23-year-old refuses to participate in her company's Christmas in July party because she doesn't want to buy a gift for her 19-year-old coworker who she hates: 'I just can’t justify spending money on her'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Jul 10, 2025 8:00 PM EDT

Secret Santas are fun if you're doing them for people you want to hang out with, but they're a pain if you have to do them for someone you have a transactional relationship with. I enjoyed participating in Secret Santa with my college friend group because we didn't have enough money to get great gifts for nine different people, so we spent $40 on one gift for each person, and it all worked out! We even used Elfster so we could list out the things we liked and wanted, so nobody got a dud gift. 

I'm also a fan of White Elephant gift exchanges. It's fun to give and receive humorous and impractical gifts, even with coworkers and acquaintances. Most parties keep the budget for White Elephants low, so it's an accessible way to give. There are circumstances where people may not want to give presents, and these are understandable.  

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  • Nobody should be forced to buy something for their coworkers, especially when they're already working a low-wage job. The managers in this story were peeved that their employee wasn't participating in their annual Christmas in July gift exchange, but she had a pretty good reason not to: she hates her coworker.

  • 01

    AITA for not participating in my company’s Christmas in July?

    I (23F) have been working at a small restaurant with about 35 staff members total for about 2 years now. I get along great with everyone who works there, except for 1 girl, Mara (19F) who started about 3 months ago.
    via u/No_Custom
  • 02
    I do not like this girl. I have tried really hard to like this girl. Mara refuses to do the bare minimum parts of her job (ignores tables, won't do side work, won't run food, etc), will cry and break down into hysterical sobbing when asked to do her job, or literally have a foot stomping, item slamming tantrums when
    via u/No_Custom
  • 03
    Cheezburger Image 10527924992
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 04
    the sobbing doesn't work. She will lie and say that she did do her job, and belligerently sob when you catch her in a lie as she isn't a very good liar and they're very easy lies to catch if you just go back and check her work.
    via u/No_Custom
  • 05
    All of the trouble she causes ends up COSTING me money because if I work a shift with her, I'm the one waiting her tables, running refills, etc or else the managers will get cross with me for "not putting the customer first." I've
    via u/No_Custom
  • 06
    done a spreadsheet and I make less tips on nights I work with her because my tables get slightly more neglected when I'm helping her, while she gets to pocket the full tip from what are technically her tables that I waited on.
    via u/No_Custom
  • 07
    My coworkers thought it would be fun to have a "Christmas in July" potluck like we do for the actual day of Christmas in December and Thanksgiving in November. For both of these
    via u/No_Custom
  • 08
    CROCK POT 0000
    via Jacob McGowin

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 09
    things, I made a homemade baked Mac and cheese to bring to the potluck both times. I adore cooking, and I adore sharing my food with friends, who I consider many of my coworkers to be.
    via u/No_Custom
  • 10
    I wrote down that I'd be bringing food to the potluck, but when they asked me if I'd be participating in "luau Santa" (it's just secret Santa in July ) I said no, that I don't really have the money with it being July and all.
    via u/No_Custom
  • 11
    We're not a tourist town and we really slow down during the summer, and I still have 2 pets and my little brother to feed while he's out for the summer. I made excuse after excuse to not sign up for this part.
    via u/No_Custom
  • 12
    My managers kept asking and asking and asking if that was the real reason, until I finally told them that it's not just that I don't have the money, it's that I don't want to risk getting paired with Mara and having to buy her something, so I won't sign up at all. I just can't justify spending money on her in my head when I know that she already costs me money every time I work with her.
    via u/No_Custom
  • 13
    My managers think I'm the AH for refusing to play, because we need an even amount of people, I told them to stop bothering me about it or I wouldn't bring anything at all to the potluck. AITA?
    via u/No_Custom
  • 14
    DORDAY
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 15
    Individual_Metal_983 Your managers aren't managing this employee, That is the issue. They can't be the only restaurant in town looking for staff. NTA
    via u/Individual_Metal_983
  • 16
    phantomezpass Also, they don't need an even number for "luau Santa”. They can just randomly assign people, it doesn't have to be pairs. Not the point, and you're nta, but this also bothered me.
    via u/phantomezpass
  • 17
    lycrashampoo yeah what?? it's a loop, you can just do a loop, OP's bosses are doing a terrible job of employee management AND Secret Santa
    via u/lycrashampoo
  • 18
    shoobe01 The last part more than anything. There are tons of bad managers and indifferent managers who don't stop bad staff from with good staff. The chances of you making it better are near zero (unless there's something else in the background like you expect the owner was going to purge the current management) so just find another job, if you possibly can.
    via u/shoobe01
  • 19
    ETA also bad management tends to not be in one area only so there's a good chance the restaurant just folds, so you need to at least start putting feelers out and have opportunities lined up if suddenly they close or start firing staff.
    via u/shoobe01
  • 20
    Discount_Mithral NTA. You also need to address her lack of work ethic with your managers, and if nothing is done, find a new job. If this kind of behavior is being tolerated, your managers are the true AHs here to allow a spoiled girl get away with not doing her job and pocketing tips for tables she didn't wait on. Maybe ask if you can stop tip pooling?
    via u/Discount_Mithral
  • 21
    No_Custom OP We don't tip pool with each other. The hosts are apart of our tip pool, but it's like 2% of our total tips for the shift and I don't mind because the hosts are a huge help.
    via u/No_Custom
  • 22
    What happen with me and Mara is her tables flag me down, saying they didn't get their food or they need refills or they haven't seen their waitress in an hour, I take care of their needs (because they're guests and it's not their fault their waitress sks at their job), but when it's time for the table to cash out, the cash out is still under her name, so if they tip, the tip goes to her in full, unless they directly hand me cash.
    via u/No_Custom
  • 23
    Discount_Mithral Then unfortunately, your response to those people needs to be "Let me go find your waitress for you!" And send her a out there. If she pitches a fit, go find the manager. Don't even engage with her. As the saying goes, the squeaky wheel gets the grease. Both you and the customers who aren't being served need to be those wheels. If your manager asks why you aren't pitching in to help anymore, be honest.
    via u/Discount_Mithral
  • 24
    "I'm serving my tables as I am assigned to do, they take priority for me. I won't sacrifice service to my tables to do the job of someone else who is fully capable of doing it. If you don't think she is able to cover her section alone as any of the rest of the staff are able to do to the point I need to do her job for her, then perhaps she needs to be given a smaller section or put on slower shifts. I will not do her job for her, especially because I am not being tipped by the customers in her s
    via u/Discount_Mithral
  • 25
    NeighborhoodTasty271 Be sure to share the spreadsheet showing how you make less money when she is on with you.
    via u/NeighborhoodTasty271

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terrible coworkers server servers waiter coworkers Secret Santa restaurant office party karen coworker Party waitress company coworker restaurant server
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