32-year-old female patient compliments a nurse's arm muscles during OBGYN appointment, nurse snaps at her: 'Most people working on themselves at the gym have serious mental health issues'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Nov 21, 2025 10:00 PM EST

 Everybody likes to receive a compliment. Most of us don't get them enough. He can truly make your day when a stranger points out something about you. That's wonderful. It can really help with self-esteem. But compliments can also have the opposite effect. The wrong compliment at the wrong time from the wrong person can take away your sense of safety. There are general commonsense rules about what compliments to give, and when. It's usually a good idea, when you're complimenting a stranger, to play it pretty safe. You never know what they're going through, what they're insecure about, or how it might come across despite your best efforts to seem normal. 

When you're complimenting a friend, you can let it fly. You can tell them all the wonderful things about them without much thought. But with people whom you don't know, especially in a public setting, you have to be careful. You would hate for somebody to point out something about yourself that you don't want attention drawn to. It might make you even more insecure. 

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  • A nurse sits on a hospital bed and looks confused, up from her phone.
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • But it's hard to know, and these rules aren't set in stone. That's why this person was so confused when they complimented somebody at work. They weren't sure if they were in the wrong or if the person was overreacting. Read on to see what happened in this interaction and decide what you would've done.

  • I complimented a female nurse during OBGYN appt for having nice arm muscles and she snapped at me.

    AITA. I (32 f) complimented a female nurse during OBGYN appt for having nice arm muscles. She was very bothered by my comment for some reason which I am trying to wrap my head around. She went on and on saying that most people working on themselves at the gym have serious mental health issues
    via u/AwkwardPlantain649
  • and are working out to channel through it and not to "look nice." I apologized and told her I meant no harm and that I simply admired her for looking strong. She kept getting more angry and I just stopped responding. I left the office feeling really confused. Any input would be greatly appreciated from this awkward human who was just trying to socialize. (I'd like to add that she was wearing the type of scrubs with cap sleeves that specifically show off your upper arms.)
    via u/AwkwardPlantain649

  • Commenters had a lot to say about this interaction.

    RandomNick42 • 2h ago I guarantee you most people at the gym don't go there because they have mental health issues, so that tangent tells you more about the nurse and why she reacted the way she did. So your perfectly innocent comment hit the wrong note, you apologized, you moved on. NAH.
    via u/RandomNick42
  • A female nurse puts a blood pressure cuff on a patient.
    via Unsplash+ (Ahmet Kurt)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • • BruceDubya 2h ago NTA. nothing wrong with saying "nice guns" to someone. Who tf brings up mental health issues because they got complimented for their muscles? I suppose probably someone with mental health issues but damn. Quite an overreaction.
    via u/BruceDubya
  • BunnyLiker ⚫2h ago "Most people at the gym are mentally unhealthy" is a HELL of a broad statement to make about an enormous number of people. NTA.
    via u/BunnyLiker
  • UnhingedLawyer • 2h ago Gentle ESH. As others have pointed out, it's best not to compliment strangers' bodies. This is especially true at a person's place of work. I might compliment someone's outfit, hair, or even eyes, but muscles are more intimate.
    via u/UnhingedLawyer
  • That said, her reaction was really over the top. Going off on you about her mental health struggles was weird and unprofessional. She could have just said, "hey I don't love comments on my body, even if they are complimentary." Instead, she kept berating you even after you apologized. There is simply no reason to go through life with such a chip on your shoulder.
    via u/UnhingedLawyer
  • Shake it off, avoid these comments in the future, and know that this woman's reaction says more about her than it does about you.
    via u/UnhingedLawyer
  • Fair-Trade37 • 2h ago You: Hey I admire you and you look strong :) Her: How dare you! NTA clearly she's dealing with some issues
    via u/Fair-Trade37
  • IDontLikeGreenPeas 2h ago • NTA. "Most people working out at the gym have mental health issues" ??!! That's not true, and it's kind of bonkers to think that. I think it would have been better for you NOT to compliment her muscles, but doing it doesn't make you an AH. You meant to be nice.
    via u/IDontLikeGreenPeas
  • A good rule for complimenting people is to only compliment things they have control over or can easily change. "I love your necklace." "I love that dress, the color looks so good on you." Those are good compliments. "You look great, I wish I could be that skinny." Oops, they have anorexia.
    via u/IDontLikeGreenPeas
  • Catinthefirelight • 2h ago It's generally not a good idea to complement someone on their body during a professional interaction. You may have been well-intended, but a light YTA.
    via u/Catinthefirelight
  • Gimme DatSideHug . 2h ago NTA. lol what is wrong with the people saying you shouldn't give compliments like that? The nurse seems like a real weirdo. What a strange assumption about why people work out, and how rude to not just take the compliment and move on, but to make you feel like some kind of asshole.
    via u/GimmeDatSideHug
  • . twystedcyster- • 2h ago I avoid commenting on the bodies of people I don't know. You never know what kind of insecurities and even trauma they have.
    via u/twystedcyster
  • Cara_Bina 2h ago • Honestly, it's best not to comment on other people's bodies. I was brought up that it is rude to make personal comments. I may compliment a stranger, but it is always on something they have control over, such as choice of clothes, jewellery, etc. That said, I am sorry that you got what sounds like rather an overreaction to your kindness.
    via u/Cara_Bina
  • Hnossa-444 2h ago • Sounds like she has those muscles because she has to go to the gym a lot to deal with bad mental health. I can see how she wouldn't like the comment on body, even if you meant well. Just don't comment on people's bodies, you never know what's going on in their lifes.
    via u/Hnossa-444
  • sea... 2h ago Edited 2h ago . ESH - but very gently on your part. You meant well, but you shouldn't really comment on someone's appearance at work. Even if you're just trying to be a girl's girl, it can easily backfire like it did here. The nurse, however, way overreacted and should not
    via u/seagullsarea***oles
  • have gone off on you like that. Honestly, I doubt it was even about you, she sounds like she has some issues she's working through and you set her off Sounds like a really awkward experience overall and I'm sorry for that.
    via u/seagullsarea***oles
  • alve... • 2h ago • Edited 2h ago . . NAH I'd say, it's risky to complement somebody on something most people don't typically comment on. You just don't know how people will take it. Hair, makeup, clothes is one thing. Past that it gets a little weird and risky.
    via u/alvehyanna
  • That said, some people will take offense to anything / are looking for a reason to be mad or are just in a bad mood. Or just caught them off guard. Risky of you. She could have just taken the compliment and moved on since it sounds like you gave it authentically. So I'm going with just a communication misalignment socially here.
    via u/alvehyanna
  • 90smeangirl 2h ago You are most certainly NTA. Some people are extremely insecure and have low self esteem and want to make it everyone else's problem. It was an innocent comment and it really isn't about looks. It takes time, effort, and discipline to get strong- recognizing that and complimenting it isn't an insult or problem.
    via u/90smeangirl
  • You ran across someone with some issues, move on. No need to change your behavior or willingness to complement another woman or self examine too hard. You did nothing wrong.
    via u/90smeangirl
  • Invisible_Friend1 • 2h ago NTA she sounds completely nuts. Just fyi, if someone acts like that you can ask for another staff member rather than putting up with a hostile attitude and oversharing about mental health problems. I'd be thrilled if someone noticed my arm muscles at work.
    via u/Invisible_Friend1

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compliment antiwork workplace-stories toxic-workplace gym job work working reddit story toxic-boss body image workplace reddit thread Reddit toxic-work-environment
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