‘They offered to buy the turkey’: Man with 14 children tries to manipulate his ex-wife into hosting Christmas, but she refuses, hoping to spare her 9 and 11-year-old the heartache of meeting their father's love children

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Jesse Kessenheimer • Writer and Editor
Nov 17, 2025 6:00 PM EST

A man was feeling the tug of the family spirit this holiday season, and after years of infidelity and apparently no precautions, felt inspired to host a family Thanksgiving with everyone in his family tree... I mean, everyone. The problem is, he has 14 children with multiple women and had the gall to try and ask his ex-wife to host at her house, offering only to supply the guests and the turkey.

And I thought my Thanksgivings were dramatic.

Perhaps it was the winter chill in the air that made him light-headedly delusional, or the smell of family-made holiday pie that tugged at his heartstrings, but this man must have completely lost it. Even worse, he tried to coerce his parents into supporting his Frankenfamily Christmas idea, hoping that his kids' grandparents would hold sway over his ex-wife's decision. Ultimately, she did what she thought was best for her two kids, a 9 and 11-year-old, refusing to host in order to spare them the drama and the confusion. Just because you pretend to be a big happy family on a holiday doesn't mean you forge the bonds of a family for the rest of the year. That requires more work than a single family-reunion-style invitation and an imposition. 

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  • AITAH for refusing to have my ex-husband and his other children over to celebrate Christmas with me and our kids?
    via Caryzzys
  • My ex-husband and I have been divorced for just over 5 years now. Our divorce was extremely difficult for me and our kids (currently aged 11 and 9) because we did not part on good terms. At the time of me
    via Caryzzys
  • asking for a divorce I had just learned that he had been cheating on me for several years and was being DNA tested for 6 potential children he may have fathered during our marriage. My ex-husband
    via Caryzzys
  • ran through every excuse for what he did and attempted to convince me numerous times to stay but I wasn't having it and I called time on our marriage as soon as I knew what he was up to.
    via Caryzzys
  • 5 of the 6 potential kids turned out to be his and he attempted to involve me in discussions with their mothers. I told him none of that was anything to do with me. I have never talked to those women and I have never talked to those kids either.
    via Caryzzys
  • But that's not it for all his children. It turned out he already knew about two other kids being biologically who were born during our marriage. They ended up living with him a year after our divorce and their mother doesn't appear to be around.
    via Caryzzys
  • He's had 5 other children on top of that and two of them also live with him full time. The other kids I don't know if he sees them or not. I just know they exist.
    via Caryzzys
  • He sees our children one weekend a month and he's not very involved. The only thing he'll do is he'll call and try to make plans for us to spend time together as a family and I
    via Caryzzys
  • always shut him down and remind him we are no longer a family. He never wants to speak to or see just the kids though. He's always trying to involve me in that.
    via Caryzzys
  • Despite the bad blood between us I remained on reasonably good terms with his parents and they see the kids. My kids love their grandparents. But now we're
    via Caryzzys
  • having issues because they feel it would be better for the kids to have both sides come together for Christmas and for me to host my ex-husband and his children (whichever children he has on the day)
    via Caryzzys
  • and for us to function as a family who are there for each other. I told them that was not happening and I was not pretending him or those other kids of his are my family. They
    via Caryzzys
  • told me I shouldn't hold so much spite for him and the kids and that as a mother I should want my kids to know their siblings whether full or half. They offered to buy the
    via Caryzzys
  • turkey for us as a sign of helping to make it work. I still said no and they wanted more reasons and I told them I didn't have to give any reason and my answer was still the same.
    via Caryzzys
  • In truth this whole idea is awful in my opinion. I hate my ex and spending the entire day with him in front of our kids could unfairly burden them with my feelings. They don't need to
    via Caryzzys
  • see any of the issues between us. Having him and his kids over would also mean buying presents for his kids which is not something I want to start adding to my plate. I have nothing to do with those kids.
    via Caryzzys
  • Not to mention the ones he has all the time have no relationship with their mothers and any chance he could lie to them and say I'm going to be their new mom I want to
    via Caryzzys
  • prevent. He already tries to make us a family so that's a concern of mine. I could never be motherly or even have a familial relationship with his other children. That's never going to happen.
    via Caryzzys
  • Does my refusal to do this make me TAH? I'm asking because I know we always say put the kids first and I believe this is the way to do it so they don't see or hear any of the
    via Caryzzys
  • troubles between me and their dad. I believe this is the best way to not get their hopes up too (if they have any) for us to be a family again.
    via Caryzzys
  • history_buff_9971 · NTA Good grief, your former - in-laws appear delusional. They just want you to host Christmas and run after the kids.
    via history_buff_9971
  • If I'm counting right, he has what - 14 kids in total? I do hope their Christmas present to him this year is a vasectomy.
    via history_buff_9971
  • Caryzzys OP 14 that I know about. That's an important distinction because he could have others I don't yet know about or that he doesn't know about.
    via Caryzzys
  • bythebrook88 If the father or grandparents want to have the family of kids together at Christmas, it should be arranged and hosted by them. NOT one of the mothers.
    via bythebrook88
  • Previous-Complex9... Absolutely not. He is. You do whatever you need to protect you and your children. Sadly it may include distance from the grandparents too.
    via Previous-Complex9
  • Responsible_Judge... ΝΤΑ Your ex in laws are insane... if they want to play happy family then they should host their Son and all his childrens. That has nothing to do with you! Stay strong and if they don't stop, involve an lawyer to show your boundaries... they overstepped them!
    via Responsible_Judge

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