'I didn't sign up for this': 21-year-old gives her roommate's cat up for adoption because he's neglectful and keeps forcing her to take care of it, he finds out a day later and gets furious

We cannot stress the importance of having rules when it comes to living with roommates. More often than not, these are people that you don't know, whose lives you don't understand, whose boundaries you have to know and respect. As they have to do with yours. Involving cats into that situation is something that has to be discussed, something that you have to write rules for too. Otherwise, you get all kinds of uncomfortable situations. 

Sometimes, it's just annoying things, like if your roommate thinks that your cat is also their cat. Other times, it's downright offensive, like when your roommate expects you to clean up after their cat. And then there are times like what happened in this story, when the roommate adopts a cat without asking for permission, crossing your unfortunately unstated boundaries and then neglects the cat and expects you to take care of it. When that happens, you, as the roommate, have to start making difficult decisions.

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Author image for Mariel Ruvinsky Mariel Ruvinsky
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  • 01

    "[Am I wrong] for giving up my roommate's cat for adoption?"

    picture of an orange kitten sleeping
    via Unsplash / Nishaan ahmed

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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  • 02
    I (21M) live with my roommate (22M) in a fairly small apartment, Shortly after he moved into the apartment he came home one day with a small cat he had found on the street, At first I didn't have any problem with it, but like 3 weeks later he stopped caring about it,
    via reddit
  • 03
    From time to time he would close the door to his room and leave the cat outside because the cat was supposedly too annoying. He also forgot to feed it often and I was the one doing it most of the time,
    via reddit
  • 04
    The last straw was when one day while I was out he locked the poor cat in MY room because "it was bothering him" and when I came back the cat had scratched my desk and chair.
    via reddit
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  • 05
    I had enough, I didn't sign up for this, so the next day I grabbed the cat went to the nearest animal shelter and gave up for adoption. The NEXT DAY he asked about the cat (he hadn't even it noticed it was gone for a full day), and when I told him what I had done he got furious, now he won't speak to me. Am I the ah le?
    via reddit
  • 06
    EDIT: Multiple times before I've told him that I should not be the one feeding the cat that HE brought home. Also, when he first brought the cat home I told him very clearly that I didn't want a pet and that if he decided to keep it it would be his responsibility and his responsibility only.
    via reddit
  • 07
    picture of an orange kitten
    via Unsplash / Nishaan ahmed

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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  • We cannot be mad at her. We can't. As much as we love cats, and there is some part of us that hopes she would have fallen in love with him enough to put up with all of this, that's not how things work. It was not her job to take care of the cat, and his owner was clearly not doing it either. 

  • 08
    RefrigeratorFun4676 INFO: did you ever talk to him about this? Set ground rules for bringing an animal into the shared home? Tell him what was bothering you?
    via RefrigeratorFun4676
  • 09
    [deleted] OP Yes, I told him multiple times to take care of the cat he brought home, and when he first brought it home I told him that I didn't want a pet and that if he really wanted to keep the cat he should be the only one taking care of it
    via reddit
  • 10
    picture of a cute kitten
    via Unsplash / Kym Ellis - kymellis

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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  • We believe that this person did the right thing. It sounds like this cat is a sweetheart, non problems with it whatsoever, and that means - we hope - that the kitty has a very good chance of getting adopted again, by a better person this time, by someone who actually wants her. 

  • 11
    trashbuttrying NTA on this one, it sounds like he was being neglectful, had he even taken it to get a checkup and see if it was neutered? An animal isnt just a decoration, it needs to be taken care of
    via trashbuttrying
  • 12
    IAA101 I'm so surprised by the Y-T-A comments here. Are you guys for real? If OP is telling the story as it really happened, the flatmate was literally neglecting his cat?? Which is ab e! If he wasn't feeding it and leaving OP to be responsible for it, we can't even consider him to be an owner.
    via IAA101
  • 13
    Someone even said that OP should have rather moved out -- so that what, the cat could starve to death alone? OP did the right thing, and I don't see the point in discussing it with the so-called "owner" beforehand when he didn't even care enough to make sure his own cat was fed and didn't even notice immediately when it was no longer in the apartment.
    via IAA101
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  • 14
    If people here are concerned about the legal ramifications of surrendering [edited] someone's pet without their permission, that's understandable, but it still doesn't make OP TA. Morally, the only person who's wrong here is the neglectful roommate.
    via IAA101
  • 15
    picture of someone holding a cute kitten
    via Unsplash / Haley Owens - haleyo

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 16
    otakucreationshub There are two sides to this imo. For once, if he brought a cat and stopped caring about it like you described, it's him being TA. But, simply taking the cat to a shelter is a little too much especially since it wasn't yours. I would say it was the right choice only if you had a conversation about his neglect with him and he did not listen.
    via otakucreationshub
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  • 17
    Res_Novae17 NTA. If he wants the cat back what's stopping him from going to the shelter and adopting it?
    via Res_Novae17
  • 18
    PoyosBizarre Adventur Definitely NTA and dont let anyone tell you otherwise. What a roommate btw.
    via PoyosBizarreAdventur
  • 19
    Big-Quality-4820 You did the right thing and saved the kitten from neglect.
    via Big-Quality-4820
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