'A part of me feels selfish for keeping her from having a better cat life:' Torn between love and loyalty, a college students struggles with rehoming rescue cat due to cramped dorm room and boyfriend's allergies

Author image for Sarah Brown
Sarah Brown • Writer and Editor
Jul 8, 2025 7:00 PM EDT

This cat pawrent is caught in a tail-twisting tug-of-war between romance and responsibility. After rescuing a scared little kitten from under a fence last summer, she gave the floofy feline a cozy home in her college dorm room. Sure, cats technically aren't allowed, but this one snuck her way into her life (and heart) before she even had a name. Now, a year later, the kitten is thriving. It's fed, safe, and secretly ruling her one-room queendom.

Enter: the boyfriend. Charming, sweet… and very allergic to cats. Despite not pressuring her directly, he's floated the idea of rehoming her whiskered roommate. Now, the pawrent is spiraling with guilt. She's torn between her attachment to her first cat and the very real concern that maybe someone else could offer a "better" life. Bigger space, vet care, more attention.

But here's the thing: the cat already has something priceless. A hooman who saved her, sheltered her, and never gave up on her. That's not nothing. Rehoming isn't evil. But giving up a beloved pet for someone else's comfort? That decision should come with claws out clarity, not pressure or guilt.

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  • 01
    'She needs a home, not a hiding place'
    via Katelin Kinney / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    Last summer my family found a little kitten trapped under a fence behind their house. They have four big dogs that are way too rowdy to be around a kitten, and my dad is allergic, so I took it in.
    via Ok-Heart3536
  • 03
    I'm currently in college and live in a dorm room by myself. It's not the biggest area at all given that it's a single room, but it has decent living space. Now, this cat is technically not allowed in the dorm building at all because she's not certified as an ESA (emotional support animal). She's yet to be spayed due to financial and
    via Ok-Heart3536
  • 04
    automotive issues, and the people in charge have no idea she exists. I have to sneak food and litter into the building to conceal the fact I have her because they know me and will ask questions. I took her in because she was just so cute, and I knew my family would not have been able to maintain her around all of our dogs, and they're not the best with pets at all. No way could I have left that little cute kitten at their house. So I took her.
    via Ok-Heart3536
  • 05
    When I first got her, I was attempting to find her a good solid home. She was traumatized from her outside experience, so I was not comfortable with giving her away to become an outdoor cat. The few people who were interested or offering to take her all suggested having her outdoors
    via Ok-Heart3536
  • 06
    for a while, and I just couldn't let that happen to the cute little baby. So I kept her until I could find another home. A month or so passed by and the school year started up, and finding a home for the kitten quickly got pushed to the back burner as assignments and work started piling up. I didn't
    via Ok-Heart3536
  • 07
    name her for almost three months and only named her because my friend group insisted she had a name (to be fair, I really couldn't decide, and wasn't sure how attached I should get).
    via Ok-Heart3536
  • 08
    I am a bit attached to her now, but I've always been more of a dog person. Sometimes though, her personality comes out a bit more and I can see it and am all gushy over her. The other day she stood over her food bowl, and sat down. I assumed she wanted food, and so I filled it, like normal. THIS TIME though, she looked at the food
    via Ok-Heart3536
  • 09
    Cheezburger Image 10526123520
    via pixelshot / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 10
    bowl and proceeded to come over and rub on my leg as cats do, saying thank you. She's never done that before, and she just seems to be opening up a bit? I am attached to her.
    via Ok-Heart3536
  • 11
    Now to the point. I've recently gotten into a relationship with my boyfriend (24M) and it's going really good. We do things together that literally make me feel like I'm on cloud nine and transported back in time. And while we are slightly new (just a couple months) he's been crashing with me. We've probably sped run the relationship a bit, but it feels so natural. We're
    via Ok-Heart3536
  • 12
    already cooking together, laundry. We ride bikes, he reads to me and I read to him. I am seriously falling so deeply in love with this man it terrifies the f out of me because I've never been in it with someone before. However, he's really allergic to cats. Like really. He has to take allergy meds multiple times a day as well as use prescription lotion and ointment on areas that he breaks out in. One
    via Ok-Heart3536
  • 13
    night he slept over, the next morning he woke up coughing so much it was actually concerning. I'm a very clean person, I'd say, but cat hair gets everywhere and on everything. I clean a LOT though, because I hate a mess and disorganization. I really keep up with her, and he stays on top of his
    via Ok-Heart3536
  • 14
    meds to where he can at least breathe and function. He's been staying with me some days for the summer since he lives an hour away from school and didn't get a room on campus, so he's here a lot, and I really like him being here.
    via Ok-Heart3536
  • 15
    The issue: since even before we got together, he made an assumption or a nod towards me rehoming my cat. I obviously felt a sort of slight against that because we weren't even together and he was already talking about possible relocation. He didn't mention it again until about a month later, when we were more involved and
    via Ok-Heart3536
  • 16
    the day he woke up coughing a lot. He's went home that day or weekend or something and I deep cleaned my room and did all of my laundry to contain any cat mess, and it was like walking into a slightly different room. It was so clean bruh. He's stayed with me more and we've become official, but I can even tell it's affecting him. I can quite literally see the difference in his skin, around his eyes, in his breathing.
    via Ok-Heart3536
  • 17
    Cheezburger Image 10526123264
    via Africa images / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 18
    He mentioned that his cousin is a mom with three kids who is looking for a cat. He mentioned it offhandedly. Every time he mentions the cat, I get quiet. I get conflicted and confused. I don't know what to do. This is my first cat, and she's GORGEOUS. like I literally won the cat distribution lottery with this one because she's a Siamese with a white stripe perfectly straight down her nose and she's the cutest thing ever.
    via Ok-Heart3536
  • 19
    But a part of me feels selfish for keeping her from having a better cat life. She has just this small room and a tiny cat tree. She stays fed and her litter stays cleaned. I don't play with her a whole lot, but she's a very independent cat really. Not the most affectionate. But what if that family could give her a better home? And spay her, and keep her loved and fed
    via Ok-Heart3536
  • 20
    without having to have her holed up in a single room. At the same time, I KNOW she's safe with me. I have no idea where I'll be when I finish school in two years, but that's two more years my cat will be holed up in my little room.
    via Ok-Heart3536
  • 21
    I keep going back and forth on whether or not to actually give her up to a better home, one that's familiar with cats and can love her and care for her as she needs to be cared for. She's never even been to the vet, and it's been a year. I'm also conflicted because I've always seen how people give up their pets for their partners,
    via Ok-Heart3536
  • 22
    and I'm realizing more and more how much partners have an effect on me because I have a small spine when it comes to myself (I'll fix in time, that's not the current issue).
    via Ok-Heart3536
  • 23
    I will say my boyfriend is not forcing me to give up my cat, or backing me into a corner about her. He did however say that he will have to not be around as much, and go home more, which means less time with him during the summer before fall starts back up with classes. I also don't have a car right now, so I can't make the drive to him when he doesn't feel like making the drive to me (hasn't happened yet thankfully :))
    via Ok-Heart3536
  • 24
    I say all this because I'm going in circles. I need someone to help me weigh this out for real and tell me objectively. I've never had a cat before and I just want what is best for her. So WIBTA if I rehomed my cat because my boyfriend is allergic?
    via Ok-Heart3536
  • 25
    OneSweetShannon... YTA already for not properly taking care of the cat. ywbta if you gave up you cat to spend more time with your boyfriend. but since you're not gving the cat its best life, i think you should rehome, for you cat's sake, not your love life's.
    via OneSweetShannon2oh
  • 26
    SeaMollusker NTA cause it doesn't sound like the cat is living a particularly good life at the moment. Rehoming it is better for everyone involved. You can always drop by and visit if you want.
    via SeaMollusker

