‘I'm desperately trying to love myself without constantly hearing her voice in my head’: Entitled mother spends 10+ years criticizing her now 22-year-old daughter's weight, then stands firm in her critical behavior when her daughter calls her out

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Oct 5, 2025 4:00 PM EDT

Body weight and eating habits are uncomfortable and sensitive topics for many. Unrealistic beauty standards are the catalyst for many different mental health disorders, and are often perpetuated by those around us, consciously and unconsciously. For whatever reason, our tiny human minds believe a number on the scale determines our worth in the world, and this toxic thought process often infests the minds of those who are supposed to love and uplift us the most…

If you have an "almond mom" or health-conscious dad, you'll get what I mean when I say that you hear their voice in everything you do. "It's not about moderation, it's about self-discipline." These half-empty mantras are the reason so many children undereat and overeat. The 22-year-old woman in this next story is trying to lead a healthier life, but all her mother can do is reiterate the same unhelpful phrases she spat at her since she was a young child.

Our health should be taken very seriously by us and those around us, but it gets to a point where "tough love" turns into ridicule and toxic critique. When you bring a child into the world, the last thing you should do is spit harmful phrases at them in hopes one will stick. Scroll to read the full story below.

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  • cropped photo of a woman stepping on a body weight scale
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  • "AITA for embarrassing my mom at family dinner?"

    I (22F) have been overweight my whole life. It's been something I struggle with a lot because I have ADHD and would use food to balance my feelings a lot.
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  • At the same time I've always struggled with "food noise" where my mind is constantly thinking about my next meal or snacks. Not to try and excuse my weight, but it explains why I so easily got to where I am.
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  • I'm now working to lose weight with a dietitian and my bf supporting me the whole way. As of today I've lost 5lbs.
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  • Yesterday, my parents drove across the country to visit everyone as most of my siblings attend the same college as me, and most the extended family lives here as well.
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  • Basically, I don't see my parents often because they live so far away.
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  • During dinner we were catching up. I talked about the projects I've done for school and how I joined my city's women's hockey team. I always wanted to do hockey and got the chance to so I was really excited. That's
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  • when the comments from my mom started. She said that it was good I was doing a sport to "take off that college weight." My mom has made comments my whole life,
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  • as a result I often hear her voice in my head talking about my weight whenever I workout or hit the ice. It's gotten worse now that I'm putting more effort into my health.
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  • cropped view of two hockey players waiting to hit a hockey puck that a referee is holding on the ice
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I asked her to not mention my weight because it was not important. The night went on, my siblings and I joked about having to walk up the steep hill just to get to class. Then my
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  • mom said it would be easier to walk if I lost weight. My mom and I started arguing with me telling. her to stop talking about my weight and her defense was that she was worried about my health.
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  • Here's where I may be TA. I said "why should I buy you anything if you're just going to de anyways?"
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  • The context for that question comes from when I was 16. I needed new jeans due to regular wear and tear, on the drive to the store my mom kept going on and on about my weight. She
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  • asked if I cared about living or dong, then asked that question. I remember that drive vividly even 6 years later.
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  • She looked confused so I repeated myself and the context for it. She got upset and my grandparents looked shocked. Even my dad. I
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  • continued, stating that I've always hated myself and my weight and I'm desperately trying to love myself without constantly hearing her voice in my head. That I don't talk to
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  • her because I know she's always going to find a way to make the conversation about my weight.
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  • I got up and left, crying. the whole way home. Instead of digging into some ice cream my bf took me for a walk around a nearby park and held me while I cried. I finally
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  • explained the whole context to him and he was angry because I've never fully explained my weight issues from my past. It was really reassuring because my mom would often say I'd never find love with my weight.
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  • Ever since then my phone has been blowing up with texts from family. AITA?
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  • Edit: Thank you for all the support. It's easy for me to forget that I'm worthy after so many years of being told I'm not. I finally called my mom while my bf held my hand. The
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  • conversation started off rocky, but gradually got a little better. I told her the whole story of how I've felt through all these years. From the boiled
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  • egg and salad diet she forced me on at 11, to the constantly trying weird Pinterest miracle weight loss hacks that came up after that. I told her how I didn't even understand
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  • what a calorie was or why she was upset at the number on the scale. I told her how I spent all of 10th grade starving myself and then gaining it all back because the only
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  • thing that kept me going was her hateful voice despite constantly falling asleep in school. I told her how I've been in and out of therapy just making sure I healed enough to not want to st ve myself when I did try to lose weight again.
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  • She apologized with one of her fake a "I'm sorry you feel that way," apologizes. I told her I'm not going to talk to her until she can get help for her own issues because I
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  • know she's often projecting her own health issues. My mom was overweight when I was younger, but I know she's still spending a lot of money to drink those meal replacement drinks.
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  • Thank you all again for the support. I'm gonna keep fighting to get my health in order. I honestly expected a lot more hate, but thankfully, it was just one guy who really
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  • thought I was responsible for my weight at 8 years old. Bro really saw a story about a fat person and said I'm TA simply because I'm fat and because I'm fat, that's
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  • why the argument existed in the first place. Forgot how much visceral hatred some people have for fat people. It's really sad.
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  • MartyrOlympics NTA. And you know what? You have two wins to take away from this horrible incident. One, you didn't use food to comfort yourself. Two, you opened up to your boyfriend and got support from him, disproving your mother's assertion that you are not lovable. Ignore your family, no need to read those texts now or ever. Protect your mental health. as much as your physical health.
    via MartyrOlympics

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