Stepdad Patrick forbids 28-year-old stepson Chris from sharing a hotel room with his mom, claims it's inappropriate: 'My mom said she was scared to stay alone at a hotel'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Aug 17, 2025 8:00 PM EDT

It is far too common for people to pathologize everyday moments of affection between parents and their children. Who could forget the viral video of Tom Brady kissing his son on the lips, which inspired years of ridicule from the internet? There is literally nothing wrong with a parent kissing their child, and yet people still get incredibly uncomfortable seeing parents and their children being affectionate openly. Maybe it's because their parents weren't physically affectionate with them, and they can't imagine how that wouldn't be weird because they're so not used to it. Perhaps it's because we live in a hypervigilant culture that is willing to jump on banal behavior and characterize it as nefarious. Either way, we can admit that it's weird to criticize a child and a parent for hugging each other. If you think otherwise, you have a strange mind that you should get checked out pronto.

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  • The stepdad in this story is an absolute weirdo. He's freaked out at the idea of his stepson sleeping in the same hotel room as his wife/his mom. They aren't even sharing a bed: his stepson booked a two-bedroom hotel room so that she wouldn't be scared in her room by herself.

  • Cheezburger Image 10542746112
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • AIO to my step-dad saying I can’t share a hotel room with my mom?

    Hi Chris, you never acknowledged my last text so I want to make sure you understand that you are not spending the night with your mother in Arkansas. Your mother will stay by herself. Hey Patrick, I think you're reading too much into this. Mom said she's scared of being by herself in the hotel so I got a room with 2 beds. It's completely normal. I'm her son. She's not scared and she told me that she's going to sleep by herself You're not spending the night with your mother Chris. I just got off
    via u/Comfortable_Lie1259
  • Yes Chris it is odd when you put your arms around your mother from behind. And it's odd when you put your hands on her hips. And it's odd when you stick your face in her face and give her a kiss. And it's odd when I get out of the shower and find you two in the bedroom with the door shut. So yes it's odd behavior Chris It is how we show our love and affection for each other as mother and son, at least in the Asian and Vietnamese cultures. That's what I grew up with. It doesn't mean anything more
    via u/Comfortable_Lie1259
  • For context: My mom and I (28M) are Vietnamese American, my step-dad is White American. My mom and I are visiting my wife's parents out of town. My step-dad couldn't come because of work. I was planning to stay at my wife's parents' house, but my mom said she was scared to stay alone at a hotel. So I booked a 2-bedroom hotel room so I could be with her.
    via u/Comfortable_Lie1259
  • White and brown table lamp on brown wooden nightstand
    via ZHENYU LUO

