Stepmother, Sara, requests that her 19-year-old daughter starts calling her 'mom' days before leaving for college, stepdaughter refuses despite Sara raising her since 6 years old, causing divide among family members: 'She said she's earned it'

Author image for Emma Saven
Emma Saven
Aug 10, 2025 6:00 PM EDT

Some titles can be earned, whilst others are simply given. Maybe it's important to know the difference between the two.

A best friend isn't gifted to you the day you are born, a friendship takes days, months, or even years of time and effort. A shoulder to cry on is something we gain as a result of our loyalties. A King, a man destined for the role before he is even conceived, now that is a title given, based simply on the stars aligning in his favor…or some would say, the opposite. 

Now, a mother. That role is gifted after they have carried us in their bodies for 9 months, keeping us fed and warm, until we can do so for ourselves. So when someone demands the title of 'mother', this is when the vulnerable question reaches surface level: Is it a title that can be earned, or only gifted by the universe? 

If someone has taken on the role of looking after you since you were 6 years old, making sure your stomach was always full, your skin always warm and your forehead always kissed, surely that earns them, by definition, the title of a mother?

Or…is that too much to expect from a daughter who doesn't share your biology?

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  • This stepdaughter is left feeling awkward at the request of her guilt-tripping stepmother. Of course, she loves her stepmom and appreciates everything she has done for her over the last 13 years, but that does not mean that she owes her anything…

    The word ‘mom’ does not add or take away from the time and love she has put into their relationship, so granting her access to it is unnecessary, and in her opinion, disrespectful to her late mother.

  • 01

    " Later that night, she told my dad she felt “used” and like I only saw her as a babysitter, not a parent."

    Teenage girl speaking to older woman in the garden
    via Candid Shots

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 02

    AITAH for refusing to call my dad’s new wife “mom” even though she raised me since I was 6

    I'm 19F and this has caused a major fight in my family recently. I live with my dad and his wife "Sara." My mom passed away
    via DouglasCBarnes
  • 03
    when I was 5. A year later, my dad met Sara and married her soon after. She's been in my life for 13 years now, and we've always had
    via DouglasCBarnes
  • 04
    a decent relationship. She was there for me through school, helped with my homework, made my lunches, and did everything a mom would do.
    via DouglasCBarnes
  • 05
    But I've always called her Sara. She's never forced me to call her anything else and she always said it was my choice. Until recently.
    via DouglasCBarnes
  • 06
    I'm about to go off to college and at my going-away dinner, she pulled me aside and asked if I'd consider calling her "mom" from
    via DouglasCBarnes
  • 07
    now on. She said it would mean a lot to her and that she's earned it. I was caught off guard and told her I appreciated everything she's
    via DouglasCBarnes
  • 08
    done but I just don't feel comfortable calling anyone else "mom." That word still feels like it belongs to my actual mom.
    via DouglasCBarnes
  • 09
    Sara got really quiet and walked away. Later that night, she told my dad she felt "used" and like I only saw her as a babysitter, not a
    via DouglasCBarnes
  • 10
    parent. My dad told me I was being cold and disrespectful. He said if I truly loved her, I'd recognize what she's meant to me all these years.
    via DouglasCBarnes
  • 11
    Young woman speaking with her father outside
    via gettysignature

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 12
    Now the house is tense and everyone's upset. I don't hate Sara. I do love her. I just don't feel like I can rewrite that part of myself. So, AITAH for not calling the woman who raised me "mom"?
    via DouglasCBarnes
  • 13
    Ok_Conversation9750 Why is this coming up now, when you're standing on the verge of adulthood? NTA and they are being weird.
    via Ok_Conversation9750
  • 14
    Ginnylala NTA she should not have pushed. But maybe you might want to explain that you feel like it would be disrespectful to your late mother to do so.
    via Ginnylala
  • 15
    LeoPines_12 NTA. It's great that Sarah has loved. you as her own child and has been there for you, but that doesn't give her the right to demand you to call her "mother", specially when you already had one that you loved dearly.
    via LeoPines_12
  • 16
    Beneficial-Sort4795 You were 6. You didn't use her, you didn't marry her. And if she was only putting kindness coins in you until the mommy title fell out, she's gross and was actually just running a long con on you. She either loves you, title be damned, or she doesn't. But either way, that's your dad's problem, not yours. NTA
    via Beneficial-Sort4795
  • 17
    Jen_o-o_ USED?? By a six yr old?? N why is ur dad even siding with her omg. Nobody really is respecting your boundaries
    via Jen_o-o_
  • 18
    apearlmae NAH except your dad, I think. She asked, you said no. I think it would be good to have a talk with her and explain that while you love her, it's difficult because you miss your mom and you always will. I feel for Sara but all stepmothers know that while they feel like a mother, they can't replace that space.
    via apearlmae
  • 19
    Flying RoofParticles NTA You shouldn't have to call her mom if you don't want to, regardless of how wonderful she has been in your life. I don't think it's that weird that she asked you to call her mom, I do think it's out of line that she's made it tense and brought your dad into it when you said you weren't comfortable.
    via FlyingRoofParticles
  • 20
    Useless890 NTA. It would be different if you'd lost your mom so young that you don't remember her, but that's not the case. You're about to leave the nest; it seems strange that she should get upset about it now. It seems like an awkward time for a change.
    via Useless890
  • 21
    jgsjgs You're an adult and so is she. Adults usually call each other by their first names. So it's not disrespectful. The "Mom" window has closed. Your feelings are legit.
    via jgsjgs
  • 22
    Primary-Delivery737 Maybe have a heart to heart with Sara that you love her, but you cannot let go of your mom in your heart. Maybe you can both come up with a nickname or alternative than mom.
    via Primary-Delivery737
  • 23
    Hennahands NAH. You're holding your truth. My heart breaks for Sara. Love is free, but I'm always amazed how much some of it people get for free.
    via Hennahands

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failblog going away celebration Awkward raised upset parenting dad dinner family bad timing step mom college Father call-me-mom young adult
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