‘She and I were on the same wavelength - I understood her and she understood me’: The emotional saga of a grieving feline pawrent overwhelmed by guilt and anxiety over adopting a new fur baby who helps her get over her soul cat

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Laurent Shinar • Writer and Editor
Sep 28, 2025 3:00 PM EDT

Mourning a soul cat is a complex and time-consuming process. You have been together for a decade or even more, living entwined lives that have become so close that you pretty much slept, ate and went to the bathroom together. You were there for each other through the low points, and you celebrated together during the high points. And when it came time to say goodbye, you thought your heart would never mend.

Now, the healthy thing to do is to take your time and grieve fully. Much like a relationship the right thing to do it not to rush back into another one. Which is what this story's protagonist found out the hard way when she went ahead and adopted a kitten merely a month after her soul cat's passing. And look, we get it, the loneliness is savage, and it can feel as though things will never get back to the way that they were. But in time they will. Trust the process.

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  • 01
    My soulcat died on 11/11 after 14 years together and it's a loss I don't think I'll ever fully recover from. She and I were on the same wavelength - I understood her and she understood me.
    via ActuaryPersonal2378
  • 02
    She seemed so empathic and in some ways was dog- like. I adopted my new cat and brought her home on 12/30. Already there's been health issues which is okay, I have pet insurance and stuff.
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  • 03
    But I'm having such a hard time understanding her and her wants, needs, etc and I feel like no matter what I try, we're just not really connecting.
    via ActuaryPersonal2378

  • Jheez, it is tough enough getting yourself to sync up with a new cat child, learning all the ins and outs of their subtle behaviors. But to do so after parting ways with your soul cat who has been with you for more than a decade has truly got to be one of the toughest things that you can do. It will take a lot of time and patience to get there. 

  • 04
    I want to note that these are just my feelings and I understand that what I might be interpreting about my cat is not actually reality and I'm just projecting my grief/anxiety onto her behavior. So I'm
    via ActuaryPersonal2378
  • 05
    coming from an emotional/feelings perspective. We have good moments - she now sleeps on my bed occasionally and has comfy places in the apartment that she likes, and we play
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  • 06
    every day, but I feel like she doesn't like me. And I understand that even if that is reality and she doesn't like me, I understand that she
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  • 07
    doesn't have to like me for me to provide a good home and care for her, it's just kind of overwhelming to go from having a kitty who was so bonded with me to having one who seems so indifferent.
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  • 08
    But I also understand how overwhelming it would be to be a cat who went from being surrendered by her owner to living in a foster, to now living with me. I
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    Cheezburger Image 10558541056
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    definitely get it and understand the logic of it and I'm committed to caring for her, but I didn't expect it to make me want my soulcat even more.
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    I hope I don't sound cold or like an irresponsible adopter. My new girl is so beautiful and is a unique, special being who deserves care, safety, and love, and I'm
    via ActuaryPersonal2378

  • No, it doesn’t. As many of us feline pawrents can attest to, it is incredibly difficult parting ways with a cat who you held so dearly in your soul. And with every thing that happens with your new cat child, you will obviously wish that it was your previous cat child who you are doing it with. Not that it makes any of it any easier.

  • 12
    committed to giving that to her - I'm just kind of sad that she isn't as human- focused as I anticipated her to be, and I'm kind of grieving the loss of that. And I'm
    via ActuaryPersonal2378
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    worried that she isn't thriving here, or if it's just her personality
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  • 14
    Ches... Please give yourself time. A month and a half is hardly any time at all to mourn the loss of a soulmate. Not
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    only are you mourning the loss of the connection you shared with her, but you are also grieving the reality of a future without her. Soulmates
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    are not replaceable, and emotions do not work predictably or at all sometimes when you lose someone you loved so much.
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    A heart can go from full to empty, just like that, when a loved one passes. It's okay to mourn the present reality where you feel
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  • 18
    like your cat doesn't get you like you might wish her to. She might never be as attuned or concerned for you as your previous cat.
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    Objectively, that's okay. It doesn't mean she deserves any less love or care. But I hope that internally you can give yourself a huge amount of space to feel,
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    and accept, that disappointment . Every being thrives on empathy and devotion. Just be gentle and compassionate with yourself in the present. I know you'll do
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    your best for her. Please give your new cat time, too. It is likely that she can sense that you're grieving.
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  • 22
    It's only been two weeks since adoption, and she has been ill and had to deal with a big change in her life. It is easy to lose touch of oneself in a new
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  • 23
    environment with energy that she can't understand. Even if she were the compassionate type, she might not know what to do with the current energy yet.
    via ActuaryPersonal2378

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adopt cat guilt soul emotional reddit story mourning cat story fur baby feline pawrents grief understand same anxiety
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