Entitled mother tries to change the itinerary of her child's 3-week dream trip to Germany into something she wants instead, child tells her to get over it or get out: ‘Get on for the ride or not come at all’

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    middle aged woman using her laptop to look up cheap hotels and flights
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    "AITA for telling my mum no, she in fact doesn’t get a say on what we do on MY holiday?"

    So recently I've started planning a 3 week trip to Germany next June and I'm so excited!
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    I told my mum and she said she'd love to tag along. I was reluctant as she has a history of complaining on vacations, changing plans and being a bit of a drag (which is sometimes just down to circumstance and not her fault) so I was reluctant to affirm if she could come.
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    I just said "well we'll see" and left it at that. Fast forward 2 weeks and she's actively changing my plans in where I want to stay and what I want to do.
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    Complaining about the cost of hotels, the area we will be staying in and the time of year I am going.
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    I made sure to tell her very firmly that if she wants to come with me on MY holiday then that means we will be doing what I want.
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    Museums, historical sites, castles, galleries etc. the full cultural experience. She doesn't get a say in where I choose to stay for us or what region I want to visit.
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    She's just going to be along for the ride. Now she's actively sulking because I chose to stay 5 nights in a beautiful chateau instead of "proper accommodation", ie a random chain hotel on the city.
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    I told her again that she doesn't get a say in where we stay if she wants to accompany me.
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    Now she's arguing that since she's paying half the hotel cost, (since we will be sharing a room most of the trip) she should get some say in where we stay.
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    I will admit that I got a bit angry with her because I was sick of her complaining about every option I gave her.
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    girl sitting alone and sullen in her room
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    I said that if she was going on a cruise she wouldn't get a choice in destination just because she's paying; this trip is a cruise, she can either get on for the ride or not come at all.
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    She said I was being mean and inflexible. I feel like she's shoehorning herself into my trip I've been dreaming about for 18 months.
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    AITA? Edit: Wasn't expecting to get so many comments but thanks for the engagement! I showed my mum some more info about the trip, sat her down and we went through my itinerary together.
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    She admitted she overreacted because she's had bad experiences with "rustic accomodation" in the past and apologised for getting so hands on with my holiday.
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    She said she only wanted me to have a good time as she's been to Germany a few times before and this was my first time.
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    She's still coming with me but we've agreed to split up when we get to Munich so I can do what I want and she can do what she wants.
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    For context, I love my mum and I still want her to come, she just needs to be told every now and then!
  • 20
    pixie-ann NTA but don't let her tag along. She'll ruin it with her complaining and you'll regret it. Why are you letting her go with you? What possible benefit is there to you if she goes?
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    Tazmosis85 NTA. here's a script of what you can text her. Go ahead and do a cut and paste. "Dear mom, you're starting to piss me off. Book your own trip, you're not coming on mine.".
  • 22
    LordDessik Well she's my mum and I love her?
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    raptorsniper You can love someone and still not take them on holiday with you.
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    Top-Bit85 She's your mum and you love her and you know her well enough to know how this will go. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome.

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