41-year-old mom and her 20-year-old son move in with her 38-year-old boyfriend, son constantly disrespects boyfriend and refuses to do chores or pay rent: 'He acts like he’s doing me a favor by just existing here'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Jul 21, 2025 11:00 AM EDT

Have you ever seen the Reddit post that goes a little something like this?

"I'm a 25-year-old man who recently started dating a 50-year old lady. Her 30-year-old son refuses to call me "dad" and won't give me the respect I deserve. How do I get him to change?"

Obviously, this post and all variants are a joke, but they do point to a very real point of tension in age gap relationships where the older partner has kids who are older than their younger partner. This dynamic is explored on Modern Family, where Luke and Manny get into a fight after Luke repeatedly calls Manny his uncle. In real life, no self-respecting 30-year-old would expect their older partner's 35-year-old child to call them by any sort of parental title. They were never a parent to them, and never could have been. But that doesn't mean the younger partner can't desire some basic respect from their older partner's adult children.

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  • The dude in this story wants to be respected in his own home. His girlfriend and her adult son moved in with him, and it's been a nightmare. He doesn't feel comfortable being around his girlfriend's son because he's so hostile towards him, and doesn't even do bare minimum roommate duties.

  • 01

    WIBTAH if I ask my partner to move out after her adult son kept disrespecting me in my own home?

    been troubled lately so I need some advice. I'm 38M and my girlfriend 41F moved in with me about a year ago along with her 20yr. old son. It was supposed to be temporary while she figured out a new place after some stuff
    via u/Ok-Dare5071
  • 02
    KITCHEN BEDROOM FRAGILE FRAGILE
    via Faruk Tokluoğlu (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models

  • 03
    with her lease fell through. I didn't mind I care about her and I wanted to help. I have a decent sized place and I figured we could all make it work for a while.
    via u/Ok-Dare5071
  • 04
    But man her son just doesn't like me. I don't know if it's personal or if he's just like this in general but from the beginning he's had this attitude super dismissive and kinda arrogant. He barely says two words to me. I'll ask him something simple like hey can you take your laundry out of the dryer and he'll just stare at me or
    via u/Ok-Dare5071
  • 05
    say yeah whatever. He doesn't pay rent doesn't clean up after himself and acts like he's doing me a favor by just existing here. I've tried talking to my girlfriend about it more than once and every time she brushes it off. Says he's just stressed or adjusting" It's been a year. This isn't adjusting this is just how he acts.
    via u/Ok-Dare5071
  • 06
    LOSTR
    via Chris Lynch

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 07
    It's gotten to the point where I dread coming home. I stay late at work, I run extra errands just to avoid being in my own house. I love her but I can't keep living like this in silence. I feel like a guest in my own space. So now I'm thinking about asking her to move out if his son do not move out he's 20 already. Not in a get
    via u/Ok-Dare5071
  • 08
    out of my life way but just this isn't working. I still want to be with her but I need peace. I need to feel like I'm not constantly being disrespected in my own home. Would I be the a h le for that? Part of me feels like I'd be abandoning her but another part of me feels like I'm letting myself be steamrolled. I don't know.
    via u/Ok-Dare5071
  • 09
    Cheezburger Image 10532655872
    via Paymo

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.
     

  • 10
    Riley17xx NTA. bro it's your house. you opened your home to help and now u can't even relax there?? nah. 20 is not a kid, and if he can't even be civil, he shouldn't be living under your roof for free. asking for basic respect isn't too much
    via u/Riley17xx
  • 11
    Ok-Dare5071 OP yeah I adjusted for him and it's just I had enough
    via u/Ok-Dare5071
  • 12
    KaleidoscopeFun4680 NTA he sounds like a POS leech that does whatever he wants and mommy covers for him. He doesn't work? Doesn't help pay bills? Doesn't even clean up after himself?? Get him TF outta your house and tell the mom she has to go too. Honestly it's bulls she's let it go on this long
    via u/KaleidoscopeFun4680
  • 13
    OkExternal7904 OP has also been given a glimpse of what life will be like if they ever decide to marry. Yikes.
    via u/OkExternal7904
  • 14
    patti2mj I wouldn't put up with this crop from my own kid.
    via u/patti2mj
  • 15
    Dustdiefly This is a really important point! Your partner seems to be enabling this behaviour, and, as previously stated, he is not a child.
    via u/Dustdiefly
  • 16
    OriginallronDan But OP will be supporting him like one for the rest of his life. And when he moves a girl in, and she “accidentally” gets pregnant, he'll be supporting all 3, plus his own girlfriend when she quits working to "help the new mom and her precious grandchild" who will be raised the same way as her son. Holy sh! Where's the Tylenol?
    via u/OriginallronDan
  • 17
    ChibbleChobble Why are you adjusting for him? You're doing him an ENORMOUS HUGE FAVOUR which he is throwing back in your face. The fact that your girlfriend doesn't support you is a red flag. She's going to go ape-sh when you pull the plug on their freeloading.
    via u/ChibbleChobble
  • 18
    I strongly recommend that you have someone (or two) else with you when you deliver the news. Expect trouble. Ideally you will pack up their sh whilst they're out, change the locks, and recover your peace. Better luck next time, and maybe don't let random adults move in with you.
    via u/ChibbleChobble
  • 19
    No-Plan-2043 We have 2 kids from wife's previous life. The older boy (16 at the time) had a real bad attitude related to some daddy issues. I helped coach his teams, help him with his car, general life advice and anything else he needs. He was being a real for a while and it came to a head one day. After the blow up I let him know that this is my house, I don't disrespect you(him) and you won't act that way towards me. I told him there are
    via u/No-Plan-2043
  • 20
    other people that can be your guardian like your bio dad who's never seen him since he was baby, grandma, or if his mom wouldn't allow that then they'd all have to go. As much as it would s k to throw it all away I will not live a life terrorized by a child. I'll trespass you if I have to. He is fine now, he still kinda does his own thing, but we don't bot heads anymore. I get it he's a teen, life is pretty hard at that age. Full grown body, juvenile mind. If he were 20 he would not have gotten
    via u/No-Plan-2043
  • 21
    HyenaStraight8737 Also frame it as, we 3 adults living together. He isn't a kid who cannot do some chores, I don't expect him to clean up after me a grown adult, and I feel the same about him, I met him and know him as an adult, not as the little kid you do. He never speaks to me with respect and I'm helping support and provide for someone who won't even say hello to me when I greet him?
    via u/HyenaStraight8737
  • 22
    When he moves out eventually who's going to do the cleaning? Will he get a GF and she works full time plus does 100% of the cleaning like he's her child? Will he have his roommates kick him out because he never washes his dishes? I'm not asking him to deep clean the house or be a maid. I'm asking him to pick up after himself in the common areas, don't hog the laundry all day, wash up the plates he uses throughout the day and contribute to a tidy household. Vs straight up he's gotta shape up or l
    via u/HyenaStraight8737
  • 23
    Key_Advice5495 She is enabling his laziness, you may want to take time to really think if this is the type of partner you want in life
    via u/Key_Advice5495
  • 24
    softshoulder313 Plus he's always going to be her son. It may get better with the distance of not living together but she's letting him get away with a lot of bs. He may not grow out of the entitlement.
    via u/softshoulder313
  • 25
    Solid-Feature-7678 NTA. The fact that she allows this means the relationship is de d and they are just leaching off you at this point.
    via u/Solid-Feature-7678

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boyfriend toxic relationships long term relationship relationships parenting girlfriend rent chores mom toxic relationship Parenting Fail son dating apartment bad parenting
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