'She doesn't pay a cent toward rent, utilities, or groceries': Roommate Rehaan lets girlfriend stay over 5 nights a week, refuses to ask her to contribute

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Sep 1, 2025 10:00 AM EDT

It can be annoying to live with somebody who has a significant other. It's a delicate balance of how often they come over to your house, use your space, etc. Of course, you want to support your friend and hopefully you like their romantic partner at least enough to put up with them, but it is not their space at the end of the day. It can be hard to define just how much is appropriate for a significant other to be in a shared space. Do you put a certain number of days on it? Is it more about contributing when they are here, aka cleaning up the kitchen and bathroom? You don't wanna have to draw up a contract, especially if you're friends. 

But if somebody is at your house, 24/7, you probably want them to be paying rent. Or maybe you don't want them around so much. If you're living in a small apartment, another person adds a lot more strain on your shared environment. This is a common story, but one that still isn't easy to deal with. It can cause tensions and even the most stable roommate relationships. 

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  • A roommate plays guitar while the other reads.
    via Anita Monteiro

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • That's what happened to this pair of roommates when one of their girlfriends started staying over way too much. And when the roommate tried to say something about it, everyone told him that he was overreacting. So he reached out to the internet to get some second opinions. Read on to see what happened.

  • Am I in the wrong for telling my roommate his girlfriend can't basically live with us for free?

    I (25M) share a 2BHK apartment with my roommate "Rehaan" (24M). We've been living together for almost a year and things were smooth until his girlfriend (22F) started spending most of her time here.
    via u/shwarma_777
  • At first, she'd come over a night or two during the week, no problem. But now it's like she's here 5 days out of 7. She showers here, cooks here, uses the WiFi, sometimes even does her laundry in our machine. She doesn't pay a cent toward rent, utilities, or groceries.
    via u/shwarma_777
  • I honestly feel like I'm living with two roommates even though I only agreed to live with one. It's not even about disliking her, she's nice enough, but I feel taken advantage of. I'm paying half the rent and bills, while she's basically getting the perks of living here for free.
    via u/shwarma_777
  • I brought it up to Rehaan and told him it's unfair unless she contributes or at least cuts down on how often she's here. He got defensive, called me "stingy," and said I should be chill about it because "she's basically family." I told him if she's basically family, then she can chip in like one.
    via u/shwarma_777
  • Now he's giving me the cold shoulder and making little comments like "Don't worry, she won't touch your food." My other friends are divided: some say I'm right to set boundaries, others say I'm making a big deal out of nothing.
    via u/shwarma_777

  • Commenters agreed he needs to nip this in the bud.

    Wonderful_Two_67... 18h ago . NTA. Your roommate needs to realize that HIS girlfriend's actions are costing YOU money. It's not about being stingy, it's about YOU having to pay for HIS girlfriend's room and board. He needs to grow up, be an adult and a good roommate, and chip in more money to subsidize HIS choices.
    via u/Wonderful_Two_6710
  • completedett • 18h ago NTA 5 days is too much, it should be maximum 2 days a week, if she stays longer everything needs to be split 3 ways with you paying 1 part and roommate and gf paying rest.
    via u/completedett
  • Beabettame· 18h ago NTA either he or she pays her way or she goes back to being a visitor and stays once or twice a week max. She's using the energy, water and taking up space she isn't paying for. Deffo NTA
    via u/Beabettame
  • LividIdeal791 · 18h ago NTA―she using the utilities and you didn't sign on for a 3rd roommate. When a roommate basically moves in their bf/gf it makes the other roommate feel like a third wheel. If you have a friend that they don't really care for
    via u/LividIdeal791
  • then you should start having them come over every single day when the girlfriend is there and when he complains, just remind him that they're like family.
    via u/LividIdeal791
  • seaclifftonne • 18h ago Tell him you invited your cousin to move in, it's ok because they're family.
    via u/seaclifftonne
  • A pair of roommates hang out on the couch.
    via Esteban Gerard

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Doughnut-disturb • 18h ago Why is Rehaan not spending half the week, at her place? Maybe you should ask if you can move in a cousin or something, see if that sparks any understanding.
    via u/Doughnut-disturb
  • No-Assignment5538 · 18h ago NTA. If she is there that much your room mate needs to be paying 2/3 of everything to cover her share: food, rent, utility bill, the works. You are in effect living with a 3rd room mate so the costs should be split 3 ways. If she won't pay her 3rd directly the BF (your "official" room mate) needs to cover it.
    via u/No-Assignment5538
  • You aren't being stingy. This person isn't your anything: not your relative, not your romantic partner, you are not required to cover her costs. She is being a leech and will continue to use you and take advantage as long as you keep allowing it. Sit your room mate down and tell him that going forward you will only be paying 1/3 of everything.
    via u/No-Assignment5538
  • kswilson68 • 18h ago Review lease/rental agreement, talk to apartment owner/leasing agent. It will be out of your hands and you might want to start looking for a new apartment and roommate
    via u/kswilson68
  • DoyoudotheDew ⚫ 18h ago Check your lease for frequency of overnight guests allowed. Tell her to leave.
    via u/DoyoudotheDew
  • Objective_Attempt... 18h ago nope pay 1/3 the rent full stop no more asking now your telling. she the 3rd roommate she can pay her 1/3 or only come 2 days a week no doing laundry or cooking he can go to her...
    via u/Objective_Attempt_14
  • Nobody7713 • 18h ago NTA. If she was just staying in your roommate's room, that'd be one thing. But if you share food and utilities, then she should be chipping in for that.
    via u/Nobody7713
  • • espressothenwine 18h ago NTA. You rented the place with him, not with him and his girlfriend. You have every right to have a problem with him having another person who bascially lives there, it doesn't matter if she is nice or not. I would not want to live with another couple if I was single. A couple of nights a week was a good compromise if you ask me. You might need to find a new roomie.
    via u/espressothenwine
  • That being said, you are taking up one room and your roommate is taking the other (I assume). So, you are both paying half the rent. To me, his girlfriend wouldn't owe a third of the rent because she doesn't have her own room and you do. So by occupancy, you should be paying half the
    via u/espressothenwine
  • rent. Even if she was chipping in for rent, that money would go to your roomie towards paying for his half, not to you because you are the only one who has your own room and thus it makes sense you pay 50% of the rent.
    via u/espressothenwine
  • I think you have a valid point when it comes to the other expenses. If she is in fact using all of the utilities and she is eating all the food that you both are contributing towards, then I agree with you that she should contribute a fair amount towards these
    via u/espressothenwine
  • expenses of things she is actually using and getting a benefit from. I don't know what a fair amount is, but you would know how much your monthly bills and food bills are. There is no reason you should profit off his GF living there, but there is also no reason why she should profit
    via u/espressothenwine
  • off of you when you aren't the one dating her. If your buddy wants to chip in for her instead of asking her, fine, he is welcome to do that. The color of the money doesn't matter...
    via u/espressothenwine
  • Long_Fox1109 • 18h ago NTA. I was in a similar situation with my ex and I actively decided to pitch in wherever I could- groceries, cooking food for everyone, getting takeaways, etc until we decided to move in together.
    via u/Long_Fox1109

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