26-year-old spends time with 7-year-old foster sister when she's sick on vacation, incurs wrath of jealous sister-in-law: 'Stacey started complaining that I was hogging the baby'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Oct 20, 2025 11:00 AM EDT

As an adult, you can't force a child to connect with you. There are definitely things that will make a child more receptive to a non-parental adult in their life. They will probably feel more emotionally close with the grandparents they spend a lot of time with, versus the grandparents they maybe see once a year. At the end of the day, you really can't force a relationship with anyone, whether they're an adult or a child. The difference is that adults often don't see children as full people who have autonomy in how they spend their time. Entitled adults believe that they should be able to hang out with a kid, doing whatever they want to do, and the kid should be happy about it. It doesn't matter if you're their aunt or their grandmother: a kid has a right to prefer to spend time with their favorite adults. 

This is especially relevant when talking about kids who have grown up with a difficult home life. If they haven't been able to trust the adults who are supposed to take care of them, they might be wary of strangers, and there's nothing wrong with that. 

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  • A woman and a little girl sitting on a wooden bench
    via Brooke Cagle (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • The young woman in this story is doing a great job being a safe adult to her 7-year-old foster sister, but not everyone in the family can accept that. Her brother's girlfriend wants to spend time with the little girl, but doesn't get that she doesn't trust her yet and only wants to be close to her foster mom and foster sister.

  • Am I wrong for for “hogging” my foster sister?

    6 months ago, my parents started fostering a little girl, Ellie (7) with some health issues. She's tiny (maybe 3.5 feet and 40 pounds) and new people freak her out. She's still adjusting to being part of a big family. I (26f) have 2 sisters and 2 brothers, one of my sisters is married, and both of my brothers have their gfs around.
    via u/Dense_Raccoon_928
  • My mom was a nurse at the hospital that Ellie was taken to. Once we took her home, my mom went down to part time and I shifted my schedule to be home with her when my mom's at work. When she's not feeling good she gets clingy with me.
    via u/Dense_Raccoon_928
  • A woman hugging a little girl on the back of a bench
    via Brooke Cagle (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • We went on vacation last week and I don't know why but her tummy was hurting her the entire time we were there so we spent most of the trip curled up on the couch with a bunch of blankets and stuffies, watching Kpop demon hunters over and over.
    via u/Dense_Raccoon_928
  • My brothers girlfriend, Stacey, is obsessed with kids and babies and keeps trying to insert herself with Ellie. She asked Ellie if she wants to go to the pool, the park, the lake, if she wants her to do her hair, if she can watch kpop demon hunters with us, etc. all week. Ellie only wants me and my mom to go anywhere near her when she's not feeling good and I told Stacey this all week.
    via u/Dense_Raccoon_928
  • When we went home, I noticed Stacey was pretty upset. I asked what's wrong and she told me it's ridiculous that I was "hogging Ellie" all week and that I'm not the only person in her family.
    via u/Dense_Raccoon_928
  • My mom got involved and told Stacey that she could either stop whining or she could find another way home. She was quiet for the rest of the way back, then we got home and Stacey started complaining again that I was "hogging the baby".
    via u/Dense_Raccoon_928
  • A woman sitting on a couch with her arms crossed
    via Pablo Merchán Montes (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • My mom and I agreed that Stacey will no longer be allowed anywhere near Ellie. Now my brother's saying I should've just let her hang out with us and that she just wants to have a little sister.
    via u/Dense_Raccoon_928
  • Now I'm wondering if I'm wrong for "hogging her" all week and not letting Stacey hang out with us.
    via u/Dense_Raccoon_928
  • Ace_boy08 NTA, Ellie is not a toy to be passed around to play with. She is a human with feelings, wants, and needs. Ellie only wanted you and your mother. Her wants and needs matter. You brothers GF does not see Ellie as human, as she doesn't care what Ellie wanted or needed. She just wanted to play with Ellie for her own selfish needs. You and your mother did the right thing.
    via u/Ace_boy08
  • Ennardinthevents Especially since we have no idea what Ellie went through before she was fostered. Her having trust issues likely stems from abuse or neglect. And she is seven and wasn't feeling well. I don't get why Stacy wanted to take a sick child to the pool.
    via u/Ennardinthevents
  • No-Assignment5538 Almost certainly because Stacy literally doesn't / didn't see Ellie as an actual person, she sees her as a living toy or a prop that she has some innate 'right' to - as if the child were an object. Ellie's needs and wants and feelings and sickness don't matter if you are the kind of person who doesn't see her as being capable of having these things.
    via u/No-Assignment5538
  • metsfn82 I find that most people who are "obsessed with x" (babies/kids, dogs, etc) don't actually have any practical experience dealing with them, and it's more about loving the idea or just doing it for the 'gram. As soon as they don't behave the way that person thinks is "acceptable" they turn on them
    via u/metsfn82
  • TapOk3502 Stacey needs to realize that "the baby" is a living person with feelings and preferences. And by being pushy, Stacey is goi g to ensure Ellie wants nothing to do with her. NTA
    via u/TapOk3502
  • flowerybutterfly96 The baby is also 7 yo. I am sure she doesn't want to be infantalized.
    via u/flowerybutterfly96
  • Objective-Guess-7372 As a former foster kid, you're NTA. She feels safe with you and your mom and that's huge for the kid. Stacey needs to get her ego in check.
    via u/Objective-Guess-7372
  • PPtoucher-1 As a foster kid, I'm so thrilled Ellie has OP, I had an impossible time bonding with the bio kids in most of my families.
    via u/PPtoucher-1
  • Pristine_Main_1224 NTA. My guess is that Ellie's "tummy ache" was actually a stress & anxiety reaction to being out of her routine in a new place. My youngest stepson gets a lot of those tummy aches himself. You were doing your best to provide a safe space for Ellie. Good job, big sis.
    via u/Pristine_Main_1224
  • Dense_Raccoon_928 OP It might've been but she has stomach issues so we just need to be extra careful when her tummy hurts.
    via u/Dense_Raccoon_928

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family drama foster care brother sisters siblings foster girlfriend sister in law in laws family sibling sister mom family vacation fostering vacation
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