18-year-old daycare worker forbids 7-year-old from using her colleague's hand sanitizer, despite her colleague offering the hand sanitizer to her: 'She needs to learn that she can't always get what she wants.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Nov 24, 2025 8:00 AM EST

She was trying to be kind to a child, and this is how her coworker treats her?

One of the biggest lessons you learn as a child is that you don't always get what you want. That is, if you have parents and adults in your life who don't give in to every demand that you make of them. If your parent lets you have whatever you want, you're going to grow up to be an adult who cannot self-regulate, and it's going to be challenging to parent yourself into self-control. Kids who grow up with parents who say "no" are much better off as adults, even if it's a little painful in the moment.

At the same time, there isn't harm in giving kids some choices in their lives. They should be allowed to choose whether they get vanilla or chocolate ice cream, if both are available! Kids do not have very much autonomy, and giving them choices and doing things to help make them more comfortable is not going to turn them into irredeemable spoiled brats. Sometimes, you don't need to control a kid's autonomy for the sake of controlling it just because you, as the adult, have the power to do so.

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  • Person holding hand sanitizer over child's hand
    via Devyn Holman

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • The teacher in this story just wanted to help a struggling young student, but her colleague had no patience for that. The teacher offered a girl hand sanitizer because she had sensory issues with the school-provided kind, but her coworker shut her down.

  • Am I the bad guy for wanting to allow a girl to use my hand sanitizer?

    I know the title sounds weird, so I'll start by providing some background info. 1 (20F) work at an after-school-program and there's a little girl (7-8 F) who has some sensory issues (hasn't been diagnosed with anything, so I won't attempt to here). One day I
    via u/International-Eye676
  • Gil in red floral headband and a yellow shirt
    via hessam nabavi

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • was working with her, she started to melt down as my coworker (18F) gave all the kids hand sanitizer due to being averse to the smell and texture. I let her use mine (the Touchland Watermelon one from Ulta) and she calmed down, so I told her that in the future, she could just ask me to use mine. Well, today, she asked if
    via u/International-Eye676
  • she could use my hand sanitizer. I of course said yes before my coworker said she could just use the school's. The girl calmly explained that she didn't like the smell and texture, but my coworker told her "I don't care" and told me not to let her use it because she needed to learn that she couldn't always get what she
    via u/International-Eye676
  • wants and it would result in the other kids wanting to use it. To be clear, I would have no issue with the other kids using it and am all for teaching kids that they can't always get what they want, but I just don't think this is the time or place to do so. However, me being neurodivergent could cause me to be biased, so I wanted to get some more neutral perspectives as to whether I was the AH
    via u/International-Eye676
  • Daycare teacher with daycare kids at a table
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Klutzy_Start708 Not an asshole. Perhaps worth discussing it with her parents so they can equip her with her own supply of hand sanitiser if it's a sensory issue that might impact her health in future.
    via u/Klutzy_Start708
  • International-Eye676 OP Yeah, that's what I was thinking, too, or talking with who her teacher is (I work at a school where I know a lot of the staff and have good relationships with them since I also went there) and asking him/her for advice on how to approach the parent/guardian
    via u/International-Eye676
  • Nice-Dinner-8456 imagine a scenario where sensory needs trump stubborn rules and empathy wins
    via u/Nice-Dinner-8456
  • HeavensAnger NTA. Your coworker said "I don't care" to a kid calmly explaining a sensory issue. That's not teaching a lesson, that's just being mean. You found a simple fix that works-keep doing it.
    via u/HeavensAnger
  • International-Eye676 OP That's what pissed me off the most, to be honest. I know that if a teacher had said that to me, there would've been hell to pay (I'm ND as well). Plus, it may make this kid afraid to advocate for herself, which is such an important skill for kids to have, especially if they're ND and are around people who don't really understand what it's like for them
    via u/International-Eye676
  • ProjectJourneyman Your coworker seems to be an immature kid, and not an ideal person to have around young children. Not uncommon in these environments, you'll only be able to do so much to improve the situation for the kids. If you have some authority, gently guide her on how to be supportive of childhood development. If you don't... just know that you weren't in the wrong.
    via u/ProjectJourneyman
  • rybpyjama Teaching this kid they don't have to ignore their own needs and can advocate, and they have an ally who respects them and is taking cues from them is honestly the more important lesson so I think you're good.
    via u/rybpyjama
  • How many kids are out there having issues with hand sanitiser to the point of being stressed out/anxiety or having a meltdown just to be 'difficult'? Very few. I suspect you have a good idea of the difference between a kid just complaining vs a sensory issue, and even if not- is this the mountain that any educator really wants to be taking a stand on?
    via u/rybpyjama
  • International-Eye676 OP When she first expressed having issues with the sanitizer, her reaction was more similar to a panic attack than a meltdown, which is what solidified my reasoning that she was in sensory overload
    via u/International-Eye676
  • CaptainSeapants17 NTA. Some people, especially when it comes to taking care of kids, just believe you shouldn't change ANYTHING to make a kid more comfortable. She's not your boss, she can't police your actions. I'm glad the kids have someone empathetic and kind like you caring for them.
    via u/CaptainSeapants17
  • International-Eye676 OP Aww, this really means a lot! I'm typically only with this particular group a couple times a week when another coworker of ours has her college classes, so I really want to put extra effort into building relationships with the kiddos, which is my favorite part about working with kids (I'm also a History Education major, so I like to call my current kiddos my practice babies)
    via u/International-Eye676
  • Loud_Confidence2956 NTA It's hand sanitizer. Your coworker is making mountains out of mole hills. You teach kids that they can't always get what they want by teaching them how to handle disappointment and regulate themselves. That's a skill for managing things outside of your control. What goes on someone's body should be well within their control.
    via u/Loud_Confidence2956
  • International-Eye676 OP Exactly, since with something like hand sanitizer, there are several different kinds out there to choose from. There's also the option to just wash your hands in the bathroom (something this kiddo is also fine with)
    via u/International-Eye676
  • Latranis You're not "biased." You're empathetic. Your coworker needs to learn empathy. I guarantee that girl will remember the teacher that saw her aversion to something and helped her with it.
    via u/Latranis

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daycare sensory kids coworkers teachers reddit story teacher hand sanitizer karen coworker colleague hand washing reddit thread Reddit wash hands coworker children
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