25-year-old endures fiancé's freeloading brother for four years, demands he isn't a part of their lives anymore: 'He started poisoning my fiancé against me'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Aug 21, 2025 9:00 PM EDT

An overlooked aspect of getting into a serious relationship with somebody (and considering marriage with them in particular) is how you get along with their family as well as them. They might be the perfect romantic partner in isolation, but add in their relatives, and a whole host of problems can arise. Ideally, even if their loved ones are difficult to deal with, they prioritize their relationship to the extent that they do all they can to make sure their partner doesn't have to endure them beyond an acceptable level.

Still, it is not a foolproof way to stop issues from arising, and also, it is fairly common for people to prioritize the desires of family over the happiness of their partners. Being the individual on the receiving end of this behavior can be tricky, not least because confronting this behavior can reveal which side someone is really on, and it isn't necessarily going to be yours.

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    man lying in bed holding a remote control
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story

  • This is what one young woman feared when she reached her limit dealing with her fiancé's brother's entitled and toxic behavior. He had spent a period of their relationship living with them, making her uncomfortable and turning her partner against her. It ended with them breaking up for nine months.

    The couple got back together after the brother got another job and moved out, but she still felt like he was an overwhelming and unpleasant presence in their lives. She wanted to give her fiancé an ultimatum, but she didn't know if that was taking things too far.

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    Am I wrong for telling my fiancé I don’t want his brother in our lives anymore?

    I know the title sounds bad, but I just need to vent because I feel exhausted and don't know how to handle this. I (25F) and my fiancé (29M) have been together for 6 years and about 4 years ago I agreed to let his brother move in with us because he claimed he was being mistreated and financially abused, and at the time I pushed for it because I thought he deserved a safe space and honestly I was his biggest supporter.
    via Spiritual-Fail-8880
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    The second he moved in though it was one problem after another. He had no respect for boundaries, no respect for me, and no respect for our home. I'm not against adult content but I don't want it blasted on the living room TV and I told him that clearly. He nodded like he understood, then went right back to blasting it loudly every chance he got and would smirk when I walked in like he thought it was funny.
    via Spiritual-Fail-8880
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    He was lazy too, never cleaned, never contributed financially, left food and trash everywhere, and expected me to pick up after him. If I didn't, he would just let it sit and rot while I was working full-time and coming home to his mess.
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    When we all ended up at the same factory things got worse. My fiancé and I worked in separate departments but his brother worked with him and that's when he started poisoning my fiancé against me, telling him I was cheating and looking at other men. For context I'm a gamer, I had apps to find people to play with, and my fiancé already knew about this, but his brother twisted it into something shady. Because of his lies my fiancé left me stranded at work (I didn't drive at the time), shut off my
    via Spiritual-Fail-8880
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    a man and a woman lying in bed, facing away from another
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story

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    I was devastated and his brother didn't care, he actually seemed pleased with the chaos he caused. The part that really broke me was when my fiancé actually tried to give away the brand-new PC that I bought to his brother, as if my hard-earned stuff was his to hand out. On top of that his brother constantly mooched off us, ate all our groceries, borrowed money he never paid back, and always had some excuse. If he wasn't stirring drama, he was draining us dry.
    via Spiritual-Fail-8880
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    My theory is he's manipulative and wanted my fiancé single so they could have a bachelor pad. This caused us to break up and i moved out for 9 months but his brother never left. He stayed living with my fiancé the entire time I was gone and only moved out after 9 months when my fiancé finally told him he needed to get a job. Not long after that my fiancé reached out to apologize, we had dinner, and decided to try again.
    via Spiritual-Fail-8880
  • 09
    Before I moved back in his brother had already taken our nice car "because he has kids," which wasn't a loan, he just kept it. Now since I've been back for about a year and a half his brother has started up again, guilt-tripping, asking for the car again, hinting at moving back in with us, and still hasn't had a job in over a year.
    via Spiritual-Fail-8880
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    He is perfectly happy mooching off whoever will let him and has zero accountability for his behavior. That was my breaking point. I told my fiancé I'm done bailing his brother out and I don't want him in our house or in our lives. My fiancé says "I can't cut contact, that's my brother” and “you're overreacting.” But this isn't one mistake, it's years of lies, disrespect, manipulation, and leeching.
    via Spiritual-Fail=8880
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    a room with a chair, bookcase, and sofa with a duvet on it
    via Jason Abdilla
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    Commenters all had the same opinion.

