Boyfriend breaks up with girlfriend after seeing her hoarder house for the first time, gets mad at him for leading her on: 'I could literally taste the overpowering smell of mold and mildew in my mouth.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Jul 21, 2025 8:00 AM EDT

Cleanliness is one of the many things you need to be compatible with your partner about. Most people fall somewhere in the middle: neither total clean freaks who need to deep clean the house once a day, nor slobs who haven't washed a single dish in 10 years. Most disagreements about cleaning come down to little things. Do you come from a household where everyone washes the dishes they dirtied and nothing more, or a household that does all the dishes in one fell swoop, no matter who dirtied them? Do you come from a house where it's acceptable to go number one in the shower? These are usually the kinds of discussions you have with a partner when you first move in together. While there's room for some compromise, you can't build your life around someone if you're constantly arguing about chores because you don't share the same cleanliness standards. 

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  • Sometimes, you realize that your partner is way too messy for you before anything gets serious. If you go to their house for the first time and feel alarmed by the amount of stink they're willing to put up with, they might not be the one for you.

  • 01

    AITAH for breaking up with her after I saw her apartment

    I had been seeing this girl for a few months. We met through a friend so I had known her a little longer but she was gorgeous and I was super into her.
    via u/Healthy-Yogurt397
  • 02
    Cheezburger Image 10531857664
    via Nora Hutton

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 03
    Last saturday she invited me to her place which I had never been to. She had mentioned her apartment was a mess and I laughed cause I thought she was just being self deprecating, but when we got to her place... hooooly sh dude.
    via u/Healthy-Yogurt397
  • 04
    I want to start off by saying I know that people have their reasons for stuff like this and I don't want to be disrespectful in any way. But the state of her apartment was genuinely shocking when I first went in. It was a pretty small place and I'm not just talking about clutter.
    via u/Healthy-Yogurt397
  • 05
    Literal piles of trash on the floor, sink full of dishes overflowing onto the counter, stains on the couch and carpet, week old food on the table and just piles and piles of stuff everywhere. Not to mention the overpowering smell of mold and mildew that I could literally taste in my mouth.
    via u/Healthy-Yogurt397
  • 06
    She told me to sit down and stuff like it was completely normal and I tried not to act weird but I'm sure she noticed. I stayed for a bit and we watched a movie on the couch but I left before it got too late.
    via u/Healthy-Yogurt397
  • 07
    Cheezburger Image 10531857920
    via Natalia Blauth (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 08
    The next day I called her and told her I didn't think things were gonna be compatible between us and she got mad at me for leading her on and breaking up with her for no reason. I didn't mention the apartment but idk maybe I should have.
    via u/Healthy-Yogurt397
  • 09
    Literally nothing about her appearance or personality would lead me to expect this so it was sort of unbelievable to see the state she was living in. I feel bad for her and I'm worried I might have acted too quickly.
    via u/Healthy-Yogurt397
  • 10
    Cheezburger Image 10531857408
    via Bruno Guerrero

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 11
    Icy-Internal8263 NTA. But I do think you should've mentioned the apartment. People who don't know what the problem is cannot take any corrective action. Tell her and move on.
    via u/Icy-Internal8263
  • 12
    Illustrious_Study_30 I think you could be right. My niece is like this. She lived with us for a while and completely trashed her room and didn't appear to have any qualms about the kitchen or lounge either. She's a grown adult and we had to ask her to leave, such was the mess and stench. She doesn't seem to care or need to do anything about it. In fact, I'd say she's bot hurt we couldn't tolerate her mess, like it's perfectly normal. She needs to be told be her contemporaries, because she certai
    via u/Illustrious_Study_30
  • 13
    Upper-Replacement529 My oldest sister is like this, everyone has told her and offered to help her clean up her house, now she just doesn't let people into her house. Even her car is disgusting but if you knew her outside of those two scenarios you would never know. She dresses well and her hygiene and appearance is impeccable. She just won't change. I feel badly for her kids.
    via u/Upper-Replacement529
  • 14
    Whatever53143 There's a difference between clutter and filth. Also hoarding is a real problem. It's not like you expected it to be spotless, but yikes! Women don't like dating men who live like pigs so why should men put up with it.
    via u/Whatever53143
  • 15
    SexyFoodandFilms this is that episode of friends... NTA
    via u/SexyFoodandFilms
  • 16
    Healthy-Yogurt397 OP Might have to start watching friends to see what I should do
    via u/Healthy-Yogurt397
  • 17
    Few-Requirement-1609 Monica goes over to clean it lol. Watch it
    via u/Few-Requirement-1609
  • 18
    LostCtrl-Splatt Nta I've had a similar situation that was pretty spot on apart from she wasn't very attractive. The kitchen had cups with a fungus growing on top of the liquid, dirty underwear scattered in the bedroom and hallway.
    via u/LostCtrl-Splatt
  • 19
    Her kids had been taken away by CPS. I saw the letter and quickly skimped over it. Having kids myself, I didn't want that happening to me. i don't mind a mess, but as previously stated, if you have cups with life in it you are a bit beyond messy.
    via u/LostCtrl-Splatt
  • 20
    M_Pfefferi I wish I had paid attention to this red flag. I didn't, and now I'm having to extricate myself from a long-term relationship that has been severely damaging to my mental health. NTA.
    via u/M_Pfefferi
  • 21
    LeopardStock7572 Same. After two years tried everything, helping him, doing it together, him still procrasternating, ended up exhausted from doing 2 homes and when coming to his place all the stuff from the two weeks not being there piled up. I told him i cant do it anymore. I'm only coming over when he cleans up (we talked about what should be done). Recently we were together for something else in his area and had something to eat at his place. Ordered food because the whole counter was full wi
    via u/LeopardStock7572
  • 22
    said i'm not staying it's bad for my mental health. He says "Oh well, I already knew you were leaving because its never good enough for you miss". He only put his sheets from his bed in the washing machine. Dog hair all over the floor, table piled with stuff, clipped nails on the small table, sh stains in the toilet. Plastic wrappers and cartboard from all sorts of food and impuls buying bulls stuff. When hes at my place I have to clean two times harder because he makes a mess everywhere he goes
    via u/LeopardStock7572
  • 23
    Thunt4jr NTA. I married my wife without really knowing what her lifestyle was like. From what I understood, she grew up homeless after her parents divorced, and because of that, she developed a habit of hoarding. She's constantly afraid of becoming homeless again, so she holds onto everything.
    via u/Thunt4jr
  • 24
    If I had known what life with her would be like, I probably would have walked away before it got serious. But I stayed married for nine years, and honestly, it was a nightmare. I was always cleaning up after her and trying to get rid of stuff we didn't need. She had things like 21 sewing machines, five litter boxes for one cat, and she even collected old razors that other people had used.
    via u/Thunt4jr
  • 25
    Now I'm finally going through a divorce, and I feel like I can breathe again. If I had known about her hoarding issues from the beginning, I never would have moved forward with the relationship. You are absolutely not the a hole. That kind of behavior is a major red flag.
    via u/Thunt4jr

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Dating-Relationships boyfriend dating fails hoarders hoarding gross dating nightmares relationships girlfriend gross food dating nightmare dirty dating filthy Reddit
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