Ex-boyfriend, Joe, demands extra $125 for "wedding plate costs" when his ex-girlfriend refunds him $400 for travel expenses for his friend, Meg's, out-of-state wedding: 'I wouldn’t pay that money if I were attending'

Author image for Emma Saven
Emma Saven
Aug 16, 2025 10:00 AM EDT

There's genuinely nothing worse than looking back at old pictures from your year's milestones, and realizing that your ex's head has featured in the back of every.single.one of them…or even worse, front and center. We know they were present during many special times over the years, but that does not mean we need to be reminded of their smirking face every time someone asks to see a picture of 'that one backless number you wore to aunty Jude's wedding.' 

So what better way to avoid this than making sure that you break up with them before the next big occasion? I mean, you wanted to do it anyway, right? So what are you waiting for…or would you just prefer to have the haunting reminder magnetized to your fridge? This girl decides to help her ex-boyfriend avoid this exact situation. 

So after ending their relationship weeks before his friend's wedding, she does exactly what any thoughtful person would do and reimburses him for her portion of the travel costs…However, it all becomes a big strange when he starts asking her for extra money as 'cancellation fees,' even though the wedding is still weeks away…Is this 'sudden need for cash' coming from the bride or him?

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  • Something shady's got to give…I mean, asking someone for extra money for ‘plating costs’ when the bride still has plenty of time to make changes to her wedding's lists and numbers, all just seems a bit odd. He should be grateful she even contributed to paying for half of the room that he will still very much be staying in…Either he's using greed as an excuse for pettiness, or this man simply is just stingy with a capital S.

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    Woman holding money away from man
    via pixelshot

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    AITA for not paying for a wedding I’m not attending?

    I (30f) started a relationship with Joe (31m) in the middle of May of this year. Shortly after we started going out, he asked me to be a plus-one to his friend Meg's
    via ptothedubs
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    wedding. I have never met Meg, but I agreed to go. We RSVPed, and Joe booked plane tickets and a hotel room.
    via ptothedubs
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    A couple days ago, I ended the relationship with Joe. It's important to note that while money was not the main reason
    via ptothedubs
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    for the breakup, it was one of the things we argued about most. I am very frugal (perhaps to a fault), and Joe likes to spend
    via ptothedubs
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    money on creature comforts and trips, and often expects me to do the same. Joe lives at home rent free, while I have my own
    via ptothedubs
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    apartment. I live pretty much paycheck to paycheck, with a small stash set aside in savings. There's still about five weeks left
    via ptothedubs
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    to the wedding. I ended the relationship when I did partly because I didn't want to be in the pictures from the wedding and
    via ptothedubs
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    cause people to feel bad when they looked back at those pictures. I am returning everything Joe left in my
    via ptothedubs
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    apartment, save a few things he was okay with me keeping. I also offered to pay for my plane ticket and my half of the hotel stay as a good-faith gesture. It comes to
    via ptothedubs
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    over $400, which is just about everything I have in savings. Today, Joe contacted me and asked if I could pay another $125 on top of all of that to offset
    via ptothedubs
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    guest paying for his stay at the hotel reception
    via jacoblund

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    Meg's costs for my plate and everything at the reception. He says it's so close to the wedding and since deposits have gone to vendors, I should pay my portion.
    via ptothedubs
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    I think that more than a month's notice is ample time for Meg to either fill the seat or for Joe to find another plus-one, who would also be benefitting from my paying half of the hotel stay. I
    via ptothedubs
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    also think that since I wouldn't pay that money if I was attending, then I shouldn't have to pay now that I'm not. It's my understanding that people not
    via ptothedubs
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    going to weddings after they RSVP is just one of those costs that's inevitable, and I'm at least doing Meg the courtesy of giving over a month's notice. AITA?
    via ptothedubs
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    EmceeSuzy NTA You should pay for the cost of your flight and nothing more. This fellow will still need the hotel room and the bride and groom absolutely can remove you from the count.
    via EmceeSuzy
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    No_Preparation_8975 NTA, Joe's scamming you. I got married last year and vendors required a final tally like...two or three weeks in advance, not more than a month out. If Joe is truly worried about offsetting Meg's costs, he'll let her know that you're not coming and she'll just adjust her spreadsheets, no big deal.
    via No_Preparation_8975
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    quotidian_qt I don't think you should have paid for half the hotel. They're his friends and he's going anyway.
    via quotidian_qt
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    Wedding seating decoration and plating
    via Masood Aslami

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    Rendeane NTA. Who booked the flight? If Joe booked the flight, reimburse him for that only. If you booked your own flight, contact the airline about a reimbursement or credit for a future flight with that carrier. He still needs the hotel room to sleep in. There is no reason to pay for it.
    via Rendeane
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    Medusa_7898 Typically the caterer gets a final number about a week before the wedding. You owe them nothing.
    via Medusa_7898
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    Smarterthanuthink867 NTA. It is not your responsibility to pay for your plate since you aren't attending. Will Meg contact every person who RSVP'd and didn't attend and ask them for money? No, she won't. She is only doing this because you are Joe's ex. He's lucky he's being reimbursed for the plane ticket and half the hotel room.
    via Smarterthanuthink867
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    Decent Wallaby4432 Uh...Joe be trippin'
    via Decent_Wallaby4432
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    Mommabroyles Don't pay anything Joe will probably take someone else. You'll be giving them a free trip.
    via Mommabroyles

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boyfriend guests wedding picture hotel refund were-in-love Awkward relationship-drama girlfriend wedding catering couples food breakup flights waitress money
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