Son skips mother's 70th birthday party, after his family told him their annual Halloween event was cancelled, later discovering on social media that they went without him, causing a major family feud: 'No accountability at all'

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  • "The event posted a picture from the event, and my family was very clearly in the background"
  • AITAH for skipping my moms 70th Birthday Party

    So every year, my family goes to this local Halloween event with my parents, my sisters, their kids, my wife, and our two boys (ages 3 and almost 2). It's kind of a tradition.
  • This year, I texted my mom asking if we were going, and she said "No, they changed the format and we're not going." Something about that felt off, so I asked again and she doubled down and said they weren't going.
  • I called my older sister and she said their family didn't go because her father in law was in the hospital and it's been a really hard week for their family.
  • Two weeks later the event posted a picture from the event and my family was very clearly in the background. So they were there.
  • I confronted my mom calmly. I said, "I'm confused, you said it wasn't happening, but I saw pictures from it. I'm not upset about not being invited, I'm hurt that I was lied to." She sent a
  • voice message basically saying, "We didn't think you liked that event, so we didn't invite you. We didn't mean to hurt your feelings." No actual apology.
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  • Then I called and had both my parents on speaker. My dad said, "She said sorry and we're done here." When I said she never actually said sorry, he
  • accused me of "setting them up" because I "knew" they went. (I didn't.) Then he said, "As far as we're concerned, this is over." No accountability at all.
  • Now my dad's throwing my mom a 70th birthday party in a few weeks, and I honestly don't see how I can go. They declared it "done," but it's only done. because they decided to bury it instead of owning it. I'm tired of pretending everything's fine just to keep the peace.
  • AITAH for skipping my mom's party? Update: Asked a lot about the why. Via my mom she said she felt I don't like the atmosphere of the club as it has a conservative vibe.
  • Would have loved the conversation weeks ago or if I did something offensive to them to know and have the dialogue so we could work through it rather then the lies.
  • Juls1016 But why didn't they want your there? What happened last year? You're lacking information. NTA
  • ThrowRADepende OP The club has a conservative atmosphere and they didn't think I wanted to go. I do not like the atmosphere there and it's true. But we would have gone because my kids like the event and playing with their cousins. I would have preferred the conversation with them rather than being lied to for weeks.
  • Independent-Cake-956 Why did you not go anyway? You didn't need permission from the rest of the family. Do you really want to miss your mums birthday, you're NTA but remember this is a family occasion and your kids are part of that family. I'm not taking their side, my extended family is a s t show but sometimes it's better to be the bigger person.
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  • ThrowRADepende OP I didn't know the event was taking place. It was at a club we are not members of.
  • Sassy-Peanut I'm genuinely upset on your behalf, OP. That's so hurtful and the offhand dismissal you got after the fact makes it worse. Your mother especially showed her true colours and enviegled the whole family into gaslighting you. Veto the birthday party and say you have plans and treat your wife and children to a day out instead.
  • TopAd7154 NTA. Dont go. Give no reason except you cant make it. Then when you get the guilt trips, say "I said I couldn't go. This is over." Works both ways.
  • fartonmyballz Send her a framed picture of them at the party you weren't invite to as her Birthday gift.
  • CakePhool NTA. I wouldnt go and when people ask why you didnt go. I just thought I wasnt part of the family after you gaslit me at Halloween.
  • Melodic-Inflation407 What's with the "This is over, and we're done talking! "From your dad, it almost sounds threatening. Why won't they talk with you about it? I'm very big on, if you don't tell me what I've done wrong, how can I try to repair it, so that
  • would drive me crazy, but I'm also big on the keeping my dignity and self respect so I wouldn't go either. I'm sorry kiddo. This socks that they're treating you and your family this way.
  • TerriDiA I would not go. Seems they've made it clear you and your family are not wanted at family events. I would suggest starting your own family traditions for holidays and family focused events. Invite the people you want to share those times with.
  • sog96 Well, since your father said it was "over" as they were concerned, let them know that apparently they don't want to include your family in events, so you will not be attending anything they host ever again.
  • Traditional_Film_636 NTA. Don't go. I feel this is only part of the problems you have with your family unfortunately.

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