14-year-old shortens her name to mirror her late mother's name, only for her father, who encouraged the name change prior, to forbid it when he remarries a jealous woman: 'She wanted that extra connection to her mom'

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  • "She started using Cam's full name all the time and my brother took her side when fights ensued."
  • "AITA for sitting my brother and SIL down and speaking up for my niece (and nephews) on how badly they are handling the new normal for their stepfamily?"

    My brother has three children, Luc (16M), Cam (14F) and Bow (11M) with my late best friend Cam. My brother and late best friend were married for almost a decade and separated just before Cam passed away from a brain bl d in her early 30s.
  • My niece Cam was named very similarly to her mother intentionally. My brother was the one who suggested it when they found out baby number two was a girl.
  • My niece always used her full name however while my best friend was always Cam. After my best friend d d, my niece decided she wanted that extra connection to her mom and stopped using her full name and chose to go by Cam.
  • Everyone respected this and started calling her Cam. My brother had no problem with her doing this previously. He called her Cam just like everybody else.
  • My niece, when asked about her name, would say she was named after her mom and mini Cam. This has become a problem now because my brother remarried a couple of years ago.
  • His new wife always had a problem with Cam being Cam and being a mini. She tried to use Cam's full name but my niece told her she didn't like it and went by Cam for a reason.
  • SIL vocalized some complaints a few months into the marriage but dropped it around the rest of the family when she had no support in her complaints.
  • When she remembered that I was late Cam's best friend she closed off to me completely. A few times she complained about how often Cam (my best friend) was mentioned.
  • And how people reminded Cam (niece) that she looks just like her mom. It all came to a head two months ago when my brother and SIL sat the kids down and told Cam it was bothering SIL to have her use the same name as her mom.
  • stressed young woman upset at husband
  • That she wanted them all to use her full name like she did before her mom d d. She said she did not see why that was such a big deal. My brother backed her up with the request.
  • She also requested that they speak about their mom less at home because it makes SIL uncomfortable. Instead of doing this the kids all doubled down and talked about their mom MORE and Cam made sure her name was used significantly more.
  • The boys would repeat her name just to get to SIL. My brother said nothing until SIL tried to put a stop to it and he supported her again. He told the kids not to chase SIL away.
  • They said they wanted to and they'd rather she go than their mom's memory go. There was a fight several days after that discussion where Cam told SIL she would never be as good as her mom and just because she was so jealous and insecure she was going to compare everything so she'd realize how not good she is.
  • Cam was punished for this. The boys supported their sister and more discourse erupted in the house. The kids bundled all their mom's things up and sent them to my house for safe keeping.
  • SIL then freaked out about how much they were turning her into the enemy. She started using Cam's full name all the time and my brother took her side when fights ensued.
  • The kids told me about it last week and I decided someone else needed to step in so I sat my SIL and brother down and told them plainly they were messing up the new normal as a stepfamily.
  • I said by making their mom the enemy or someone who needs to be hidden away SIL and my brother have guaranteed she WILL be the enemy to them.
  • I said fighting a person over their name just shows how much the two of them need to figure their sh out. They didn't appreciate it coming from me and they accused me of overstepping. AITA?

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