'She's dripping sweat and flushed if it's a little hot': Bride tells expecting sister she can't physically handle bridesmaid duties, kicks her out of the wedding party

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Aug 19, 2025 10:00 AM EDT

If asked, most people will say that family comes first. They emphasize how important their immediate and/or extended family is to them and how they want to create that for themselves later in life. If you've watched any dating reality shows, you know this to be true. Everyone says that they are family-oriented. If they don't… I've never seen that on TV. And this is true for most people who say it. They would put their family members before anyone else, no questions asked. They would drop everything to help a family member if they needed to. But putting this into practice is a little bit different than saying it on, say, The Bachelor. 

What if helping a family member comes at an inconvenience to you? What if your family doesn't always make decisions that you agree with or respect? This is a common phenomenon. Family isn't always easy. Anyone who's ever been a part of a family knows that. So even if you claim to put them first, sometimes Life hands you a test that you're not quite ready for. That's what happened to this family when a wedding was coming up. 

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  • A pregnant woman holds her belly and a child is near.
    via Unsplash+ (Brooke Cagle)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • The bride wanted her sister to be a part of her wedding party, as is the tradition at most weddings. But her sister's condition caused her to have some second thoughts. But not everybody could agree on whether her decision to exclude her was right. Read on for the story and see what happened.

  • Am I in the wrong for telling my pregnant sister I don't think she can physically handle being my bridesmaid on my wedding day?

    I'm (25f) getting married and my sister (31f) was supposed to be one of my bridesmaids. She's 7 months pregnant and I don't think she can handle it. She's dripping sweat and flushed if it's a little hot or if she does anything a little active. She gets exhausted easily. She looks uncomfortable standing or walking. I love her and I wanted her as a bridesmaid but I don't want to have to worry about her.
    via u/Simple-Camel-20
  • I spoke to her and I told her I don't think she can physically handle being my bridesmaid. Even though she was dripping and out-of- breath from our little walk, she told she can handle it. She accused me of treating her unfairly just because she's pregnant. I held firm and told her she can't be a bridesmaid. Am I the a hle?
    via u/Simple-Camel-20

  • Commenters wondered why she was being so harsh.