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • When my step-dad found out, he texted me saying I cannot share a room with her and insisted she "will stay by herself." He also told me my way of showing affection toward my mom is "odd" - for example, hugging her from
    via u/Comfortable_Lie1259
  • behind, putting an arm around her waist, or kissing her on the cheek. I explained that in Vietnamese culture, this is totally normal between a mother and adult son, and it's how I grew up. It's completely innocent.
    via u/Comfortable_Lie1259
  • A couple of people that are hugging each other
    via Giulia Squillace (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • He still said it's not cultural, "it's just odd," and brought up times when he's seen us in a room with the door shut (even though it was for things like giving me paperwork or personal items). He
    via u/Comfortable_Lie1259
  • says it's "odd behavior" and that "she might be your mom but she's my wife.” Meanwhile, he and his own mom live 3 minutes apart and he only sends her greeting cards twice a year.
    via u/Comfortable_Lie1259
  • I feel like he's sexualizing something that isn't sexual at all, and he's making it into a moral. issue instead of respecting cultural differences. To me, it feels controlling and insulting. Am I overreacting for being upset about this?
    via u/Comfortable_Lie1259
  • Poppypie77 NOR. OK you need to sit down with your mother and have a serious conversation with her. I'm actually concerned about your mother. He sounds VERY controlling, obsessive, not to mention extremely jealous of your mother son relationship. And he's making normal parent child affection into something perverted, just because he doesn't give a sh about his mother and clearly doesn't have a loving and caring relationship with her.
    via u/Poppypie77
  • How long have they been married? Is it fairly recent? Like within a year or 2? The way he's acting sounds like he's trying to split you two up and he wants to distance her from you, to isolate her. And this is the first steps to doing that. Implying your normal affection is perverted, he's likely having arguments with her telling her how he doesn't like it, it's wrong, its not normal, its perverted, implying she's bordering on being intimate with her own son etc. He'll keep bringing it up and tr
    via u/Poppypie77
  • The fact he said stated in his text that suddenly your mums not scared to stay in the hotel alone anymore and she'll stay there on her own, and that she just told him this is also bulls. He would have argued with her telling her how wrong and inappropriate it is for her son to sleep in the same room as her, and its not right, and he won't have her sleep in the same room as 'another man'. And he's bu ied her and pressured her to give in and do what he wants. What he demands. I guarantee your mum
    via u/Poppypie77
  • So you need to sit down and talk to your mum about this. Tell her/show her the texts hes sent you, and the other comments hes made to you about your affection with your mum, and tell her you're really concerned about his behaviour and how controlling he's being, forcing her to do what he wants, lying about her suddenly being fine to sleep there alone. That he's clearly jealous of your relationship and bond, and he's doing his best to try and get between you and change your relationship, and he's
    via u/Poppypie77
  • forbid her from hugging you or kissing you etc. And he'll do that by implying it's perverted and squal, and also because HES her husband, he should be the only man she hugs or kisses, and its 'insulting to him if she shows affection to another man', and his isolation tactics will continue to get worse to keep you apart so he can control her more. He knows you won't stand for your mum being mistreated etc so he needs to try and split you up to keep you out of their lives so you don't try and get
    via u/Poppypie77
  • I'd also tell her how all of his behaviour is out of line and he has no right to label your normal mother son affection as anything inappropriate or squal or weird. And ask her if he buried her/ argued with her to get her to agree she'll sleep in the hotel alone? That's another part of the ab_e, they keep pressurising, guilt tripping them, manipulating them to eventually just give in and do what they want either to avoid a bad argument, or to avoid the repercussions like silent treatment and ang
    via u/Poppypie77
  • Ask you mum if she would still want you to stay in the hotel room with her, and if she's still scared to stay alone. To be honest I'd just stay with her anyway. He won't know you did, and as long as she can lie without having obvious expressions or behaviours that give away she's lying, I'd just stay with her and he doesn't need to know.
    via u/Poppypie77
  • To be honest, she needs to leave him. He's not a good person. And he never will be. If I thought it might help, I'd suggest the 3 of you sitting down and having a conversation about it, explaining its normal to show affection to family and loved ones with hugs and a kiss on the cheek etc but you'll never be able to have a productive conversation with him as he's an ab er.
    via u/Poppypie77
  • So I'd try and encourage her to see him for who he is, the way he treats her, the way he's trying to control her and isolate her, and I'm sure he's done other things to her when he's forced her to give in and do what he wants.
    via u/Poppypie77
  • The only other option you could consider, if your mum doesn't want to lie about you being in her room, is if you got adjoining hotel rooms, so there's a door between your rooms that you can leave unlocked or even open, but it will look like you've ordered 2 separate rooms to him, so that might be a way to get round it this time. Especially if she needs time to come to accept how wrong his behavioir is and that she should leave him etc. It could solve this issue in the mean time.
    via u/Poppypie77
  • Does she live in his house or does he live in her house? Or do they own it together or rent it? You need to start making a plan for if she decides to leave him. Such as does she have to kick him out or can she just up and leave if it's his house he owns, so no lease etc. Or if they have a lease she could speak to landlord and explain she's suffering from domestic violence (coercion and control / emotional ab_e, and we don't know if there's any financial ab e or physical or squal etc.) The landlo
    via u/Poppypie77
  • even if she doesn't leave straight away, keep discussing it every so often, and tell her she should keep all her important documents somewhere easy to grab, or you store them for safety, and making sure she has her own finances in her own private bank account he can't access etc.
    via u/Poppypie77
  • You're not doing anything wrong by showing your mum you love her by giving her a hug- from the front or from behind, or kissing her cheek, or daring to have a door closed when dealing with a private conversation etc. Also, the way he said about you shoving your face into her face to give her a kiss was such a huge overreaction. Like obviously both peoples faces are going to be close when you give each other a kiss on the cheek.
    via u/Poppypie77
  • In terms of how you respond to him when he says these stupid things I'd say things like...... "The only reason you think its perverted or weird for me hugging or kissing my own mother on the cheek is because you clearly didn't have a loving and caring mother, or you didn't care about her, which is obvious given you only send her a card twice a year. You
    via u/Poppypie77
  • wouldn't know what a normal loving caring mother son relationship is. So instead of judging us for our very normal behaviour, maybe you should get some therapy to deal with your own mummy issues. There's nothing weird or wrong for hugging or kissing my mother, and I refuse to stop just coz you're jealous that she has a loving relationship with another man, even though that man is her son!!
    via u/Poppypie77

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