Man plays soccer with 9-year-old nephews multiple times a week, gets offended when wife suggests he's neglecting 6 and 8-year-old daughters

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Nov 12, 2025 9:00 AM EST

For most parents, family doesn't begin and end with their partner and kids.

While these are the people who should take priority for anybody who is undertaking the commitment of coparenting, it is not realistic to assume that every minute of focus is always going to be on them. There are also grandparents, siblings, nieces and nephews, and all other types of relatives who require a little attention, too. Finding the balance is important not just for general well-being, but also for modelling to kids a good relationship with extended family.

Still, when somebody has children, most would agree that they have to make them their number one priority. Although there can be circumstances that warrant focusing more on other relatives, being a parent has to come first—when kids are still kids, at least. It might seem like an obvious thing to state, but some do lose sight of that. A reality check can be in order.

 

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  • a closeup of two boys smiling with one putting his arm around the other's shoulder
    via Gábor Szűts

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • A wife and mom felt like she was forced to do this with her husband after the time he was spending with his two nephews seemed to cut into that which he spent with his daughters. His sister's husband was frequently away for work in the military, and he often took them to play soccer in the park to give his sister some time to herself.

    However, his children felt left out as they didn't appreciate the competitiveness when they went with their cousins to the park. This meant that they missed out on this quality time, and the mom felt the need to address this with her husband and ask that he spend a little less time with the boys. He accused her of being cruel to their nephews, and she wanted to know if he was right.

  • Am I wrong for asking my husband to limit his time with his nephews because our daughters are missing out?

    Hi, I had an issue yesterday with my husband which Im conflicted about, regarding whether I was in the wrong.
    via Reasonable_Vast2576
  • My husband and I have two daughters, 6 and 8. My SIL and her family live a couple of blocks away from us.
    via Reasonable_Vast2576
  • When they're not around, my husband takes our daughters to the park too, I often join them too, and they also look forward to it.
    via Reasonable_Vast2576
  • They have two boys, both 9 years old. Her husband is in the army so he is away from home a lot.
    via Reasonable_Vast2576
  • When he's away, the boys come to our house often. Theyre great boys, respectful and energetic.
    via Reasonable_Vast2576
  • When they're here my husband takes them to the park to play soccer. They always say they have a great time and my SIL also thanks us for it.
    via Reasonable_Vast2576
  • two young girls lie next to in each other in a bed, one with her hands above her head
    via Curated Lifestyle (Unsplash+)
  • When they're not around, my husband takes our daughters to the park too, I often join them too, and they also look forward to it.
    via Reasonable_Vast2576
  • However, when my husband takes the boys along, even though we encourage our girls to go along they told me they don't enjoy it, basically the boys get super competitive and it's not fun the way it is when its just them with my husband.
    via Reasonable_Vast2576
  • I take them along by myself but apparently its not as much fun hahaa. My husband can also only do some days of the week and when their father's away the boys come on those days.
    via Reasonable_Vast2576
  • Yesterday, I asked my husband to talk to his sister and set some kind of limit to those days because our daughters like going to the park with him for soccer and its not the same with me or when they go with him and the boys.
    via Reasonable_Vast2576
  • He looked taken aback and said that they're good kids, theirs dad's away for long stretches and they seem to have fun here.
    via Reasonable_Vast2576
  • I said I never said they werent good kids, just that our daughters felt like they were missing out.
    via Reasonable_Vast2576
  • He said he'll encourage them more to come with them and he'll make sure things dont get too competitive, I said we've gone through that before and its just not fun for them.
    via Reasonable_Vast2576
  • He said telling his nephews this would be cruel, and made it sound like I was an AH for suggesting it.
    via Reasonable_Vast2576
  • a man shows a woman something on a tablet while they stand in the kitchen and she holds a mug
    via Vitaly Gariev

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.


     

  • People assured her that her concerns were valid.

    vvbbo NTA BUT, I understand why your husband feels bad about telling his nephews he wont spend as much time with them. I am very close with mine and it would break my heart to disappoint them. I think the solution might be in finding another activity to do with all the kids. Let say the boy are there twice a week, maybe they go play soccer once and the other day they do an activity that the girls and boys enjoy. Or a day he goes with the boys and the next one you do something with the boys and h
    via vvbbo
  • OP Reasonable_Vast2576 Someone else suggested the same and I liked that approach. I (along with my SIL together maybe) could do these park sessions with the boys on days my husband is busy so that the girls get their 1-1 soccer time with their dad.
    via Reasonable_Vast2576
  • Due_Entertainment425 There has to be a happy medium to be found. Can you play with the boys at the park some days while your husband spends more time with the girls? Can your husband plan other activities that aren't soccer for everyone to do together? I agree he needs to prioritize the girls but don't think any group has to suffer to do so
    via Due_Entertainment425
  • OP Reasonable_Vast2576 I'll try suggesting this thank you. I've tried with the girls but they're not nearly as enthusiastic about it with me than with their dad, he makes it a lot more fun for them. The boys might be easier to keep happy lol
    via Reasonable_Vast2576
  • wesmorgan1 Your husband needs to understand that he can't be all things to all people - and that his kids need to come first. That doesn't mean that he can't spend time with his nephews; it just means that he has to learn to divide his time. NTA.
    via wesmorgan1
  • MiaouMiaou27 NTA. I wonder why your husband thinks his nephews' feelings are more important that his daughters' feelings.
    via MiaouMiaou27
  • Shdfx1 NTA. Look your husband dead in the eyes, and say his daughters want to be with their dad at the park without other kids. Does he have a problem spending quality time with just his daughters? Does he prefer the boys over his own daughters?
    via Shdfx1
  • LifeAsksAITA Nta. 9 yr old boys are bigger than a 6 yr old girl and they are also going to be more competitive. They aren't going to pull back their punches so to speak. Your husband needs to prioritize his kids also.
    via LifeAsksAITA
  • JellyfishSolid2216 NTA. Him doing nice things for his sister's kids shouldn't come at the expense of his own kids.
    via JellyfishSolid2216
  • Powered-by-Chai NTA, if it's so bad that even his daughters see it, then he is seriously neglecting his kids. He either needs to find something different that all the kids will enjoy together or discipline the boys for being too competitive and make sure his own children feel involved. I'm guessing there's an element of sexism in here too, in that he was probably hoping for a son to do all the sporty things with and ended up with two girls. Which is ridiculous because my daughter has way more in
    via Powered-by-Chai
  • bananaqueen26 NTA Why does their father not being around mean that your children don't get to have theirs either? He's being a great uncle but a crap dad. His own children need to come first.
    via bananaqueen26

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nephews family drama aita time daughters parenting sister in law dad soccer uncle family reddit thread Reddit mom
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