    Used Ad7162 · 12h ago . Are you planning some sort of obstacle course for your wedding?
    via u/UsedAd7162
  • Misunderstood Peg 12h ago • YTA. It's your sister. How much work does it really take to be your bridesmaid? Are they required to perform manual labor for you all day? I'm sure a pregnant woman can stand through the ceremony and if not, hey, let her sit. Because again- it's your sister.
    via u/MisunderstoodPeg
  • MoreCleverUserNa... 12h ago • YTA, what you should have said was "how can I make sure you are comfortable and safe on the day?" All she's got to do is stand there and look nice. All you had to do was make sure she has a chair nearby and maybe a change of shoes. But you dumped her. That's pretty lousy of you.
    via u/MoreCleverUserName
  • FutureOk6751.12h ago Yta. You aren't worried about your sister. You are worried about your aesthetic.
    via u/FutureOk6751
  • Chocolate Cake Now 12h ago . What physical activity are you expecting of your bridesmaids? 20 foot walk.....she'll manage yta
    via u/ChocolateCakeNow
  • Tough-Combinatio... 12h ago YTA. You just don't want a sweaty fat bridesmaid who'll pull focus from you. Don't try to put it in her unless she specifically told you she can't handle it.
    via u/Tough-Combination-37
  • crazy_river_otter · 12h ago . YTA- let her decide what she can and can't handle. I was a bridesmaid in a wedding 3 weeks before my due date and it was fine. It seems like something is missing from your story that you're so eager to kick her out of your wedding party.
    via u/crazy_river_otter
  • tymopa • 12h ago YTA deciding for her. I think you are just worried about the optics not being picture perfect.
    via u/tymopa
  • Positive_Shake_1002 12h ago . YTA. She knows her body better than you do. Your chief complaint is her being sweaty, which makes it a looks problem more than a health problem.
    via u/Positive_Shake_1002
  • A pregnant woman in a yellow dress.
    via Unsplash+ (Brooke Cagle)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • New_Beach1011 • 12h ago YTA. What are your expectations of her as a bridesmaid that are so physically demanding? Generally they walk down the aisle, stand there for a bit, then walk back.
    via u/New_Beach1011
  • What are you doing to accommodate her? Could she sit at the front instead of standing? Could the whole. wedding party sit so she's not singled out? Did you ask her what you could do, or just tell her that she's out?
    via u/New_Beach1011
  • 3600MilesAway • 12h ago YTA, most definitely. All she needs to do is show up and stand or sit next to you if necessary. That's of course in the case in which you want her there because she's important to you and not for some made up tradition to make you feel like the most important person in the universe.
    via u/3600MilesAway
  • tryi... 12h ago Edited 11h ago • • YTA. Why not make accommodations for her? If she can't stand for the ceremony, then....offer to get her a chair? You could get chairs for everyone in the wedding party so she's not singled out, or have them all sit in the front row of the audience. You can ask your photographer for ideas for group shots that include seated people. You have options here.
    via u/trying-to-be-nicer
  • Precatlady 12h ago • YTA You're the literal bride and you could accommodate the abilities of your guests and bridal party easily if you wanted to. If aesthetics and ease are more important than having her up there, be honest with everyone about that, including yourself. You could simply put her on the end and let her sit down during the ceremony!
    via u/Precatlady
  • Disastrous-Nail-640 12h ago YTA She can't walk down the short aisle and then sit during the ceremony? I had a bridesmaid that was 8.5 months pregnant at my wedding. I gave her the choice of remaining a bridesmaid, being an usher, or being a guest. I made sure she knew I wanted her a part of my day.
    via u/Disastrous-Nail-640
  • ANJohnson83 12h ago • I would tell her that you planned to have her be a bridesmaid, but understand if due to her pregnancy she is unable to. She can make a decision from there. This is what I prefer as a woman with chronic illness that affects my ability to participate in some of life's events.
    via u/ANJohnson83
  • Sneezydiva3 • 12h ago YTA who cares if she's a little flushed? It's sad how brides today put perfect instagram photos ahead of their loved ones.
    via u/Sneezydiva3
  • Usrname52 • 12h ago What are you expecting your bridesmaids to do physically? Other than walk down the aisle...and if she's tired, she can just walk down and sit in the front row. Even if she weren't a bridesmaid, presumably you'd be doing a lot of family pictures and stuff.
    via u/Usrname52
  • It's great if you wanted to say that she doesn't have to do anything she doesn't feel up to, but it sounds like you are saying "don't be a bridesmaid because you'll look too flushed in pictures".
    via u/Usrname52
  • Cla... 12h ago Edited 11h ago • • YTA. Of course she's out of breath and uncomfortable standing and walking; she's 7 months pregnant. I feel like there are some decent compromises/offers you could have provided, if you really wanted her to be in the party, before stripping her of the title.
    via u/ClaireL58
  • A chair to sit down, a handheld fan and a water bottle on stand by if she gets too hot (which honestly, with the heat waves going everywhere, you should be offering them to everyone invited), blotting paper, etc. My best friend bought paper fans from the dollar store for everyone invited to the wedding. Super cheap, extreme game changer. You might want one too.
    via u/ClaireL58
  • I don't know, actually try something? If she couldn't handle it, or didn't want to, I feel like she would have told you. She obviously wants to support you, why is it not mutual?
    via u/ClaireL58
  • If not, she's an adult and can deal with the consequences of being stubborn. If she has an invited significant other, or your parents, keep an eye on her. No need to worry much. That all being said makes me think this is more about the aesthetic and not actually caring about your sister.
    via u/ClaireL58
  • She'll be stationary for the most part as a bridesmaid, unless you're demanding your party to do a whole dance routine. She'll be sitting for a few hours while she gets hair and makeup done. She'll walk for 30 seconds down the aisle, stand for 20 minutes or so while the vows are done, then walk another 30 seconds after it's done.
    via u/ClaireL58
  • I don't understand how she wouldn't be able to handle it unless she is supposed to be bedridden. ETA. Wait, the wedding is next week? At 7 months, she'll most likely be fine for another week. Trust your sister to do what is best for her and come up with a solution if you actually want her there.. There are many.
    via u/ClaireL58
  • I sure hope she didn't buy her dress/shoes or contribute to her hair and makeup then. If she did, you should at least pay her back. Is she even going to want to come to the wedding at this point? This would hurt me a lot. I would worry about your relationship with her. If she does come, this means she has to find a new dress in less than a week?
    via u/ClaireL58

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