'You're holding a grudge': 23-year-old college graduate refuses to attend father's wedding to second wife, after father missed his graduation ceremony for fiancé's last-minute "family emergency", sparking family drama

Author image for Emma Saven
Emma Saven
Oct 3, 2025 1:00 PM EDT

This son is feeling zero sympathy for his father after his actions during graduation. As the first person in the family to graduate from college, he thought his parents would do anything to be there to watch him receive his diploma and throw his well-earned cap into the sky. But unfortunately, his father had other plans. According to him, his soon-to-be wife had a so-called 'family emergency' the day before the ceremony and couldn't attend, which meant he wouldn't be able to attend either. A day his son had worked toward for four years suddenly felt half as satisfying.

So when the son receives an invitation to his dad's wedding, he turns it down. Why should he show up for his father's special day when his father couldn't be there for his? A grudge, some might call it. A fair play? That's up for debate. But one thing's clear: this son isn't budging. Even as family members urge him to let it go and call him petty and selfish, he refuses to sway from his decision.

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  • His father preaches heartbreak, the son preaches disappointment. But the question stands…Does one outweigh the other? Maybe this son could try to communicate with his father to discover just what the family emergency was. If it were valid, perhaps he could reconsider the invitation. Milestones are important, and just as much as a child wants to see their parents' smiling faces in the audience at graduation, equally does a father want to look back at his son standing behind him at the altar. 

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    Man graduating college
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  • 02

    AITA for not going to my dad's wedding after he didn't come to my college graduation?

    1 (23M) graduated college last May and it was a huge deal for me because I'm the first person in my family to get a degree.
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  • 03
    My dad said he'd be there but the day before he texted saying he couldn't make it because his girlfriend had some family emergency.
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  • 04
    I was really hurt but I didn't make a big deal out of it at the time.
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  • 05
    Well now my dad is getting married to that same girlfriend in like a month and he's expecting me to be there.
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  • 06
    He even asked me to be a groomsman. I told him I'm not going and he completely lost it on me saying I'm being petty and holding a grudge.
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  • 07
    I tried explaining that it hurt when he missed my graduation but he just brushed it off and said I need to get over it because this is important.
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  • 08
    My mom thinks I should go to keep the peace but honestly I don't even want to.
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  • 09
    My sister says I'm being unfair because "weddings are different than graduations" but to me my graduation was just as important as his wedding.
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  • 10
    He keeps texting me saying I'm ruining his big day and that I'm being selfish. Some of his family have been messaging me too calling me immature.
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    But I just feel like if he couldn't show up for something that mattered to me why should I show up for him?
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    A wedding invitation
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 13
    Plus I have some money aside for a trip I've been planning and honestly I'd rather just do that than go to his wedding.
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  • 14
    joe-lefty500 His gf's family emergency was nicely timed to prevent dad from going to your graduation. So you owe his future wife zero. Ad for your dad, he's embarrassed because people will naturally ask where you are at the wedding. So it isn't even about you being there to share his joy. Based on that, don't feel bad if you decide not to go. NTA
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  • 15
    SEA12342 NTA at all. Weddings isn't more important than graduation. This is your college graduation- you don't get second ones unless you do other degrees. But your dad - second wedding so if you look at that then not that important to him. Beside if he wants OOP to care about his wedding he should have cared about his own sons graduation
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  • 16
    VegetableBusiness897 First college graduation is less important than his second marriage? Tell him you'll be at his third
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  • 17
    New-Comment2668 NTA. Did your dad in any way attempt to make up for missing your graduation? Did he put any effort into a celebration for you, give you a fabulous gift, anything other than the "sorry can't make it text"?
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    Odd_Tea4945 I am with you on this one. Your graduation is just as important as his wedding and you have every single right to hold a grudge
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  • 19
    No, you're not "ruining his big day", as much he didn't ruin yours. He has different priorities and he just can't expect you to follow his. I've never understood why to "keep the peace", he can treat you as not important, but you have to cheer him up because he's getting married
    via Positive-Pen6491
  • 20
    z-eldapin Tell him he chose his girlfriend over you, so you are choosing yourself over him. Who cares of you're holding a grudge? You're allowed.
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  • 21
    Ok_Childhood_9774 NTAH. If you dont want to go, don't. Tell him your partner is planning to have a family emergency that day.
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  • 22
    JupiterJayJones NTA. Actions, or lack thereof, have consequences. Congratulations on your degree!! Celebrate by going on that trip! F keeping the peace.
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  • 23
    Adventurous-Term 5062 NTA. Ask yourself two questions. In 10 years, do you think you will regret this? How long will this last? I would like to know what her "emergency" was. I am betting it was lame. I would feel comfortable not going.
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Tags

invitation family drama graduation keep-the-peace Wedding Invitation graduate decline grudge parenting wedding first time second-wife family showing-up Parenting Fail Father
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