44-year-old man and his son move in with younger girlfriend, refuses to pay rent or groceries, offering to contribute only $400 to utilities, while she is left with a $2000 mortgage: 'I am paycheck to paycheck and feeling like he is using me'

Author image for Emma Saven
Emma Saven
Jul 25, 2025 5:00 PM EDT

What are the signs? Those little red flags that appear in the corner of our eyes, yet we subconsciously choose to ignore in the name of love.

We would never dare to believe that our loving and committed partner could be using us for their own selfish benefits. It just wouldn't add up, right? They're just so attentive, okay, they have just moved into our place with their son, and we are still paying the rent and the groceries, and the utilities. But that's just for now! They promised they would start contributing… However, that was 3 months ago.

But, no…! They are definitely not using us, are they? What's even stranger is that we do live paycheck to paycheck, and they do earn almost double our salary and still don't pay much, but we're sure they're just saving up for our future together…They're also almost a decade older than us, but age shouldn't define responsibility…should it? 

Something feels off here, I'm not quite sure what. 

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  • Welcome inside the mind of this patient girlfriend. After assessing her home situation time and time again, she is starting to realize that some red flags have occurred. And whilst she always chooses to wave the white flag of peace, she is starting to feel a bit fustrated with the financial situation at hand, wondering why so much of this weight has fallen on her shoulders for so long…

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    "If you have a problem with how we run our house, you can leave"
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 02
    OK-back story.. I (36F) am dating a 44M. I have 1 teen daughter, he has 1 pre-teen son. We both have full custody of our kids. He owns
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    his own home, I own my own home. His son does online school, mine goes to public school. My boyfriend and his son said they
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    like staying with me, at my home. Since they were staying with me a majority of the time, my BF rented out some rooms at his
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    home that he owns. 3 months this has been going on. He has only helped me with one month of utilities. Roughly $400.00. My mortgage is 2K. I am buying the
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    majority of the groceries and doing the majority of the cooking. He is still paying a mortgage at his house that he
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    does not live at. Even with the "roomates" help. The plan was we would buy a home together and rent mine out. Nothing has
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    happened. His house is not for sale, he isn't doing anything to prep the sale. Meanwhile, I am left feeling like I have taken on his
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    son and himself with very little financial help. He makes twice as much as I do. I am paycheck to paycheck and feeling like he is
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    using me. I dont know what to do. He talked me into also buying a toy hauler. When we take the kids it is on me to find the spot
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    and pay for the campground and I buy the food + do the cooking. He pays for the fuel for the bikes and truck. I can't help but feel like
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    this guy that is 8 years older than me, is getting the better end of the stick. Do men just use women like this? Is it wrong for me to
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    O
    via Tima Miroshnichenko

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    wish I could have a man come in my life to better my situation? Or lighten the load of a working single mother? DO men like that exist anymore?
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    Shoesietart Why didn't you make a financial plan before he moved in? It seems ridiculous that you didn't discuss living arrangements and costs. You need to sit down, like a grown adult woman, and discuss the financials of your relationship.
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    Basic Vegetable5806 OP I did. I told him I felt like I was taking on more responsibility and for what? So he paid me 400.00. Which doesn't even cover all utilities during the summer.
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    SketchbookSeduction You've opened your home, taken on extra financial and emotional labor, and he's barely contributing while benefitting from your space, your food, your time, and even your patience. Three months in, with no progress on shared plans and no meaningful support, is a red flag. It's not wrong to want a partner who lightens your load, that's what a healthy partnership is supposed to do
    via SketchbookSeduction
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    Jiraiyasoko If he's adding to your stress instead of easing it, he's not a partner, HE'S A BURDEN!
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    JadedLoves I don't even have to read all of this to know this is not normal and you are being used. First off, he's almost 10 years older than you (which you did note at the end). There is a reason for that. Women his age are not putting up with his cp, you shouldn't either.
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    AquaTofana_1620 He IS using you. This is not right and not sustainable. Time to sit down and have a serious conversation about finances, budgets & future, or split.
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    No_Divide6628 It sounds like you're doing all the heavy lifting financially atm. Have you sat down and talked with him about your concerns and made a fair budget and plan for the joint house?
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    door-stool This bf is showing you he does not take the relationship with you seriously. You are being used. Also, not all men are like this...
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    completedett ESH He is 100 million times taking advantage. You need to advocate for yourself or he will continue to take advantage of you. In his head you need him more than he needs you that's why he doesn't value you or have respect for you and is okay with freeloading of you.
    via completedett

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utilities mortgages payments failblog step-kids living together blended family contribution Awkward finance relationships paycheck owe dating entitled people
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