Childfree friends tell mom of a 12-day-old baby that she's spoiling her by holding her while she sleeps: 'How does one spoil a newborn baby???'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Sep 19, 2025 8:00 AM EDT

Everybody who has never had a baby, held a baby, or even known a baby on a personal level is always telling parents exactly how they should parent their kids. It's so silly because the second they are actually tasked with something as important as caring for a vulnerable human being, all of their well-meaning "advice" is going to fly out the window. 

The idea that someone is "spoiling their baby" isn't usually coming from childless millennials or Gen Zers who get their parenting advice from TikTok. It's coming from baby boomers who were instructed not to spoil their babies by their parents. They believe that excessive love and affection for babies will prevent them from sleeping through the night, ultimately making their parents' lives miserable. A baby crying to communicate that they want to get picked up and hugged by their mother is not manipulation. Babies are going to keep their parents up all night regardless of whether they cry or not, so they might as well receive as much physical touch as possible.

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  • The friends in this story are concerned about their friend, a new mother, spoiling her newborn baby. This baby is not even two weeks old yet, and they are already lobbing this criticism at her.

  • A woman holding a baby in her arms
    via Wesley Tingey (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I don't care if I'm "spoiling" my newborn baby.

    My baby is 12 days old. Apparently doing tons of contact naps, according to some of my friends, is "going to spoil her". People without kids saying this, mind you. How does one spoil a newborn baby???
    via u/lulgupplet
  • A woman holding a baby in her arms
    via Wesley Tingey (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Mind you she sleeps in various places alone completely fine. Crib, bassinet, baby swing. But i love having her sleep skin to skin on my chest if im awake. Ive read that it helps her develop and feel safe. Thats all i ever want. I guess that makes a 12 day old baby spoiled...
    via u/lulgupplet
  • A baby wrapped in a blanket on top of a couch
    via Wesley Tingey (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • and also i love her breathing right in my face and i love sniffing her little head and i love holding her while she farts in her sleep. sue me
    via u/lulgupplet
  • DrunkHornet "baby is 12 days old" ....your friends are mental.
    via u/DrunkHornet
  • TheYankunian They haven't even unfolded yet and they still have that very new baby smell. How a new human that can't see further than 6 inches can be spoiled is beyond me. They don't even know day from night.
    via u/TheYankunian
  • No_Jello_5922 The English speaking world is still working to undo all of the fed up child rearing habits developed in the Victorian era. Babies have been held close or in a sling for millions of years, and then some stuffy people with problems expressing affection decided that babies should be kept at arms length. Hold and snuggle babies, because they don't stay that small forever. Newborns don't have wants, they only have needs, that includes human touch.
    via u/No_Jello_5922
  • prettybananahammock Yes! Now, I don't have kids, don't want them either, but even I know, that the healthiest way to bond with your newborn child and have them develop trust and security, is to do exactly as OP does....
    via u/prettybananahammock
  • Friends are unhinged and should shut up, especially since they don't have children themselves! (Yes, I know the irony of what I just said, doesn't make it less true )
    via u/prettybananahammock
  • donkeystringbean Your baby thinks that you and her are the same person. She needs contact, cuddles and safety for her brain development. You can not spoil a baby
    via u/donkeystringbean
  • Notdesperate_hwife Gabor Mate talks about trauma in infants and the link to attachment issues as adults when an infants needs go unmet. Tons of research out there showing that you can't love a baby, or a child of any age, too much.
    via u/Notdesperate_hwife
  • Ok-Office6837 It's also crazy to think that you can "spoil" them with affection. They're not buying them oodles of Prada shoes, they're cuddling them.
    via u/Ok-Office6837
  • Mustache_of_Zeus Study after study has proven this. On the other hand not giving the baby enough love can cause long-lasting damage. OP's friends are absolute idiots.
    via u/Mustache_of_Zeus
  • ZealousidealCarob540 I contact napped with both my kids and they are totally fine at 9 and 10 and I'm still they're safe spot! I love it so much! I am of the belief that you can't actually spoil a baby. Plus, there are a ton of studies showing how naps and skin to skin or baby wearing are so beneficial for baby and mom.
    via u/ZealousidealCarob540
  • Cyberzombi You are the Mom I want in my life.
    via u/Cyberzombi
  • Lunar-opal These must be the same friends that give a 2 year old a tablet and call it good
    via u/Lunar-opal
  • moosetogo This is funny because one of the people who judged me the most when my daughter was a baby once mentioned that her "parenting hack" was to send both toddlers to bed with a tablet and let them play until they fall asleep. Like okay girl, maybe just keep that parenting advice to yourself.
    via u/moosetogo

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Tags

Babies friendship spoiling bad friend baby mother childfree contact friends parenting mommy napping naps spoiled mom sleeping parents
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