16-year-old avoids home because she shares a room with her 14-year-old sister, who constantly steals from her and fights her: 'I got double grounded then for saying I can't stand her.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Nov 11, 2025 8:00 PM EST

She deserves to feel safe in her own home.

Not everybody is a homebody by nature. Many people prefer to be in and out of the house as quickly as possible, only going home to sleep and perhaps eat breakfast. I've been like that for most of my adult life, and it's not because I don't like my living situation. Being out in public makes me so much happier than staying in all day, and it helps facilitate social interactions beyond my household.

A lot of people stay out of the house to avoid problems at home. A distant dad might leave for work early and come home late to avoid spending time with his family. A territorial older sister might leave for school early and stay at the library until it closes so her younger sister won't have access to her car. A young boy might go over to a different friend's house every night to do homework so he can avoid his parents' bickering. Avoiding your home is never a permanent solution to your problems, but it can certainly help, depending on the issue and the solution.

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  • Woman in white long sleeve sweatshirt riding bicycle on road during daytime
    via 🇸🇮 Janko Ferlič

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • The young woman in this story has been faced with a seemingly insurmountable problem. Her younger sister will not stop harassing her, and it's making it hard to be at home because they have to share a bedroom. Their parents dislike that she's never home, but they have yet to come up with a more long-term solution to this sibling squabbling. 

  • Am I the bad guy for avoiding being at home every day because I want to see my sister as little as possible since we share a room?

    My parents have five kids. Me (16f), Ellie (14f), Milo (11m), Jamie (9m) and Toby (6m).
    via u/Mislzyeh
  • Toby has special needs so our parents converted the guest bedroom into a bedroom just for him since he'd keep the boys awake at night.
    via u/Mislzyeh
  • A child's bedroom with a toy car on the floor
    via Lisa Anna

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Me and Ellie have pretty much always shared and we never got along that great so it was tough.
    via u/Mislzyeh
  • But the older we get the more I can't stand her. Ellie talks over people a lot, she has no respect for other people's things and she gets mad when you don't let her "borrow" something and she'll retaliate by breaking it or stealing it.
    via u/Mislzyeh
  • It's always "borrow" too because she misplaces stuff all the time or she's so reckless it gets broken and then you don't get it back.
    via u/Mislzyeh
  • We have physically fought each other over stuff she wanted that was mine that I refused to let her use.
    via u/Mislzyeh
  • She even spat in my face once because I wouldn't let her wear one of my dresses that was a special present from grandma.
    via u/Mislzyeh
  • A white dress hanging on a wooden hanger
    via Junior REIS

