Burt-out employee trains her helpless coworker for 9 months, quits just to get away from her when she still won't stop asking questions, leaving her helpless: 'Everything I had taught her seemed to go in one ear and out the other'

A burnt-out employee trains her helpless coworker for months—only to realize too late that some people can't be saved from themselves.

When you've ingrained the desire to smooth over tension, rocking a boat that very desperately needs to be rocked becomes no small task. As you're a born people pleaser, it can be hard to set boundaries. Every time you find yourself in a situation where a boundary needs to be set, your brain is on overload, dealing with the possible negative outcomes of doing exactly that. Meanwhile, you're working to break a habit that's been reinforced since childhood, to shy away from anything that could lead to confrontation. And you might even find yourself getting visibly stressed and worked up to a point that is only making the situation worse.

This, of course, is even trickier when the people pleaser who refuses to set boundaries meets someone who desperately needs a boundary to be set. Those who will literally push until a boundary is set, almost as if from the exact opposite need of living a life where boundaries weren't set for them. 

It becomes one person constantly trying to find the edge of boundaries, and the other pulling up the fence posts of their boundaries and moving them back so that the other person isn't meeting them, and they aren't forced to have a confrontation.

It's like in Nolan's The Dark Knight. "An unstoppable force meets an immovable object." Except it's a force that's begging to be stopped, meeting a force that's doing everything in its power not to stop it.

However, setting boundaries doesn't need to be cruel, and I know that those of us who struggle with setting them need to hear that. But it does take practice, and you're definitely going to go too far while you're figuring it out, but it's important to keep practicing and keep trying.

The problem with setting boundaries where you haven't set them before is that a lot of people will wonder why you're suddenly being "negative." They're not used to you standing up for yourself and might, even subconsciously, be used to walking all over you like a doormat. 

Anyways, this is all getting a bit long-winded, but it's not a linear process. And it can be even more difficult to navigate setting boundaries in the workplace, where the very idea of "professionalism" leads us to believe that we should avoid conflict at all costs for fear of ending up on the wrong end of a meeting with HR or losing our job for no reason just because we stood our ground with the wrong person. 

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Author image for Brad Dickson Brad Dickson
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  • This all seems to be the situation in this workplace, where this employee spent months helping a coworker, “Lexi,” who proved incapable of doing her job despite being given step-by-step instructions and hands-on guidance.

    Keep in mind, through all of this, it was never really the employee's job to train Lexi. So she really should have gotten management or human resources involved sooner, or at least started by setting some boundaries of her own. If anything this whole situation feels like a failure of communication and wasted time and resources that has been continuing for months and months. But as time went on, she found it harder and harder to get away from the coworker's incessant questions, finding herself bogged down by being an emotional and professional crutch. Exhausted and burnt out, feeling like her time was undervalued by management, who refused to step in and save her from this coworker, the employee decided to leave for another role, meaning that Lexi was going to be left up a creek without a paddle.

  • 01
    Two female coworkers share conversation over a coffee
    via Brooke Cagle

    The image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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  • 02

    "my coworker is completely incapable of doing her job, and i’m leaving in 4 days. she’s so screwed."

