'I will not be giving up on her': Cat-loving wife looks after brother-in-law's friendly feline for "a couple of months", she puts her foot down when he demands to take her back four years later

We understand that life happens and things don't always go as planned. 

Fur example - we had planned on being married with kids by the time we're 30, but now we're almost 35 and have four feline fur babies instead of hooman ones. You just have to roll with the punches. Would we be happier with our original plan? Who knows, and who cares? That ship has sailed, and if we continue to live in the past, we'll never be able to build a better future.

As tough of a pill as that may be to swallow, that also applies to cats you may have to leave behind. The brother-in-law in this post had to move in with his parents, who didn't allow cats in their house, so he asked his brother's wife to look after his feline for "a few months". Well, fast forward four years, and he's finally moving out and demanding his cat back. Sorry bud, that ship has sailed as well.

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Author image for Blake Seidel Blake Seidel
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  • 01
    cat lying on a woman's lap including 'He hasn't provided any food/money for her (in the last 4ish years)'
    via Alena Ozerova

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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  • 02
    Apologies if this is the wrong spot to ask! Some 3-4 years ago, my now husband and I moved in together - he previously lived with his brother, and when I moved in, his brother moved back in with their parents.
    via Foiry
  • 03
    As a result, because his parents would not allow cats in the home, he asked if we could watch his cat (2f) temporarily for a few months until he could find somewhere else to stay. At first, he would provide cat food and litter and visit the cat every- so-often.
    via Foiry

  • What kind of cat owner doesn't know how quickly their cats go through food? We have it down to a science. Either he never paid attention in the first place, or he just fed them randomly for their whole lives. Either way, he doesn't sound like an acceptable owner.

  • 04
    His argument is that he doesn't know how quick cats go through a bag of food and that is partially why he hasn't provided any food/money for her (in the last 4ish years).
    via Foiry
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  • 05
    Now he is talking about moving out by himself, and suddenly wants the cat back. I have been providing for this cat for the last 4 years, and although I didn't want to take her at first, I have grown to love the cat and don't want to lose her.
    via Foiry
  • 06
    I have paid for everything from vet bills, to new water fountains and toys, cat trees, food, and litter. She is also bonded with our 4-year-old cat. They do everything together and I don't want to separate them. He has already said that he will not spoil the cat in ways I do (she insists | brush her fur in the mirror every morning), and she doesn't even recognize her original name.
    via Foiry
  • 07
    two cats huddled together
    via dimitrisvetsikas1969 from Pixabay

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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  • 08
    UPDATE!! My husband had an important conversation with BIL about the cat and the cat's situation, explaining that he will not be getting the cat back as he essentially abandoned the cat when he failed to take her back after a couple of months.
    via Foiry
  • 09
    BIL is understandably upset with me and I'm not really pressed about it, but also hoping he can move past it in the future. I will get her microchipped with my info as soon as my schedule permits.
    via Foiry
  • 10
    ETA: I appreciate all the advice and will discuss getting her chipped with my husband in the morning! I will also have a chat with BIL regarding my feelings for the cat and intent to keep her with suggestions that the bonded pair should not be separated. It feels silly to say that I think she is my soul kitty. I will not be giving up on her.
    via Foiry
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  • 11
    Cheezburger Image 10540674816
    via Foiry
  • 12
    kittyhm Give him an invoice for every cent you have paid for the baby. Also make sure she is chipped and it's in your name.
    via kittyhm

  • He must have been saving money by living with his parents this whole time, certainly he could afford it. He might have even gotten the cat back if he had offered to pay for her vet visits, food, litter, etc. But he didn't, he just expected someone else to do all the hard stuff and he could walk back in and take her after years. Not days or weeks…. years.

  • 13
    sybilcat Your husband should be the one telling him no. This is how your cat, you have vet bills to prove it.
    via sybilcat
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  • 14
    here_for_cats_ If you've got vet bills for her in your name, that's proof she's legally 'yours' now. Same as if she's chipped in your name. If she's chipped in his name, that'd complicate things some.
    via here_for_cats_
  • 15
    You really need your husband to lead the charge on this, it's his brother you're dealing with. Maybe he can reason it out with him that it's been so long, you've had her for twice as long as he did, she's such a beloved member of your household...
    via here_for_cats_
  • 16
    If that doesn't work, I would provide an itemised bill of what you've spent on her, including vet bills and backdated bills for litter and food. Your husband could point out that a new cat would be less expensive than catch-up bills for this one.
    via here_for_cats_
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  • 17
    Cats go through more than $0 in food and litter over 4 years, and everyone knows that. So his claim that he didn't know how much food/litter she'd go through is bull.
    via here_for_cats_
  • 18
    For the absolute worst-case scenario I would get ready for this to go to court. There's almost no chance it will, but juuuust in case, make sure all communications are calm and sane, recorded, and clear that you want to keep the cat and his failure to pay for her any of her upkeep for 4 years made you think he'd abandoned her to your custody.
    via here_for_cats_
  • 19
    cat sitting in carboard box
    via troyanphotos

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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  • 20
    CloudberryFae Truthfully I doubt someone who didn't want to pay for cat food is going to lawyer up to get said cat back. I'd just say sorry my cat now
    via CloudberryFae
  • 21
    xkissmykittyx Check abandonment laws in - your state cats are considered property, and usually abandonment applies after X amount of days. In Pennsylvania, for example, after 30 days property is considered legally abandoned.
    via xkissmykittyx
  • 22
    Ranos131 My brother-in-law's brother had the same issue. He asked my sister and BIL if they could watch his two cats. I was living with them at the time so we all could save money. Over the next few
    via Ranos131
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  • 23
    months he came by exactly three times and spent all the time with the people and didn't pay attention to the cats. He also didn't pay for any cat food.
    via Ranos131
  • 24
    During that time, one of the cats and I really bonded. The other cat had a serious medical issue come up and The brother wasn't answering his phone. My sis and BIL were given two options by the vet: Pay over $1000 for the surgery the cat needed or pay the $50 or whatever it was to euthanize the cat. They don't have $1000.
    via Ranos131
  • 25
    I told everyone the remaining cat was mine now. He was 3 at the time. He was my cat until the day he død 14 years later.
    via Ranos131
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  • 26
    You have been caring for the cat for the last few years. Cats are seen by the law as possessions. BIL abandoned the cat. After 30-90 days, abandoned possessions can be claimed by someone else. The cat is yours now.
    via Ranos131
  • 27
    Even setting all that aside, not knowing a single bag of cat food won't last four years completely disqualifies him as a responsible owner.
    via Ranos131
  • 28
    gal_tiki Have you explained to your BIL all of this? I would encourage you to do so calmly, explaining your feelings in caring for her for the last 4 years and your other cat's attachments. and kind thing for [your] cat in question would be to leave
    via gal_tiki
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  • 29
    her in the home where she is comfortable. Perhaps he will understand and agree, and see that giving another cat in need a home would be the best solution for all. It does seem that the least disruptive. Good luck.
    via gal_tiki
  • 30
    pwolf1111 Yeah the cat isn't his to take. Simply tell him to get his own cat. Make sure all vet info is in your name & kitty is chipped to you. What a selfish j he is trying to take your cat from it's home. He doesn't even deserve a cat.
    via pwolf1111

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