  • Sometimes the hardest choice is the kindest one. Letting go might break your heart a little, but it could give this sweet kitty the space and care she truly deserves.

  • 27
    Ok_Environment5... Please find a rescue or no kill shelter and surrender her. Giving her to someone else who might not get her spayed or vaccinated is not a good idea.
    via Ok_Environment5293
  • 28
    Normal_Row5241 YTA You need to find that poor cat a good home with a loving family.
    via Normal_Row5241
  • 29
    Sea-Skin6866 NTA for re-homing. That's what you need to do. You can't take care of her. It has nothing to do with the BF. You haven't taken her to the vet, haven't gotten her spayed, have to hide her. She needs a home, not a hiding place.
    via Sea-Skin6866
  • 30
    Next-Adhesivene... Nta. You saved this kitty and have put off rehoming her for way too long. This other family will get her spayed and all of that. She will be fed and loved. Just do it. It's okay to let go.
    via Next-Adhesiveness957
  • 31
    thewrath5097 Thank u for saving the kitty. NTA because you tried to keep her and are doing your best. You now realize this isn't a good situation all around. Please re-home her and know that you did all that you could.
    via thewrath5097

  • You gave her a safe, loving start and that means everything. But a cramped dorm isn't forever, and she deserves room to roam and thrive. Letting go might be the next loving step.

  • 32
    sustainablelove You either make a commitment to an animal or you don't. You decide your priorities and then act accordingly.
    via sustainablelove
  • 33
    Beneficial_Bat_1... YTA for rehoming a cat because of a guy! My husband is deathly allergic to cats and suffers from extreme eczema because of cats! He gives himself shots and puts cream every day! He does everything to make me happy and to keep my 2 cats! That's true love! Not this asking from day one to get rid of it!
    via Beneficial_Bat_1986

  • If he's already hinting you should give up your cat, that’s a red flag with claws. The right guy wouldn’t make you choose between love and your fur baby.

  • 34
    DramaticReach9854 YTA for multiple reasons: 1. You don't have a BF. You have a who's using you because he didn't get a dorm or housing close to campus, so he's crashing at your place for free. Dump the freeloader. It's great you rescued the
    via DramaticReach9854
  • 35
    kitty, but she needs to have all her vaccines and to be spayed. If you can't afford this, then you are doing this cat a huge disservice. There are services that does offer vaccines and spays for free or a discount price. You just need to look them up.
    via DramaticReach9854
  • 36
    2. NEVER rehome any animal for a BF. You had your kitten first, and she's your first priority, not some loser who is using you for free room (see #1).
    via DramaticReach9854
  • 37
    If you're so determined to keep the freeloader and dump the cat, take it to a no-kill shelter. They will provide this baby with all her shots and a spay and make sure she goes to a loving home. Then please, dont ever get another animal because you will put your next BF needs before your pets needs
    via DramaticReach9854

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