Boss discovers employee is quitting when she gets an email from a hiring manager asking for a reference letter, boss accuses employee of burning bridges: ‘Was I supposed to let her know I’m interviewing?’

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Aug 21, 2025 7:00 AM EDT

When looking for a new job, the general recommendation is not to let anyone in your current workplace know that you are intending to leave. Otherwise, you can find yourself in a similar situation to that of the employee in the story below.

This employee was interviewing for other positions and didn't let anyone in their office know, especially their boss. That was until the company they were interviewing for asked to talk to their current boss as a reference. Most people would have told that company that they would rather not have their boss know they are quitting before they have a solid work replacement, but this employee agreed and gave the hiring manager their boss's email.

Before the employee could give their boss a heads-up about the reference request, the hiring manager had already contacted the boss, who was not happy to discover that her employee was quitting through a hiring manager for a different company. This led to quite a dispute, and we highly doubt the employee will get a glowing recommendation after everything that went down.

Scroll down to read the full story, and let us know which valuable lessons you learn for when you start looking for your next job.

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    Cheezburger Image 10542550528
    via Tima Miroshnichenko

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02

    I’m leaving my current job after getting a new position and my boss is angry with me and says I’m burning bridges because I didn’t let her know that I’m interviewing.

    My current boss is making me feel like I'm crazy. I've been working at my job for 5 1/2 years and I do a really good job and my boss knows
    via Kindly_Blackberry311
  • 03
    that I have been very burned. out. I am currently a case manager. I'm also doing the work of two people and I'm constantly stressed. I was
    via Kindly_Blackberry311
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    recently given an opportunity to work in a different field for more money that will not only be close to home but also will not give me the
    via Kindly_Blackberry311
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    stress that my current job gives me. They sent me a conditional offer yesterday and just said they just need to start reference checking
    via Kindly_Blackberry311
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    before they make the final offer. I let my supervisor know that they would be reaching out to her for a reference and unfortunately
    via Kindly_Blackberry311
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    they had emailed her before I could tell her and she is angry with me and telling me that I am burning bridges and that I don't care about how
    via Kindly_Blackberry311
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    she's gonna have to take on my caseload when I leave. This is the same woman who has done nothing but belittle me and has made me feel like
    via Kindly_Blackberry311
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    less than a person since I started working there. She's made fun of me. She's made sarcastic comments about my family and about my dog,
    via Kindly_Blackberry311
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    which I know shouldn't be a big deal, but it is. I'm just wondering, what did I do wrong? Am I supposed to let her know I'm interviewing?
    via Kindly_Blackberry311
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    Interviewer looking at resume during a job interview
    via 89Stocker

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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    I had to give her as a reference because they requested my current supervisor. I tried to go tell her before she received the email but she was in meetings all morning.
    via Kindly_Blackberry311
  • 13
    [deleted] What did you do wrong? A) list someone as a reference without asking them first. B) list this person, who apparently is a terrible manager, as your reference.
    via Reddit
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    What should you have done? Find someone else else to be a reference, ask them first before you give their contact info to the new company, and not tell your manager until you have an offer secured and are putting in your notice.
    via Kindly_Blackberry311
  • 15
    nudniksphilkes That blows because she's going to try to sabotage in your reference. What an ahle.
    via Kindly_Blackberry311
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    Mushroom_Fly4499 No, you are not supposed to let her know you are interviewing. She is just mad because she wants to keep you there and make you do all the work.
    via Kindly_Blackberry311
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    Adventurous-Worker42 I would never give out a current manager or co-worker contact info, too much drama.
    via Kindly_Blackberry311
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    Illeatu2 She's just mad she'll have to pay 2 people to do the workload of 2 people
    via Kindly_Blackberry311
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    DoyersDoyers 1. You have no obligation to let her know you're interviewing. 2. Never give someone as a reference unless you know well they're going to
    via Kindly_Blackberry311
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    give you a glowing reference. If you have no one professionally who will give you a good reference, use a friend. I've been a reference (and was called and talked to) for multiple friends and they all got the job.
    via Kindly_Blackberry311
  • 21
    bonksnp No, shes mad because you're upsetting her comfort zone by leaving. She's losing a good employee and clearly doesn't care about whats best for you..
    via Kindly_Blackberry311

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boss workplace-stories employee manager job hiring manager tales-from-the-workplace reddit story ceo workplace Reddit company job interview reference quitting
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