32-year-old mom refuses to care for her sick 68-year-old mother-in-law after she tried to get her son to divorce her: 'She told my husband multiple times that he deserves better and that I was too fragile to be a good wife and mother'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Aug 14, 2025 8:00 AM EDT

Taking care of sick relatives is no small burden. It's a huge responsibility, and most people wouldn't take it on for someone they don't really care about. That might sound kind of heartless, but think about it! Baby Jane shouldn't have been taking care of Blanche in Whatever Happened to Baby Jane because she literally hated her. They hated each other! Blanche needed a kind caretaker, and Jane needed to be locked away somewhere where she could live out her memories of vaudeville child stardom forever. The sisters living together was a miserable experience that ended in tragedy! 

Most forced family caretaking situations are not as dramatic as those depicted in campy movies, but they can be just as infused with hatred. It's a burden to take care of someone you dislike, and it's also a burden to be reliant on your enemy to keep you alive. It's best to avoid a situation like that entirely, for the health and wellness of both parties. 

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  • An elderly patient at the hospital
    via Curated Lifestyle (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • The mother-in-law in this story wants her daughter-in-law to take care of her in her illness. Her daughter-in-law wants nothing to do with that, because her mother-in-law tried to convince her son to divorce her after she faced some medical problems during her pregnancy. 

  • AITA for refusing to take care of my sick MIL after she told my husband to divorce me while I was in the hospital?