    Cute_Suit_3351 why did you get back with him? LEAVE. relationships are a see-saw You SEE in marraige what you SAW while dating.
    via Cute_Suit_3351
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    CanadasNeighbor YTA to yourself for going back.
    via CanadasNeighbor
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    Bunny_Bixler99 OP: Outside of this one issue he's amazing. Then why bother even writing this sad little saga? Your "boyfriend/fiancée" likes and believes his brother more than you. Brother will be in his life forever. You've got two options.
    via Bunny_Bixler99
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    Beneficial_Syrup_869 Girl run.
    via Beneficial_Syrup_869
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    Independent_Bit_1555 You're engaged to an a. Give the ring back & cut your losses. He is a grown man that is unlikely to change.
    via Independent_Bit_1555
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    Candy2228 Nta, the issue isn't the brother but your fiance. Your fiance chose to believe his brother without talking to you, put you in danger by leaving you after work, cut off your ability to get home, (did he apologize for any of that). He also tried to rob you by giving away your computer (did you get the computer back). You should not marry this man because it's not the brother that's the problem it's your fiance's actions that are the problem.
    via Candy2228
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    Zestyclose_Whole_766 "Because of his lies my fiancé left me stranded at work" LEAVE HIM
    via Zestyclose_Whole_766
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    Potential_Squash1434 Wow! How is your fiance amazing when he did that awful stuff to you? If you stay it will only get worse. He will always put his brother first. And when he moves back in, and he WILL move back in, he won't be satisfied until he has broken you and your relationship. I'm sorry, but this won't get better
    via Potential_Squash1434
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    DevilPup55 NTA Might be time to tell fiancée it's either you or the brother. If he wants a dirty bachelor pad with bro, you're out.
    via DevilPup55
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    Ladylceis YTA for going back to this pos. Please get some therapy and learn some self- respect! Run girl before he baby traps you!
    via LadyIceis
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    The woman provided an update on the situation.

    Spiritual-Fail-8880 OP UPDATE: He got home about 40 minutes ago, and the comments really gave me the courage to sit down and have a serious talk with him. Also i did tell him about the post. I'm sorry if this disappoints anyone, but we are not breaking up. We did agree, however, to start both couples therapy and separate therapy, since we each have things we need to work on.
    via Spiritual-Fail-8880
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    When we got back together, he repeatedly apologized for what he did during our breakup, and tonight he reassured me again how much he regrets it. He told me he would cut contact, and he was the one who suggested that we sit down together and read this post and the comments. He really listened to me without getting defensive, which meant a lot. Honestly, I think he was horrified reading how he came across, and he
    via Spiritual-Fail-8880
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    admitted he needed to stop constantly bailing out his brother. They had a rough childhood, and he's always felt the need to protect his brother, like he owed him. During our talk, he said he knows his brother has his reasons, and I told him that I had it worse and still don't do the things his brother does. I said it wasn't an excuse, and instead of brushing me off,
    via Spiritual-Fail-8880
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    he completely agreed and told me I was right. That acknowledgment honestly shocked me in a really good way. He even held my hand while we talked and kept saying he wanted me to know I'll always come first from now on. To my surprise, he followed through immediately. He texted his brother right in front of me and then blocked him. This is what he wrote:
    via Spiritual-Fail-8880
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    "I'm sorry, but I can't keep bailing you out or putting you first. My fiancé comes first now, and the way you disrespected her two years ago still leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I made excuses for you because I love you and wanted to see you do better. You're my older brother, you were supposed to guide me, not the other way around. I can't keep letting you mooch off me anymore. As much as I love you, and as much as this hurts, I can't have you in my life. I hope you heal and do better, but rig
    via Spiritual-Fail-8880
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    I really wasn't expecting him to take such a strong stance, and it showed me how much he values me and our future together. Thank you so much to the people who gave me genuine advice. I'll update again if anything changes.
    via Spiritual-Fail-8880

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aita break up brother freeloader moving in relationships argument family reddit thread Reddit fiancee entitled people
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