Mother-in-law schedules surgery during son and daughter-in-law's long-awaited 15 day international vacation, wants them to cancel: 'This was clearly intentional and you'd be nuts to cancel'

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JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Aug 27, 2025 10:00 PM EDT

If you've been planning something for a long time, odds are you're pretty committed to that timeline. Especially if it's a vacation. You've been planning it, you've bought your tickets in advance, maybe you've booked some tours, and you're taking time off work. You're putting time, effort, and money into this trip, and you want to make good on it because you're probably not getting those back. Of course, life happens, and sometimes you have to abandon your plans at the last minute. But not everything is an emergency. You know what they say, "A lack of preparation on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine." This is one of the truest sentences ever uttered. 

You know this if you've ever worked in customer service or if you've ever had a pesky family member. People will try to take advantage of your kindness if you let them. It's good to be known as a generous person, but you have to draw boundaries to protect your peace. That's what one woman had to do when dealing with her drama queen mother-in-law. 

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  • An older woman looks stern in a wooded path.
    via Unsplash+ (A. C.)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • When her mother-in-law scheduled a surgery for when she and her husband were on vacation, she knew that it might have been on purpose. But she wasn't quite sure how to proceed with her plans without causing major family drama. So she turned to the internet to see what others thought of her situation. Read on for what they said. 

  • AITA for not cancelling our long-planned trip because my MIL scheduled surgery at the same time?

    My husband and I have a big trip planned for 5 weeks from now. It's a once-in-a-lifetime type of vacation, 15 days on the other side of the world, over 27 hours of flights each way. We've been planning and saving for it for over 6 months. Both of us work very stressful jobs and very rarely get the chance to take any time off like this. (never did on the last 12years)
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  • My MIL (70) has several health problems. She recently scheduled a complicated surgery for exactly the same time we'll be away. (She knew we were away) We were not consulted about the timing. There's almost no other family around, and the few relatives who live about 40 minutes away either don't drive, have jobs, or simply can't/won't help her during recovery.
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  • We don't have the option to reschedule our trip without losing a significant amount of money, and honestly, we suspect she chose these dates partly for attention or to create conflict, there were other possible dates.
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  • Now there's pressure on us to cancel and be there for her, but we feel that after all the time, money, and energy we put into this trip, and how rarely we get breaks, it's unfair to expect us to change our plans. AITA for deciding to still go on our trip?
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  • Commenters agreed that this was an unreasonable ask.

