36-year-old man refuses to share ownership of home with girlfriend or let her have a say in household decisions, yet wants her to contribute more than €200/month in living costs, claiming she is now earning well: 'Won't pay towards house she doesn't own'

Living with someone isn't always rainbows and butterflies, oftentimes, it's floods and thunderstorms. But if you both are willing to share an umbrella, you'll become less likely to feel the full effect of the storm. Unless, of course, someone asks you to split the cost of the umbrella, and goes on to use it exclusively for themselves… A metaphor speaks a thousand words, and thank goodness, because after this 'altercation', we're not quite sure just how many words this girlfriend will be speaking to her boyfriend. 

They started off living together when she was still a student, and not making tons and tons of income. So he told her to move in, that way, she'll be able to save up, and they'll be able to spend more time together. The home was signed in his name, however, she still contributed €200 a month as a sort of symbolic contribution. Although after she started earning more income from her big-girl job, he started expecting her to contribute more towards the household…minus any household decisions. The latter didn't sit quite right with her, and she refused to contribute anything more without co-signing her name to the contract as well!

If she's going to contribute equally, she wants to be an equal owner, fair enough? 

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  • The situation just gets messier and messier. He doesn't want to share ownership of his house, but she doesn't want to invest in a house that is not hers. It's kind of like having separate bedrooms… except they're in different rooms, in different houses, on different streets. How can they resolve this issue if either party is unwilling to compromise? Perhaps they could leave it up to The Coin…Heads they co-sign, Tails they split expenses… 

  • "I feel resentful seeing her bank account grow while I keep pouring money into the house”
    via rovsky

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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  • AITA for asking my girlfriend to pay more than a symbolic rent even though the house is only in my name?

    A few years ago, I (36M) met my girlfriend (31F). Back then she had just moved to Germany for her studies, had very little money, and was living in a sublet situation that wasn't working out.
    via 4AVcnE
  • I invited her to move in with me. My rent at that time was about €900/month, and since I didn't have higher costs from her living with me, I only asked her for €100/month as a symbolic contribution.
    via 4AVcnE
  • Two years later I bought a house (mortgage about €1,380/month, in my name only). We both moved in together. By then she was a student and working part-time, so we agreed she'd pay €200/month as her "rent."
    via 4AVcnE
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  • There's no rental contract, it's just an arrangement between us. I also cover all the additional costs: taxes, insurance, utilities, repairs, etc.
    via 4AVcnE
  • Now, she has graduated and works full-time making good money. I also earn well. Over the past three years I've put a lot of money into the house: new floors, furniture, big TV, and more recently a solar system (~€13k).
    via 4AVcnE
  • I pay for all of that. She uses and enjoys everything of course.
    via 4AVcnE
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  • Here's the issue: she still pays me only €200/month. If we were renting an apartment together, we'd split rent 50:50, and her share would be much higher.
    via 4AVcnE
  • When I bring this up, she says she doesn't want to pay more toward a house she doesn't own. She even offered once to pay me half of the mortgage if her name got added to the deed, but I said no, I want the house to remain mine.
    via 4AVcnE
  • Another detail: I installed solar panels, and she's been charging her electric car for free with the surplus for over 6 months now.
    via 4AVcnE
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  • Technically it costs me nothing, but it does feel like she's saving money thanks to my investment.
    via 4AVcnE
  • She contributes more with cooking and cleaning, while I do the gardening work and home repairs. We split groceries about 50:50.
    via 4AVcnE
  • Cheezburger Image 10556587264
    via annastills

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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  • She has offered multiple times to buy furniture or pay for contractors, but I always declined because I wanted to handle the house myself.
    via 4AVcnE
  • Sometimes we argue about money, and I admit I feel resentful seeing her bank account grow while I keep pouring money into the house.
    via 4AVcnE
  • AITA for thinking it would be fair if she paid more than just €200/month toward our living costs, even though she's not on the deed and I don't want her to be?
    via 4AVcnE
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  • ChakraMama318 Okay, you two have been together for years. What is your long-term plan? Are you looking at marriage or just co-habitation? Where do you see this going?
    via 4AVcnE
  • I don't think it is wrong for you to ask her to kick in, but I think it would better serve you to talk about your financial situation and if you want this to be a long term thing or get married- discuss those goals. Does she want to own her own place? Would you want to go in on a house together? Get married? And then have a plan for a fair division of bills so that you are reaching toward common goals.
    via 4AVcnE
  • parodytx You can ask. She can say no. Then you can accept her answer and keep the status quo, or you can tell her she needs to move out. That's about the gist of things.
    via 4AVcnE
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  • Cheezburger Image 10556587008
    via charliepix

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • mybfisperfect So what im hearing is. You are upgrading the house entirely on your own. She has offered to pay for furniture and you have said no. That is your fault, if you want it to be split 50/50 then the house also needs to be 50/50 and you cant be upgrading it without her say so either. Theres no asking her to contribute more if its not equally her space.
    via 4AVcnE
  • Choice_Bee_1581 Yes YTA. Rent payments are gone forever, money down the drain. Mortgage payments build equity in your investment. Your gf is smart.
    via 4AVcnE
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  • TangerineCouch 18330 I guess it all depends on what your plans are for future with this woman.
    via 4AVcnE
  • Outrageous_Rabbit842 You decline her offers to purchase furniture because 'l want to handle the house myself'. This isn't her home. It's yours. And you're making sure she knows it/feels it. Frankly, if you'd said that to me I'd be moving out. Is Her kicking in extra rent going to change your attitude? Or will she just be paying more to still have no say in the house?
    via 4AVcnE

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