare than not. So take it for what it is. Sometimes friends are just people it's fun to be around and that's as deep as you let it go. Especially the older you get. Making friends in school? 1000x easier than making friends in your 30s.
    via u/Frequent-Mistake-267
  • 23
    Charred Meathammer I believe it means the friends were shocked when Rachel told them that OP wasn't invited.
    via u/Charred_Meathammer
  • 24
    boxofsquirrels I thought they were shocked when you told them you weren't invited? Now they're saying they knew all along?
    via u/boxofsquirrels
  • 25
    Beach Realistic4785 I clung to a 15yr friendship because it had went on for so long The day I ended it, I seen something similar - an event I said I'd like to go to with them, but they said it was tradition for them to go with just this other person. That was cool. Then on social media I'd seen they'd invited 5+ more people and I was like ya.. this is over. I just never spoke again. And funnily enough, neither did they. It was clear it was a de d friendship. It's been the most peaceful year.
    via u/BeachRealistic4785

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bachelorette friendship besties best friends middle school bachelorette party friends best friend reddit story hen do wedding reddit thread Reddit friend group trip
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