    Individual_Metal_983 2d ago NTA it almost sounds deliberate. "You scheduled surgery for when we are away. If you are going to need our help then you will need to reschedule. Or make other arrangements."
    via u/Individual_Metal_983
  • Invisible_Friend1 • 2d ago Nta. She can go to a rehab facility or have home health visits. I'd pretend she deliberately scheduled when you weren't going to be there to save you from the headache of her care, and the worry, and isn't that so sweet, just like her to do.
    via u/Invisible_Friend1
  • An older woman talks to a younger woman on a hike.
    via Unsplash+ (A. C.)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Salty-Mud-4766 · 2d ago I get the family pressure, but no. You're not wrong for going. You planned ahead, gave notice, and she chose those dates anyway. That's not your emergency to fix
    via u/Salty-Mud-4766
  • Houseofmonkeys5 2d ago You're gone for 15 days. She has 350 other days of the year to choose. This was clearly intentional and you'd be nuts to cancel.
    via u/Houseofmonkeys5
  • lilgreengoddess • 2d ago Nta. At her age and her need likely for constant care, she's probably best suited for short stay rehab in a nursing care home so she can get the appropriate care she needs.
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  • HuntAccurate9397 2d ago . NTA, she knew when you were going away, she chose to schedule, so she deals with the fallout. Go and enjoy your trip!
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  • CAPalmer1 · 2d ago NTA. 'Oh no, that's exactly when we are away. What a shame we won't be here to help!' Any comments about it, then say something like the trip can't be moved, so if you need us then you will have to move the surgery for when we get back.
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  • Mist... 2d ago Edited 2d ago NTA. But I'm very unsympathetic to people expecting assistance from me without okaying it with me first. Other commenters might be nicer souls.
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  • Can your MIL pay for in-home caregivers? Notice I didn't say, does she want to pay. If so, she can shell out the money, the same as if you weren't living nearby to rely on. Otherwise, tell her to reschedule her surgery. Which is quite possible since she had been given a few
    via u/MistySky1999
  • choices. She can tell them she couldn't get post-surgery assistance on the original date so it no longer works for her. Enjoy your vacation!
    via u/MistySky1999
  • • SuperGiGi1016 · 2d ago Your MIL sounds so much like mine... I'm sorry. My MIL scheduled a surgery for the day I was going to be induced. She expected my husband to take her. When he reminded her that I was going to be induced that day, she said that I have family who can be there with me and he
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  • needed to take her. He then told her that he wasn't going to miss the birth of his child. She flipped out and said that he didn't love her, didn't care if she did, and I planned to be induced on that day to spite her... even though I was scheduled well before she scheduled her surgery. OP, go on your vacation. Have a wonderful time!
    via u/SuperGiGi1016
  • k23_k23 2d ago NTA don't reshedule. She knowingly sheduled her surgery for a time you were a away. Now sahe has to handle you being away. Not your drama. "Now there's pressure on us to cancel and be there for her" .. make this a hard no.
    via u/k23_k23
  • . Any-Philosopher2593 2d ago NTA: she had other options but specifically chose the dates of your trip. Let her know that that alone made you assume you were not needed to help with recovery. She had it all under control because clearly if she wanted your help she'd have asked
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  • and actively planned with you around. If she really needs you two specifically, ask her to reschedule her surgery to after you're back and can be present to help. Otherwise list all the other people who she can rely on if she really doesn't want to reschedule.
    via u/Any-Philosopher2593
  • Impossible_Gazelle27 • 2d ago Are you the surgeon? The assistant surgeon? No? Enjoy your trip.
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  • Artistic-Sherbert136 · 2d ago . Tell MIL you are going to be out of the country and she needs to look into caregiving options through the hospital rehab dept. and social workers. MIL can easily reschedule an elective surgery and I'm sure that's exactly what she will do when she realizes you are not canceling your trip. Have a wonderful vacation!
    via u/Artistic-Sherbert136
  • 30Helenssayfuckoff 2d ago The only way this isn't an a h le move by your MIL is if the surgery is time-sensitive and this was the soonest she could get in. If she had multiple options and chose this one on purpose, she's the one who s ks. NTA. Go on your trip and let her reschedule, since it won't cost her anything.
    via u/30Helenssayfuckoff
  • Taakahamsta · 2d ago NTA. She did this on purpose because you have time off. Call her bluff and say you're still going. Jesus. I hate this kind of thing.
    via u/Taakahamsta
  • meeksish .2d ago NTA It's not her responsibility to keep track of your schedules, but it is on her to check in with you if she expects/wants help with post-op care. If it's not a system where it's "you get scheduled wherever the surgeon is available" but can choose an appropriate date that works for all parties, then
    via u/meeksish
  • that's on her. She also shouldn't expect you to reschedule your lives for her - this clearly sounds like a once-in-your-life travel, and unless if there is a super high probability where her surgery could 1) end her life, ie low success rate or 2) they need your husband to make a medical decision for her if she's not responsive, then I say go live your life. Where is FIL in this? He's not able to help? -
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  • Bubbly_Chicken_93... 2d ago Nope. It's not an emergency/urgent surgery. She knew about the dates when scheduling it. "I'm so sorry we won't be able to be there for the recovery until a few days after our trip." is the end of the discussion.
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  • Also, make sure she doesn't expect you to go straight to her place from the airport. You're going to be jetlagged and need a couple of days to get back on track. NTA.
    via u/Bubbly_Chicken_9358
  • ResponsibleHuman64 2d ago NTA. Have your husband talk to his mother and ask her to reschedule since it's not an emergency. Explain to her what you'll be losing if you cancel your trip. If she won't budge, have a great trip. She put herself in the situation where she'll have nobody to help her. It will be her problem to solve.
    via u/ResponsibleHuman64

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