Suffocating in-laws show up at engaged couple's home 6 weeks before their wedding, future bride is concerned about the in-laws' expectations for the couple to cover all of their living costs: ‘None of the adults that came to visit, work’

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Jul 19, 2025 9:00 PM EDT

Wedding anxiety is real, but that's usually due to the expectation of perfection and wondering if your skin will break out the night before, not because your in-laws are overstaying their welcome in your small home.

No one wants to admit their in-laws stress them out for fear of seeming entitled, but it's a real fear. You're marrying into their family, after all, and any moment might potentially make them view you differently. This is the case for many future in-laws, who understand that everyone is human. However, for the in-laws in this next story, it's impossible to win them over unless you give them everything you have: time, lodging, money, and more.

This next story, which is told from the perspective of the future bride, illustrates just how negative an experience can be with your in-laws. First, they come to their apartment six weeks before the wedding. Then, it's unspoken that the couple pays for everything while they are staying with them, on top of their wedding costs. The woman's husband fails to stand up for her and the anxiety surrounding these circumstances, and instead, defends his family. She is now looking for answers regarding how to compromise with her in-laws without making a lasting negative impact on her relationships with them. Scroll below to read the full story.

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    "When I tried to make a comment about them helping financially my fiancé said they have no money and we cannot ask them to pay for anything."
    via Carlos Derecichei for Unsplash
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    "In-laws arrive unexpected 6 weeks before wedding…"

    I am from the states but my fiancé is from Mexico. Since we have been living together (3 years) we have had two long term guests. The first was his family (mom, sister, her husband, daughter) coming for 6 weeks from Mexico during holidays. They came and it was
    via Jmorgan314
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    like they moved in. I started getting high anxiety and retreating to my room and not wanting to socialize after the first few weeks. It was overwhelming. My fiancé took it as me not liking his family. The second was my mom who came to recover from surgery for 6 weeks. It was rough
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    on our relationship because she ignored boundaries that we tried to have and instigate fights. Good thing is my fiancé realized that my anxiety wasn't only tied to his family visiting. After that we put in a two week visitor max rule. Fast forward a few months...
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    As we were winding down from Fourth of July week where we spent the week at the lake and hosting a few family members from our home. That Saturday we
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    were enjoying our guests last evening we received a text from my fiancé family that they were at the border and would be at our house Sunday as they planned to continue driving straight through.
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    So Sunday morning the planned guests leave and now the unexpected guests (mom, sister, uncle and niece) arrive expecting to stay until the wedding. I express my concern to my fiancé who basically said he had no control over it. He did ask them
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    to leave after 9 days to go to another city (5 hours away). We are the only family here in our state and the other city has all the rest of his family. Brother, cousins, aunts, etc.
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    My anxiety started growing as soon as we got the text they were coming. I tried to set a few boundaries and am unsure how well my fiancé communicated them because the specific things I asked were ignored. This all accumulated on the day before they left - I had an anxiety attack and wanted to run away. But had
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    no where to go. I try to explain my feelings but in the moment my tone can be very irritated as I try to find the right words. My fiancé interprets me as mad at him, his family, his fault and so he shuts down.
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    I did some research and believe I have Guest Stress Syndrome. Basically get high anxiety from hosting people in my home for long periods anxiety attacks - from losing my safe space.
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    Cheezburger Image 10531548416
    via Kateryna Hliznitsova For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    This leads me to now... I want them to come back. My fiancé wants to visit with his family. But I know that I cannot make it through 3.5 weeks with guests and having my wedding in the last day of that.
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    They plan to come back after only one week in the other city. I am trying to make plans for them and come up with some written "rules" or things that trigger my anxiety (rearranging furniture, reorganizing, going in my room, not planning who is cooking ahead of time, pets, etc).
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    The other layer to this is financial. I am super budget conscious so in addition with the GSS I also worry about supporting the family. None of the adults that came to visit work. The expectation is for us to pay them to do work. example, instead of
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    my house cleaner his sister went ahead and cleaned the house so we will pay her instead. I understand the business side, but personally I don't feel comfortable for my future sister in law that I met twice to be cleaning my entire home. It feels
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    too personal and also not something I want my guests do. We also pay for food and alc ol which adds up very quickly. When I tried to make a comment about them helping financially my fiancé said they have no money and we cannot ask them to pay for anything.
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    Now, the uncle has helped around the house with small honey do list type chores. And his sister is helping keep things tidy and laundry. I am grateful for these things. But I also don't know how much we "owe" for these things since it was mentioned they want work for pay.
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    Am I the a h le for not wanting his family in our house the whole time? A compromise is them staying two weeks and then 10 days before wedding at an Airbnb. I can't help but feel resentful for this option because the cost in
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    addition to the food and alcol is adding another 1500-2000 expense I wasn't planning on having this month before the wedding.
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    I also feel resentful that, although I am the one with GSS and anxiety, that this problem is in my lap. I would feel extremely guilty if they didn't come back at all until wedding because my fiancé doesn't get to see them often since they live in Mexico.
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    My fiancé doesn't want to be in the middle and would rather tell them not to come at all until the wedding to avoid confrontation. Amlan a h le? I am open to any and all ideas of compromise!!!
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    Note.. I did make a list of written considerations that we can share with them when they return and for any future guests. The hard part is how to enforce when your guests (typically loved family members) ignore them. Any advice/suggestions are so welcome! Thank you for reading.
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    Edit: additional important info 1. The family are visiting LEGALLY. This is not a political / immigration issue.
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    2. Back at home the mom and sister are supported by his father who is retired from a very respectable higher paying job. However, when they come to the states (father doesn't travel and is very controlling with the family money) the expectation is that my fiancé and his brother support the mom, sister and niece while here. I'm not saying it's right or wrong, it's just how they have operated the last 10 years before I was even in the picture.
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    T-nightgirl Wow, that's a lot to unpack. I think asking them not to come at all, period, is the best answer. I mean, do you really want to do deal with this when you're getting married - and everything that goes along with that?? Their inability to pay their own way is not your problem either ... they're all adults and can figure it out on their own. I wouldn't allow it.
    via T-nightgirl
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    BeepBopARebop This is goin to keep happening after you get married. You and your fiancé need couple's therapy now to learn how to communicate and understand each other's feelings. If you both participate in the process, you can probably sort out this issue in a handful of sessions. Do it now or you're setting yourselves up for a lifetime of grief.
    via BeepBopARebop

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