'Workplaces reward the loud and confident over diligent competence': Manager says employee 'lacks presence' in meetings, employee responds with confusion

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Sep 11, 2025 10:00 PM EDT

Not everyone has a big personality, and not everyone has to. Some people would rather put their heads down and work rather than pipe up at every opportunity. Also, not everyone is a verbal communicator. Some are much better written or visual communicators. Unfortunately, though, the workplace often favors good verbal communicators with big personalities. Those are the folks who know how to use their network to their advantage. Those are the people who are good at forming relationships right off the bat with their gregariousness. 

Quieter workers might be just as effective, or even more effective, than their counterparts who have a little more comfort participating, but they don't get recognized as often. This is one of the unfair things about the workplace. We're humans with human judgements, and sometimes that can get clouded by the voices that are the loudest in the room. But is the onus on the quieter ones to become louder, or is it on the loud folks to listen a little bit more? Or is it the job of employers to recognize both kinds of talent?

Add as a preferred
source on Google
Advertisement
  • A coworker gives feedback to another coworker.
    via Resume Genius

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Those are the questions that came up in this story, where an employee received some feedback that she was unsure how to implement. Was she being overlooked for opportunities just because of her personality, or was it an effective piece of business advice? Read on for the story to see what you think. 

  • My manager says I 'lack presence' in meetings... what does that even mean?

    had my review and I'm honestly confused as h I. my manager said my technical work is really strong and I hit all my deadlines but apparently I "don't have enough presence in meetings" and need to step up my visibility. like... I contribute when I have something
    via u/hiddenspam
  • actually useful to say? I listen, I ask good questions, I follow up on action items. but I don't just talk to fill silence or dominate conversations. isn't that BETTER than being one of those people who loves hearing their own voice??
    via u/hiddenspam
  • now I'm stressed that my natural communication style is gonna keep me stuck at the same level forever. I don't want to become a fake loud person just to get noticed but apparently being competent and thoughtful isn't enough anymore. has anyone else gotten this kind of feedback?? what did you do about it? did you actually change your personality or find other ways to show presence whatever that means???
    via u/hiddenspam
  • A woman receives feedback from her coworker.
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Commenters gave their ideas about this situation.

    lengman22 · 1h ago . got told almost the exact same thing and spent months thinking it meant I'd never move up because I'm not naturally a big personality. tried a bunch of self- reflection stuff to figure out how to be more visible. cliftonstrengths, mbti,
    via u/lengman22
  • random leadership books...got a few useful insight but this pigment career assessment really reframed the whole thing for me. showed me my actual strength is strategic thinking and problem solving, not charisma or being the center of attention.
    via u/lengman22
  • once I understood that I started making my contributions more visible in different ways. writing thoughtful follow-up emails, framing discussions around big picture implications, that kind of stuff. feedback totally flipped after that. don't mistake being quiet for lacking presence. it's about showing your value clearly, not being the loudest person in the room.
    via u/lengman22
  • takeitawayfellas ⚫ 1h ago . Workplaces reward the loud and confident over diligent competence. There is no way around this. I have never observed a workplace that appropriately prioritized competence relative to confidence.
    via u/takeitawayfellas
  • Loud mouths get raises. I learned to accept I needed a new personality if I ever wanted to be on the executive track and cope with making a middling salary with less responsibility and a bunch of incompetent loudmouth bosses.
    via u/takeitawayfellas
  • dnult 2h ago It means speaking up and being part of the conversation. Express agreement. Ask questions. Propose options and explain. why you support one over the others or describe your concerns that influence your choice. Volunteer to take action items in meetings. Explore options and present your findings.
    via u/dnult
  • III_Ad6621.2h ago I absolutely have fallen into this same category. Unlike a lot of people I work with, I don't think out loud. When there is a general issue that's posed, I like to think through it in my head and work out possible problems before I even say anything. To some, that looks like a lack of presence being they don't participate that way.
    via u/III_Ad6621
  • For my current team, it was just a learning curve that this is how I operate. But when I do speak up, it's something I've very thoroughly thought. through. I find I actually get better respect for sharing my opinions now that they know it's how I operate.
    via u/III_Ad6621
  • That said, not all participation in meetings is about giving your view or opinion. Sometimes it's about being a good active follower, meaning you are giving encouragement and the feeling of a safe space for ideas to flow. You can do that by verbally thanking others
    via u/III_Ad6621
  • for sharing, or even verbally sharing empathy when you don't have things to add. Example: "Susan, I don't have any suggestions to address this issue. I just want to commend you for bringing it up and looking for buy-in."
    via u/III_Ad6621
  • BruinBound22 45m ago Honestly more concerning is your attitude about this feedback
    via u/BruinBound22
  • LutschiPutschi • 2h ago I'm generally someone who prefers to tell too much rather than too little. I've had too many stupid situations because person a didn't know xy and no one informed person B about abc...
    via u/LutschiPutschi
  • Or a classic: I notice that there is a specific problem in the software. I mention it in the meeting and suddenly 3 other locations report that they had noticed this before. ??? Why didn't you tell me immediately? Then maybe it could have been fixed long ago?!?
    via u/LutschiPutschi
  • In the future, just write down if something unusual/worth mentioning happens. And at the next meeting you talk about it. Apparently your boss would like to see it.
    via u/LutschiPutschi
  • vampirelibrarian • 2h ago Speak up, share opinions & ideas actively, offer to help with projects before being asked, take initiative & follow through, be a leader. It's one thing to do the bare minimum. It's one thing to answer a question when directly asked. It's something else entirely to be a proactive participant at keeping the ship running and moving forward.
    via u/vampirelibrarian
  • J... 32m ago Edited 28m ago If . . you were expected to rise to the level of certain expectations, wouldn't it have been better to tell manager that you don't quite understand what he meant and if he could explain? Perhaps manager's explanation could provide a nugget or pearl of inspiration to benefit op in the future.
    via u/Jheritheexoticdancer

Want More? Follow Us and Add Us as a Preferred Source on Google.

Tags

boss antiwork workplace-stories toxic-workplace job bosses work coworkers working reddit story toxic-boss workplace reddit thread bad bosses Reddit toxic-work-environment
Scroll Down For The Next Article