    my coworker is the most helpless person i've ever met. even after months of me (and others) training her, she can't do her job on her own. i got a promotion and a new job, so i'm leaving in 4 days. she's screwed. i'll call this coworker lexi.
    via llekra
  • 03
    lexi started in my department 9 months ago. her job was the same title as mine, and another gal that also worked with us had the same title. it's technically not my job to train employees, and training ultimately falls on her supervisor, but of course,
    via llekra
  • 04
    her supervisor doesn't know how to do anyone else's job but her own. so, she left her training to me, which i was originally okay with. i knew how to do my job well. i knew all the in's and out's, and i had trained people at past jobs. i always had amazing luck with training people.
    via llekra
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  • 05
    for three weeks, lexi sat in my cubicle. i explained to her how to do our job responsibilities. i let her watch a couple times, then i let her do it herself while i watched her. she would ask questions, and i would answer. i would catch her mistakes and explain what she did wrong. i
    via llekra
  • 06
    provided her with written. instructions on how to perform her job duties that she could refer back to when she got stuck. i made cheat sheets for her. i provided her with multiple other resources she could use to assist her. the three weeks went well; she seemed to be a fast learner. i was very proud of
    via llekra
  • 07
    her ability to quickly learn anything i threw her way, or so i thought. she did have a tendency to interrupt me as i was answering her question. she would cut me off and ask two more questions, or talk about how she was struggling or how something didn't make sense. i
    via llekra
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  • 08
    gave her the benefit of the doubt. she seemed a little anxious, and it seemed like she just needed extra reassurance. that's okay, i'm kind of the same way. i chalked it up to everyone learns differently, and everyone learns at their own pace.
    via llekra
  • 09
    three weeks went by, and she moved to her own cubicle. everything i had taught her seemed to go in one ear and out the other. okay, she needs a refresher on a lot of things. that's okay. she'll get it eventually. i was constantly running back and forth
    via llekra
  • 10
    answering her bombardment of questions that i had already answered. i was internally frustrated at times, but she was new. i swallowed my annoyance, and i helped her when she needed it.
    via llekra
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  • 11
    a couple months went by, and her bombardment of questions still lingered. i started contemplating on the matter. maybe i didn't train her as well as i thought i did? but we had gone over each task and how to do each task so many times. i
    via llekra
  • 12
    was answering repetitive questions all day everyday. so i just buckled in. it was clear to me that she was the type of person that needed constant reassurance. it wasn't my job to provide that, but i did it anyway.
    via llekra
  • 13
    i shouldn't have. she got used to this constant pattern of asking even the simplest of questions. i'm talking, things you could google. things she should know.
    via llekra
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  • 14
    she would ask me simple questions about excel that a youtube video would be able to explain, or she would ask me how to save a file to her computer. she would ask me the dates certain projects were due,
    via llekra
  • 15
    even though multiple emails were sent with due dates. she couldn't figure out how to change her computer password, and she couldn't figure out how to connect to the work internet.
    via llekra
  • 16
    she also couldn't retain any of the information i gave her about how to perform her duties. these resources explained things STEP BY STEP. she could not refer to any of the resources i provided to her. she always had to come ask me.
    via llekra
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  • 17
    it got annoying very quickly, especially because this has continued all the way up to now, as i'm writing this. every question she had was an URGENT question that could not wait (it could). i constantly had to drop everything i was doing to help her. if i didn't respond to her message on our work chat,
    via llekra
  • 18
    she would tear the place apart to find me. she would come into my cubicle needing me ASAP, and passive aggressively say "i sent you a message but you didn't answer" yeah no shit? I CANT GET AWAY FROM YOU.
    via llekra
  • 19
    she would look everywhere for me. i would go to the bathroom to take a shit, and she would come in there with 20 questions as an 8 inch turd is dangling from my ass. she would call and text me with questions when i was on my lunch. also, this is typically how helping her goes:
    via llekra
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  • 20
    lexi: hey, can i steal you for a sec? me: sure what's up? (walks with her back to cubicle) lexi: i'm working on X, and it says something is incorrect. me: well what does it say?
    via llekra
  • 21
    lexi: it says to do Y. me: okay, so yes, you would do Y. lexi: i tried that and it didn't work. me: sits at lexi's desk and does Y (it works)
    via llekra
  • 22
    lexi: i swear i tried that and it didn't work me: yeah (she didn't) this process repeats about 5x a day. ANOTHER example: lexi: hey, i have a quick question me: what's up
    via llekra
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  • 23
    lexi: so i have this, and i'm not sure if i should do X or Y me: deep breath (because i've answered this question 10 times) so you would do- lexi: i just don't understand because she has this in box A but for box B it should say this (and blah blah blah)
    via llekra
  • 24