    So, some context: I (32F) have been married to my husband (35M) for 7 years. We have two kids (5M and 3F). Last year, I had a complicated pregnancy with my daughter that landed me in the hospital for over a month. While I was admitted, my MIL (68F) decided to "help out" at our house. I thought it was a kind gesture... until I found out what she was actually doing.
    via u/RainbowWhisperr
  • Apparently, she told my husband multiple times that he "deserves better" and that I was "too fragile" to be a good wife and mother. She even went as far as telling him he should "cut his losses" and start fresh with someone "healthier." My husband told me this months later, claiming he "didn't take her seriously."
    via u/RainbowWhisperr
  • Fast forward to now, my MIL was recently diagnosed with a chronic illness and needs someone to take care of her for the next few months while she recovers from surgery. My husband asked if she could move in with us so I could help care for her during the day, since I work from home.
    via u/RainbowWhisperr
  • A woman sitting at a desk using a laptop computer
    via Karolina Grabowska (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • I flat-out said no. I told him that the woman who tried to convince him to leave me while I was fighting for my life is not welcome in my home, let alone under my care. He says I'm being "cruel" and "holding a grudge" and that "family helps family, no matter what."
    via u/RainbowWhisperr
  • Now his siblings are messaging me, calling me heartless, saying that "she's old, she's sick, and she's sorry." But here's the thing, she's never actually apologized to me. The only time she's brought it up was to say, "I was just worried about my son's future."
    via u/RainbowWhisperr
  • Happy young Asian male feeling happy smiling, and looking to camera standing in front of a window
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • My husband is barely speaking to me, and I'm starting to wonder if I am being too cold. AITA for refusing to take care of her?
    via u/RainbowWhisperr
  • Suspicious_Name_8313 H I no, have her other family take care of her. Working from home is not a reason to pick you. Maybe hubs can move in with mom and take care of her needs. Even if she didn't try and ruin your marriage you shouldn't sign up for that.
    via u/Suspicious_Name_8313
  • RainbowWhisperr OP Exactly! Just because I work from home doesn't mean my office is a full-time care facility. And honestly, if my husband's best solution is to move in with her, that says a lot about where his priorities really are in this marriage
    via u/RainbowWhisperr
  • HopefulTangerine5913 The fact that he says family helps family no matter what without understanding you are his family says a lot. Sounds like that only counts when it's his blod relative and he can use you for help- otherwise that doesn't seem to work in reverse
    via u/HopefulTangerine5913
  • theDagman You could always tell him that you are too "unhealthy" and "fragile" to be expected to take care of his mother. And, that maybe he should "cut his losses" with her, since he "deserves" a better mother. (Because I am petty like that.)
    via u/theDagman
  • Low_Notice4665 Uh, full stop. Ask him why he thinks you should put your job at risk? I personally think he should take FMLA and go to her house every day to take care of her! To be honest there are plenty of skilled nursing facilities where she can recuperate in case of complications. Pneumonia from bed rest, a bl d clot, etc. These aren't things you are knowledgeable or prepared to take care of her if a crisis happens. And doesn't insurance pay for this?
    via u/Low_Notice4665
  • catshark209 Why aren't your husband's siblings stepping up to caregive? NTA.
    via u/catshark2o9
  • RainbowWhisperr OP Exactly! That's what I've been asking. He's got two siblings who live within 30 minutes and have way more flexibility than I do, but somehow it's 'easier' for me because I work from home. I guess being physically in my house all day = free caretaker in their eyes
    via u/RainbowWhisperr
  • Feline-Sloth Are his siblings men??? If they are the whole family, believe that you, as a woman who works from home, can just drop everything because you are a woman and your work doesn't count!!!
    via u/Feline-Sloth
  • Go-Mellistic Why aren't your husband and his siblings stepping up to care for their mother? Or paying for professional care? No way should this fall on you. If you had a good relationship with her and you offered, that would be one thing. But she has advocated for your husband to leave you, never apologized, and then you were voluntold you are the only option? While working from home and caring for 2 children? HI no. Nope sandwich with a side of nope sauce. NTA
    via u/Go-Mellistic
  • RainbowWhisperr OP Exactly. That's what I keep coming back to, she has other adult children who live closer and don't have two kids and a full-time job to juggle. I've been polite and cordial, but I'm not signing up to be the full-time caregiver for someone who's never respected me. The 'you're the only option' line is just not true, they're just making it my problem because it's convenient
    via u/RainbowWhisperr
  • Go-Mellistic Stand strong. It is not your problem to solve, it is theirs. You are not the only option because you are not an option. Period. But since your husband is not speaking to you over this (emotional blackmail and/or immaturity), expect him and his sibs to get worse. At some point, you may need to ask him and yourself if this is worth ending your marriage over because if he doesn't stop pressuring you while ignoring your needs, it may be hard for you to keep seeing the good in him.
    via u/Go-Mellistic
  • Annual-Cancel-7669 She's not actually sorry. She is only saying she's sorry so you'll be her slave basically. Do not do it, this lady doesn't respect you and will make it hard for you to help her. As for your husband tel him to grow a backbone and get his family in check, because if he loved and respected you he would understand where you are coming from and stick up for you.
    via u/Annual-Cancel-7669
  • TheKittyFantastico NTA-this woman tried to have you replaced. Did your husband even defend you?? The audacity. They both owe you an apology. Do not let them bu y you. You are not a free healthcare provider. You have your own kids to worry about.
    via u/TheKittyFantastico
  • stroppo NTA, and it sure sounds like the bigger issue here is your husband's lack of support.
    via u/stroppo
  • mela_99 Your husband is an absolute monster, he's doing a great job taking after his mother. No, YOU do not have to care for HIS mother in YOUR house. He cannot actually believe you should care for her. Tell him to find a work from home job and he can spend every spare Moment wiping her nose. ΝΤΑ
    via u/mela_99
  • Icy-Copy1534 Are you a nurse? If the answer is no then you have no business looking after her. If she's that sick and needs rehab - find her a rehab hospital or have one of the other siblings take her in. When they call and start pushing you - ask them why don't you take her in? Oh you don't have time? What do you think I do all day? I work!! I cannot be her nurse.
    via u/Icy-Copy1534

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family drama entitled parents mother entitled family illness sickness in laws mother in law entitled family caretaking sick Reddit mom parents entitled people
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