Entitled single mom demands coworker donate money for her kids' school activities, refuses to stop when coworker claims she's asking too much: 'She has a history of unhealthy boundaries'

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    Cheezburger Image 10573742848
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    My money is her money??

    A friend/coworker who I talk to often but never hang out with in person spends her money frivolously
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    She makes $24k per year more than me and gets bonuses and more paid time off.
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    But she has made some poor relationship decisions (had a baby with a convicted felon who has other children) and her other child's father doesn't contribute so she's a single mother.
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    I work for a government agency where lot of unstable people become upper management. Anyway, the list goes on: pays for a $20/month gym membership that she hasn't used in nearly 10 years (she's overweight and lives a sedentary lifestyle); gets bi-monthly mani and pedi and allows her 15 yr old daughter to get them consistently as well (nails are never not done); refuses to cut cable TV so her internet/cable bill is $300+ per month.
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    Meanwhile I cut cable years ago and am mindful of which streaming services I pay for.
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    She continuously asks for me to donate to the kids school activities. (walk-a-thon, etc) and at first I was happy but it became multiple times per year and the kids didn't stay with the sports/activities.
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    So I scaled back and stated I really could not as I was renovating parts of my home.
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    One time said I could donate $10, which I did and then she made a comment about how that was so low.
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    The teenager who attends a private school that she can barely afford, wanted to go on an international trip with her school.
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    It cost several thousand dollars, that my coworker/friend didn't have. When I was a kid and my parents didn't feel they could afford something, I just didn't get it.
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    They didn't ask people for money. She has a history of unhealthy boundaries and enabling. In a conversation I mentioned that the contractor wanted to charge me $4300 for a fence which was too expensive, and the very next day, it became apparent that she had taken note of what I could potentially afford for home renovations and jokingly said she knew I had funds allocated to my renovation but that she needed "a loan." I was put off even more and feel if I ever were to lend money it would be enabl
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    I ended up saying I was not in a position to give loans.
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    MrJackdaw Not your circus, not your monkeys. And do NOT lend her money! Give sparingly. You might want to, as an experiment, as HER for a loan and see what she says.
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    OP summerof96again Well she really does live paycheck to paycheck. I'm just going to keep it simple. Won't give or lend.
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    Clam Daddy99 That's actually a smart way to see where you stand. If she can never help you back, it shows the relationship is one-sided, and you don't owe her endless support.
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    OP summerof96again I've thought about that. She can also never provide rides to and from the airport when I travel, for example, because she's bogged down with the kids, tired from being a single mother, or I'd feel bad that I'm using up her gas and then feel obligated to pay her gas money, which then may lead to her asking for more.
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    CheekyKraken90 Testing the dynamic might really open your eyes. If she refuses to help you even once, then you know she only comes around when she needs something.
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    woman counting bills
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    OP summerof96again She is helpful with things that are not money related.
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    AncientButterfly9202 "Paycheck to paycheck" is vastly different from choosing to live above their means.
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    OP summerof96again Right. Oh and she lives in rental (townhome) and hires a house cleaner. I clean my own home but I also don't have young kids who don't clean up after themselves and multiple pets.
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    Tomj_Oad Why are you friends with this woman? I didn't hear one redeeming quality or thing she does for you.
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    OP summerof96again Well she does have good qualities but I'm starting to feel we don't have much in common.
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    Piccololmpossible946 Don't give her a dime! And private school isn't a necessity nor all this other crp! I'm single no kids and I don't even get my nails done only a pedicure a cpl times a year. I also get $20 hair cuts at the beauty school. My condo is almost paid for and I have around $700k in investments. I can't believe the way some pple spend money. And she has no business commenting on your money.
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    OP summerof96again Yes!! And I'm starting to see she has an unhealthy case of FOMO and when it comes to her kids (not so much herself). She tries to keep up with what other 2 parent households can apparently afford (club soccer, international trips).
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    tronquinhos Ask her a small (2k) loan to help you on the renovation and see how it goes.
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    TwixTwerk the moment you realize someone keeps score only when it benefits them, it's game over. no point wasting energy.
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    Miserys_Finest Simply put, why bother helping in the first place? Those kids ain't your priority. If she wanted them to have a better opportunity then she should pay for it.

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