'I can't shake the feeling that I lost my son again': Wife considers living in Kentucky while husband moves to Montana so she and her 9-year-old daughter can be closer to 13-year-old son

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Sep 5, 2025 9:00 AM EDT

While they can work out just fine with the right attitude and some effort, it is easy to run into issues while being a part of a blended family. It often means that the needs and desires of twice as many people have to be taken into account when making any major decision, and it can be unavoidable that this is not going to make everybody happy. 

Being a parent who does not share their kids with their partner in this dynamic can be especially tough. At its worst, it can feel like forever having to choose between the kids and the relationship. On the one hand, somebody who marries a person who already has children has to take this into account and adjust accordingly. On the other hand, it is the responsibility of the parent to make sure that they are with a partner who will fit the needs of their desired lifestyle.

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  • a couple embrace outside, a man faced away from the camera and the woman towards the camera
    via Kateryna Hliznitsova

  • A woman found herself dealing with this dilemma when she and her husband could not agree on which state they should move to. She wanted to go to Kentucky so she and her daughter could be closer to her son in Ohio, where he lived with his father. However, despite initially raising it as an option, her husband became set on moving to Montana.

    Feeling guilty that she did not see her son often enough, the woman insisted that if he didn't want to move where she did, they would have to live apart. She wanted a second opinion on the situation from the outside.

  • Husband and I can't agree where to move, so I said I'd move without him

    136f, husband 42m agree we want to move from CA, but cannot agree on a state.. Husband has a son who's an adult but I have 2 children from 2 previous relationships, 13m & 9f. I have full custody of my daughter but my son moved with his father in Ohio after fathers home burnt down.. This was a hard decision for me as I wanted to not let my son leave, but I felt he'd thrive more with his father during his teenage years (which he has and I do not regret my decision) However, I deeply miss my son, h
    via Opposite-Mushroom995
  • events in his life-mom guilt is emotionally/mentally tearing me apart. Also Flying him back for the summers and 1 week during Christmas is taking a toll on me financially.
    via Opposite-Mushroom995
  • Husband and I first agreed on WY or MT, but after looking at real estate prices in those states (for what we want) is out of our budget. Husband brought up KY, right below OH!! This sparked something in me and it felt like there was light at the end of this "mom-guilt" tunnel. I'll be close enough to DRIVE to my son for any given event. (Extracurricular activities, birthdays, holidays, he'll be learning to drive soon, high school dances, etc) The prices in KY are phenomenal. Everything seemed to
    via Opposite-Mushroom995
  • a close up of a boy's face
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)
  • the up & up and we agreed to search for homes in KY. Now husband says its MT or bust.. (He says his expectations have shifted from what we've originally agreed on although mine have not)
    via Opposite-Mushroom995
  • Here's where it gets tricky.. yes we're married but we do keep our finances separate as | spend alot and he doesn't, so to avoid conflict regarding money, we split the bills and keep separate bank accounts.. The money we'd use to buy our new home is from his home (he bought prior to us meeting) along with funds from his family's inheritance.. I feel guilty
    via Opposite-Mushroom995
  • putting my foot down and saying 'No, we agreed on KY we're moving to KY and that's that" so I told him "I'd move to KY with or without him so I can be close to my son.. Im not leaving you, but I'm putting my son first" (I would rent or buy a cheap temporary home, something comfortable but not permanent)
    via Opposite-Mushroom995
  • My reasons for my standpoint: I swore I'd never put a man before my children since my mother did that to me. In 2017, I lost custody of both my children for 2 years while I got clean & sober, I worked so hard to get custody back and promised myself and my children to always be present for them.. So, I can't shake the feelings that 'I lost my son again' although its a totally different situation, the feelings are the same.
    via Opposite-Mushroom995
  • Husband is upset cause he's always felt once his son grows up he's free to do as he pleases, but (his words) " he met me- the love of his life and basically started all over with kids and the responsibilities that come with kids, so I've already sacrificed enough" I did tell him when can always move again once my kids are adults, but he says he doesn't want to move ever again- so we'd be shopping for our forever home? Marriage is about sacrifice. So is being a parent. AITAH for choosing my kid?
    via Opposite-Mushroom995
  • a fenced pathway through a field at dusk, leading to a building
    via Intricate Explorer

  • Commenters were split on the best course of action.

    perpetuallyxhausted INFO: Why exactly is your husband saying MT or bust?
    via perpetuallyxhausted
  • Opposite-Mushroom995 OP He's an avid outdoors man and wants the access to hunting in MT as a resident. I know, I know. That's what he wants to do in life so I get it but I have a hard time accepting that over being closer to my kid
    via Opposite-Mushroom995
  • Salt_Signature8164 Seems like you both want different futures at this point
    via Salt_Signature8164
  • FreddieJasonizz This is a tough one. Both seem justified. No matter what you tell yourself, you buying a house in Ky while your husband buys one in MT, will be the end of your marriage.
    via FreddieJasonizz
  • Better-Breakfast6627 Both of your feelings are valid but I think your "mom guilt" is getting to you more than anything. Even if you guys did move to KY, how often are you really going to be making that drive to see your son? Also, I have no doubt that if you left your husband, that would be the end of your marriage. Because if he doesn't have to worry about having space for you or your daughter, he could downsize to live comfortably for himself in MT.
    via Better-Breakfast6627
  • Karlao222 Maybe you can cut some expenses here and there so you can go visit your son more often or fly him home. You say you spend a lot. Make a budget or maybe contribute less to the home expenses if it's possible. I would sacrifice a lot to spend more time with my kid.
    via Karlao222
  • HorizonHunter 1982 Why would you not just move to Ohio at that point? The answer to that question feels pretty obvious. It's a bluff to try to force his hand which automatically makes you the a****** If you had made an honest decision to go live near your son and offered you husband the choice to join you or not with no hard feelings that would be different but that's not what's happening here
    via HorizonHunter1982
  • AlienGoddess91 You're thinking of your son but what about your daughter? Kentucky is one of the worst states to raise children in, one of the worst on education and in women's reproductive health and rights. ESH
    via AlienGoddess91
  • ReasonableCookie9369 If he isnt moving with you why stick with KY and not go within an hr of your boy? Both OH and KY are big states, you're easily still facing a day's drive depending on where in each state you two are located. I feel 0 sympathy about your husband "starting over" with kids, you had em when you met him.
    via ReasonableCookie9369
  • EnvironmentEuphoric9 If money is strained now to afford a plane ticket in the summer and at Christmas time, how would it be living as a single mom? That seems like it would be incredibly difficult.
    via EnvironmentEuphoric9
  • PumpernickelJohnson YTA. You have an EXTENSIVE history of making bad decisions, and your here looking for permission to make more. End the relationship with your husband, so you can do what you want without dragging him down.
    via PumpernickelJohnson
  • boardguy2 You are missing an important piece of the puzzle...what does your daughter want? You do have two kids. Haven't heard you mention her? Seems very one child focused.
    via boardguy2

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marriage relationships parenting family aita Montana kentucky ohio reddit thread daughter Reddit mom son
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