Stay-at-home mom refuses to go on a budget after husband tells her she spends too much money on shopping, she throws a tantrum instead: ‘If you wanted a working wife, you should have married one’

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Aug 27, 2025 11:00 PM EDT

Every household should be aware of how much money they spend every month, what they should cut back on, and what they can do differently. It doesn't matter if only one works, both, or none; budgeting should be a constant practice for anyone who doesn't want to lose control of their own financial situation.

When the contribution to the household is unequal, like in the story below, budgeting might get more complicated. A stay-at-home mom doesn't work, but that doesn't mean she is not going to spend money, especially when she has so much free time after dropping the kids off at school. But she still needs to mind her spending, since there is only one income in the household, and technically, she is not contributing in that regard.

If she doesn't agree to budgeting, which is what happened in this story, what is stopping her from putting a financial strain on our household? And what should the sole provider do when being met with such backlash?

Scroll down to read what happened when this husband asked his stay-at-home wife to start budgeting. Then, let us know what you would have done in the comments below.

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10546167296
    via Pattanaphong

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02

    AITA for telling my wife either she gets a job or i'm putting her on an allowance?

    My 34m wife 34f is a sahm/sahw and she likes to spend frivolously. After the kids go to school on the bus she usually goes back to bed.
    via Hot-Principle-5612
  • 03
    Then wakes up goes to Starbucks to have a coffee and bagel and browses her phone. Then she goes to the gym and after goes shopping.
    via Hot-Principle-5612
  • 04
    She doesn't always buy things sometimes it's just window shopping, but she's spent 1,500 by herself some months on clothes, nails, hair, makeup, eyebrows, eyelashes.
    via Hot-Principle-5612
  • 05
    Buying eyelashes in packages called things like 'baddie' or 'f oy' etc. I told her we need to get on a budget and stick to it.
    via Hot-Principle-5612
  • 06
    If she can't I'll have no choice but to put her on an allowance or she can get a job. She was furious and said if I wanted a working wife I should have married a 'hardworking girl' instead of her.
    via Hot-Principle-5612
  • 07
    I reminded her that when we first married she did have plans to work, and had all these big plans on becoming a 'business woman', yet never acted on anything.
    via Hot-Principle-5612
  • 08
    She called me an ungrateful a hle and said 'then divorce me'. I don't know what to do. AITA for telling her to either get a handle on her spending, get a job, or I'll put her on an allowance?
    via Hot-Principle-5612
  • 09
    Routine-Ad8844 She sounds lazy and selfish. If you divorce her will you be paying more for child support and alimony than what she spends now? Something to think about.
    via Routine-Ad8844
  • 10
    Hot-Principle-5612 OP Not sure how much they'd make me pay, but child support would only be for 1 child, the other isnt mine biologically.
    via Hot-Principle-5612
  • 11
    AZmountains4me NTA she needs to contribute Unless you're rich, that lifestyle is selfish and harmful to your family as a whole.
    via AZmountains4me
  • 12
    Hot-Principle-5612 OP I'm not rich, i make about 120k after-tax.
    via Hot-Principle-5612
  • 13
    Young Couple Planning Monthly Budget Together.
    via Nicolas Menijes

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 14
    Solid-Occasion-9361 Then she should go to work but you should be prepared to pick up half of all the home cleaning, holiday planning/shopping, doctor appointments and school events. You can't have both
    via Solid-Occasion-9361
  • 15
    Understanding Less 151 I've always wondered how people end up married to someone who has completely different life goals? The next time you pick a wife maybe look at what she does, not at what she claims she intends to do. I can
    via UnderstandingLess151
  • 16
    sort of also see her point. I'm guessing you liked her for her looks, but once you marry her and you see the cost of that you're appalled :)) Anyways, cut your losses, call her bluff, turn off the money tap, talk to a lawyer, make better choices, NTA.
    via UnderstandingLess151
  • 17
    Hot-Principle-5612 OP People change, their goals change, she wasn't always like this, but i need to reign her in before it gets worse.
    via Hot-Principle-5612
  • 18
    Southern Rain5775 So you take home $10,000 a month in a very low cost of living area? I don't think $1500 a month is necessarily reasonable, but if you hired someone to cook, clean and take care of the kids you'd be paying way more than $1500 a month.
    via SouthernRain5775
  • 19
    Hot-Principle-5612 OP In our area housekeeping is like $150/mo for weekly cleanings. I could pay a chef $200 to meal prep for the week. Someone to "take care of the kids"? They're teenagers.
    via Hot-Principle-5612
  • 20
    wanderingscavenger I would be happy to recieve an allowance and not have to work, I don't know why she wouldn't be happy with that. What size allowance were you thinking of giving her?
    via wanderingscavenger
  • 21
    Hot-Principle-5612 OP I was thinking 500/mo
    via Hot-Principle-5612
  • 22
    lyrical_llama You needed to put her on an allowance yesterday if she has no respect for the budget. Now is the second best time.
    via lyrical_llama
  • 23
    goodbabygirl444 NTA, I've been married for 20+ years and I am a sahm. Following a budget is necessary for long term success, she deserves an allowance, but it has to be within your means. Running a
    via goodbabygirl444
  • 24
    household has to be run like a small business for it to thrive. Plus you gotta save for retirement/illness, you never know what life is going to throw at you.
    via goodbabygirl444

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stay at home mom relationship advice aita marriage drama job shopping wife relationship-drama relationships husband couples love married money budget
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