'Chores are valuable, but they don't build equity': Man refuses to give live-in girlfriend 50% equity on their first home because she refuses to put any money toward the mortgage, she insists that doing 60% of the cooking and cleaning is enough

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Sep 17, 2025 10:00 AM EDT

Everyone, at some point, gets to the point in their romantic relationships where they must figure out how to divvy up finances. Splitting costs down the middle often doesn't make sense because one person in the relationship might make only half of what their partner makes. This is the common debate of equal versus equitable. The man in this next story explains that his girlfriend refuses to put any money toward their prospective home's mortgage because she believes doing a little more than half of the household chores suffices, but still demands 50% equity on the home if they go through with a sale. Sometimes, people are fiscally incompatible… This is one of those cases.

The man insists that he makes much more than his girlfriend, but he would still prefer she contribute money toward the home if she expects 50% of it in her name. He attempts to compromise with several ideas to no avail, including doing 100% of the household chores while she does none, to no avail.

An impasse is present, and the couple is unlikely to make it out of this disagreement unscathed. Money problems have a real strain on relationships, and let's face it: Nobody wants to couple up with a mooch.

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  • couple arguing about unhappy relationship problems
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • "AITA for refusing to give my girlfriend 50% equity in a house if she doesn’t pay toward the mortgage?"

    I (26M) am planning to buy a house. My girlfriend (30F) and I have been living together for about 4 years now.
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  • When she first moved in she agreed to pay half for utilities and rent. That stopped after the first month as we rented out two of the other rooms in the 3-BR house.
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  • This offset most of our own rent meaning she would only have to pay $50 per week. She argued it was ridiculous for me to argue over $50 per week and stopped paying.
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  • Since then rent has increased and I currently have $350 to pay plus all bills. Her contribution is $100 per week and zero bills.
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  • Mostly groceries are 50/50 and eating out is about 80/20 (in her favour). My income is a bit higher.
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  • She makes between 90k - 100k AUD before tax per year and my most recent income was 160k AUD before tax for the year.
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  • We are both self employed so incomes vary but my income is consistently more so I don't mind paying more then her for expenses and I'm glad she's been able to save up six figures.
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  • I have covered a lot of expenses she had to pay in the past as she was paying $300 per week for rent covering bills in the past and living with me it's just $100 including all bills.
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  • She has been telling me I should buy a house for us to live in and has brought up the topic frequently so I can begin looking for a house that suits both of us.
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  • I wil only buy a property she is also happy with. I suggested we figure out how to handle finances for our joint home- ownership.
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  • I told her I'm happy to do it proportional to income. Here's where it blew up: she says because she does about 60% of the cooking and cleaning,
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  • she shouldn't have to pay anything toward the mortgage. But she still wants her name on the title and 50% equity in the house for her less then 50% contributions.
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  • My deposit will be 110k while she has said she will contribute $0 for the deposit. For context she argues the mortgage repayments are about 25% of my income.
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  • Therefore, she shouldnt have to make any commitments to contributing. She has only made vague promises of helping if I cannot afford to pay or cannot do it easily
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  • without defining what she means by 'easily' or 'afford'. After the deposit my savings would be reduced down to 50k while her savings currently sit at 140k in her business account.
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  • But she argues it will be much lower after she pays taxes. I think it's unfair for her to contribute nothing while comfortably sitting on more then double me in savings.
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  • I just want to discuss a reasonable agreement with her so I can plan financially to buy the house we both want. It's a 950k house and my first home purchase.
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  • It's quite stressful and her lack of commitment doesn't inspire confidence in me. I'm not even pressing her to agree to anything specific.
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  • I just want her to come to the table and discuss with me and come to an agreement. I've offered to let her take the lead on it and just tell me exactly what she feels comfortable contributing.
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  • But she refuses to engage and just makes vague offers of saying she will help pay if I am unable to but otherwise she will pay nothing at all.
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  • I offered options: we both put nearly all our income into a joint account that covers the mortgage and bills.
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  • Or we each contribute a percentage of our income, with her percentage lower since she does more chores and earns less (I find it debatable that she does more chores but I'll just grant her that).
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  • She rejected both. Her stance is that chores = her contribution, and that should equal 50% ownership of the house.
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  • closeup of hands wearing rubber gloves doing chores
    via Curated Lifestyle For Unsplash+

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I told her I'm not comfortable with that. Chores are valuable, but they don't build equity.
    via Time_Albatross_1167
  • If she pays nothing but gets half the house, I'm taking on all the risk and giving away half an asset I'm funding.
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  • She says I'm being unfair and that if I really loved her, I wouldn't care.
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  • Now she's accusing me of being controlling with money, but from my perspective, she's refusing to discuss this at all and is valuing her doing chores.
    via Time_Albatross_1167
  • I told her I will do 100% of the chores and she does 0% if she just contributes to the mortgage at a rate that's proportional to my income.
    via Time_Albatross_1167
  • She argues I'm too disorganised and therefore I am incapable of being able to keep up with chores.
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  • I don't agree and strongly believe I do carry my weight. I drive her to work and pick her up from work daily,
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  • I help her with her emails and messages for her work. I am helping her currently prepare paperwork for an unrelated to us legal matter.
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  • If she cooks most of the time I will do the dishes afterwards and if we go out to eat 85% of the time I pay for it.
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  • We eat out probably about 3 days of the week minimum. I think it's completely unbalanced and offensive so frankly I'm mad at her and she is absolutely furious at me crying and shouting and inconsolable.
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  • So... AITA for saying I won't put her on the title or give her 50% equity unless she contributes financially to the mortgage?
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  • I told her whatever she contributes she can retain as equity. She argues that would make her just my housemate
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  • and shouts that we can just break up if I insist on her paying. I'm at my wits end.
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  • I love this girl a lot, aside from this issue she has been a supportive, loving partner who has been there for me through a lot.
    via Time_Albatross_1167
  • I won't go on and on about her good qualities but I feel she has a lot. But on this issue we are at an impass.
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  • I've got no idea what I could propose to her that she would entertain for a half decent solution.
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  • I genuinely don't care if we agree on something that's unfair for me.
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  • The current arrangement we have renting together is already skewed in her favour in my opinion.
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  • I don't need it to be exactly fair. I just don't want it to be completely outrageously unfair.
    via Time_Albatross_1167
  • Which in my opinion what she is proposing is outrageously unfair and skewed in her favour.
    via Time_Albatross_1167

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homeowner costs relationship advice aita relationship entitlement AITAH homeowner new homeowners relationship-drama reddit story relationships mortgage entitled reddit thread Reddit home entitled people
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