    me: right, so you would do X because- lexi: OH, okay so i would do X. me: yes. you would do X because in box A- lexi: well, that's kind of what i was wondering, because she has this in box A but for box B it should say this.
    via llekra
  • 25
    me: yes. you would do X because in box A, the employee put Y. and then in box B- lexi: i was just so confused. that's why i came and asked you because it didn't make any sense!
    via llekra
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  • 26
    me: okay. you would do X because in box A, the employee put Y, and then in box B, the employee put Z, so you would still do X, ultimately. (relieved that i was finally able to answer without her interrupting me)
    via llekra
  • 27
    she has now been here for like 9 months or so. the bombardment of questions continues. i've had to mute her on our work chat, because she constantly asks repetitive questions that i've already answered. AND i want her to try and figure it out for herself. she refuses to use her resources that i've provided her.
    via llekra
  • 28
    she uses me as her crutch. it's partly my fault, because i allowed it to happen for so long. she is going to be the downfall of this department once i leave. she already told me that when i go to my new job, she'll text me any questions she has. i will not be responding, little does she know. i've tried and tried, and
    via llekra
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  • 29
    i've almost made myself insane from trying to help her, but it's no use. my supervisors don't know what they're in for, and i don't plan on telling them. my supervisors have treated me poorly throughout my experience here in this department, so i think i'll let them deal with her themselves.
    via llekra
  • 30
    i've stopped answering her questions. i make my answers short, or i'll say i don't know. i'll tell her to ask someone else. (mind you, there are 20+ other people she could direct her questions to, she just doesn't want to).i do everything i can now to avoid her, and i only have four more days left. FOUR MORE DAYS!!!
    via llekra
  • 31
    TLDR: coworker relies too much on me and asks repetitive questions. she constantly interrupts me as i'm trying to answer her questions. every question she has, she deems it to be an urgent question that needs answered ASAP. i worked very hard trying to train her, provided her with the handbook,
    via llekra
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  • 32
    training resources, etc. but it was no use. my time and energy feels disrespected. i start a new job in 4 days, and i can't wait to leave. department will be in shambles because she will be the only one doing the most essential job in our department.
    via llekra
  • 33
    Cheezburger Image 10575773696
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    The image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 34
    phinie_b2 Don't answer her questions. Ask her what she thinks she should do and why. Ask her where she can find the information. Your enabling her behavior. Stop giving her the info, let her find it.
    via llekra
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  • 35
    OP Ilekra i definitely enabled her behavior. i wish i wouldn't have. i have a hard time setting boundaries, lol. definitely learned my lesson!
    via llekra
  • 36
    djmcfuzzyduck As I'm reading this I'm thinking "how do these folks survive?" It's because of people like OP. That isn't a negative on OP at all, they are just far too nice.
    via llekra
  • 37
    OP Ilekra i hate to say it...but yeah. people like lexi thrive when people like myself struggle to set boundaries.
    via llekra
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  • 38
    Cranks_No_Start Give it time and she will get promoted to be your supervisor.
    via llekra
  • 39
    OP Ilekra oh god, don't say that
    via llekra
  • 40
    corgi-king My wife had a coworker who is like that. She works as a bank teller for like 15 years, much more than my wife. Yet she still constantly asks basic and the same questions over and over. My wife said she did not bring her brain to work.
    via llekra
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  • 41
    OP Ilekra lexi also worked as a bank teller, LMAO!
    via llekra
  • 42
    sexylassy I had a similar situation. Is this her first job? Sounds like it. I was undiagnosed with adult add/adhd. I am horrible with spreadsheets (I work with spreadsheets all the time".. I had to go on medication before I saw an improvement. The thing is, it's not your battle, it's hers.
    via llekra
  • 43
    OP Ilekra she is 30 and this is her 4th job i believe.
    via llekra
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  • 44
    xcoreflyup I also see that her direct supervisor isn't do their job. 9 months is too long for this kind of no learning curve behavior. Her supervisor should start a conversation with her, help her, monitor and determine the next course of action
    via llekra
  • 45
    Epiphone56 I've worked with these people. Lexi is an ask-hole.
    via llekra
  • 46
    neo_sporin at my last job was remote and everything was on teams or our document drive. after about the first 3 weeks the questions returned were 'well, what documents have you used to find the answer?" "have you spoken to your supervisor?" "ive answered this question before, is this different?"
    via llekra
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  • 47
    JustStarted23 Reading though, I kept thinking, cognitive impairment? anxiety? learned helplessness? weaponised incompetence? responsibility shifting? Can't wait for the juicy update.
    via llekra
  • 48
    lilylilyg I had a co-worker who would sit and stare in disbelief at her keyboard for minutes then interrupt my work to ask where the letter K had got to. Day after day, hour after hour, only the missing letter would change.
    via llekra

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