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • We also fight because she doesn't like my taste in music and she complains that I taint our room with it when she's not there.
    via u/Mislzyeh
  • I always tell her it's my room too but she doesn't care. Things get physical enough between us that we've both been grounded over it.
    via u/Mislzyeh
  • I got double grounded then for saying I didn't want to share a room with her anymore because I can't stand her.
    via u/Mislzyeh
  • My parents told me that's not how mature people act and I don't get to make demands when I don't pay their bills.
    via u/Mislzyeh
  • After my parents came down hard on me for complaining about it I decided to just stay away from home as much as I can.
    via u/Mislzyeh
  • I got a part time job, I started studying and doing homework at my friend's house, I decided to do school projects outside of school with friends.
    via u/Mislzyeh
  • I basically get home as late as curfew allows and I don't step foot inside the door after school until then.
    via u/Mislzyeh
  • I leave before everyone else for school too and I study and wait for other people to show up.
    via u/Mislzyeh
  • My parents hate it. They're trying to find ways to keep me home but I always use school as an excuse and homework and work.
    via u/Mislzyeh
  • They told me I can do homework at home like I always did and that I should be with my family.
    via u/Mislzyeh
  • Weekends are when they have the biggest issue with me not being at home but I remind them of the fighting between me and Ellie and they back off a little and then they tell me I shouldn't fight with my sister.
    via u/Mislzyeh
  • But if I'm home we will fight and I know eventually we'll get so bad someone gets hurt.
    via u/Mislzyeh
  • I know she's ruined some of my stuff since I started doing this but I had to detach and care less.
    via u/Mislzyeh
  • I'm not there to see it and that makes it easier. My parents are not letting this go and they told me I can't ruin my relationship with the whole family over petty sibling squabbling and they said that's all this is.
    via u/Mislzyeh
  • АІТАН?
    via u/Mislzyeh
  • NTA. Jen0507 And if i may be blunt, of course they're trying to put it back on you when really they should be parenting your sister. Its ridiculous they're pressuring you to spend time with someone who breaks your stuff out of spite, instead of you know dealing with their destructive kid.
    via u/Jen0507
  • OP Mislzyeh She's spiteful too but they don't care since she usually saves it for when they're not around. But parents of her former friends complained to our parents about that spitefulness before and they didn't care. They care more when we fight instead of working on why we fight.
    via u/Mislzyeh
  • Music_withRocks_In I want to say you should tell them "YOU are ruining my relationship with my family because you won't hold her accountable for taking and ruining my stuff. Forcing me to be home is just making me hate it here more." But it probably won't work. Would they get you a locking trunk so you could put some of your things where your sister can't get them?
    via u/Music_withRocks_In
  • OP Mislzyeh They won't get me anything to keep my stuff safe. They'd tell me I don't have anything that needs to be locked up so tight. Or they might say to leave stuff in their room but their room isn't safe either.
    via u/Mislzyeh
  • grumpy__g How do your parents react when she does this? Especially since she is doing it with other people stuff too? Are there any consequences?
    via u/grumpy__g
  • OP Mislzyeh They never gave her any consequences. Even when other parents confronted her they would act like they were being petty accusing my sister and when it was proven there was still nothing.
    via u/Mislzyeh
  • grumpy__g Start recording her behaviour.
    via u/grumpy__g
  • OP Mislzyeh It would put my phone at risk of being broken by her and they won't care anyway so I'm not sure I want to take the chance. I need my phone for work.
    via u/Mislzyeh
  • SewingIsMyHobby1978 Let me guess the house doesn't have a basement, right?? If you had a basement, why wouldn't they make your room down there?
    via u/SewingIsMyHobby1978
  • OP Mislzyeh We have a basement but it's not safe for living in. There's damp and stuff.
    via u/Mislzyeh
  • grumpy__g Uff. May I ask what stuff she has already broken? Does she only behave like that with you or with your other siblings too?
    via u/grumpy__g
  • OP Mislzyeh At home it's just me. She's like this with her friends too and they become her ex friends. The stuff she broke not mine: An ex-friend's plushy because my sister couldn't get one and she told her friends none of them would get them if they all couldn't. She stole it from the friends house and pieces were found at our house for weeks after. She was 7. Another ex-friend's phone because she was being spiteful about her friend hanging out with someone else. Stole the phone and lost it and
    via u/Mislzyeh
  • CocoaAlmonds Rock NTA. If they had dealt with the problem, you wouldn't have had to solve it. In two years, you can leave for good and cut off your sister completely. Ask friends/relatives if you can store some stuff at their place. That will get it away from your sister. You mentioned a part-time job. Is it enough to pay for the smallest unit at a storage facility? If so, you can store your stuff there. Do you have car? Are you planning your steps for when you turn 18?
    via u/CocoaAlmondsRock
  • OP Mislzyeh I don't have a car. But I am planning to get out ASAP.
    via u/Mislzyeh
  • NTA JennSmith19 It might be hard for your parents to understand, because they love you and want to have you around, but you clearly understand your limits and are trying to protect not only yourself, but honestly, your sister as well. I'm assuming, since it wasn't brought up, that there isn't an extra room for you to use or a basement to sleep in, so you have your own space. If you are home, does your sister seek you out to talk/fight with you on purpose? Do you have any space in your parents' h
    via u/JennSmith19
  • OP Mislzyeh We don't have any extra rooms or space. My youngest brother got the guest room which was the only spare room. Otherwise we don't have anywhere safe to sleep. My sister seeks me out too much. Whenever she wants something and wants to be seen asking she'll seek me out. Or if she's trying to get on my nerves about stuff I like. I don't have space at home that could be just mine. My parents would never help enforce it. They'd say we don't have a mansion so we need to respect that public
    via u/Mislzyeh

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home life parents of teens teens family drama brother sibling rivalry sisters teenagers siblings bad parenting bad parents raising teens family sister brothers
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