Carpooler demands coworkers clock out early so she can attend son's medical appointment, gets offended when they make alternative travel arrangements: 'No way our managers would let us leave 45 minutes early for someone else’s child'

Being an employee and a parent at the same time can prove to be an awkward mix.

It is no secret that the average 9-5, 5 day work week schedule is frequently incompatible with the demands of raising kids. Considering the fact that most parents need a job to be able to afford their children in the first place, balancing the two can become a potent source of stress. Family should come first, but a workplace is not always going to allow that.

There are ways for this burden to be made easier, the most important of these being good childcare and a flexible workplace with supportive colleagues who understand the need to prioritize parenting. These aren't always easy to come by, and this can be frustrating for a parent when a situation arises where they need to be thinking more about their family than about what is happening at work.

Author image for Ally Perry Ally Perry
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  • an woman sat at the steering wheel of a car gestures in frustration
    via Curated Lifestyle (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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  • From the perspective of those who work with a parent, most reasonable people are willing to be sympathetic if they are having issues with their kids. However, things can become complicated when it feels like they are being drawn into the situation in a way that breaches professional boundaries.

    In this story, a woman and her coworker faced criticism from their fellow colleague, who had wanted them to clock out early so they could carpool with her before she attended her son's medical appointment. Her son had been ill for the past few days, but she hadn't asked for time off as she worried that it wasn't allowed.

    As a result, she had asked if it was possible for the coworkers she usually carpooled with to finish work earlier so she could attend his appointment at the doctor. They felt that they couldn't justify this to their boss, so they decided to travel with someone else at the normal time. This upset the mom, leaving one of her coworkers wondering if they were in the wrong.

  • AITA for refusing to clock out early so my coworker can take her kid to the hospital?

    I (31 F) carpool to work every day with four coworkers. We all live about an hour away from the office and have been carpooling ever since they forced us back to full time in person so that we could share commuting expenses (Gas and tolls).
    via cheesecake_sw
  • One of my coworkers (let's call her S) has a young child who recently got very sick. For the last few days he's been having constant nosebleeds so bad that he's even gone through an entire roll of toilet paper trying to stop the bleeding.
    via cheesecake_sw
  • Last Sunday night it got so bad that they took him to the hospital. On Monday she still came to work as usual and didn't mention anything about it until we were all driving home. That's when she told us she hadn't asked her boss for time off to take her kid to the hospital because she "didn't think she would be allowed." She also said that if she doesn't get him seen soon, "he could die."
    via cheesecake_sw
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  • a young boy sits on a couch, putting a medicinal spray in his mouth
    via Andrej Lišakov (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • She asked if the next day we could all take her car instead of the usual driver's (Let's call him A), and if everyone could clock out at 4:45 instead of 5:30 (5:30 is when A and I normally finish,the other 3 clock out at 5).
    via cheesecake_sw
  • We told her we'd think about it and would need to clear it with our managers. After talking it over, A and I decided we would just find another ride home so S could leave whenever she needed. The plan was: she would drive her own car to work, we'd all ride with her in the morning, and then in the afternoon A and I would get a ride with someone else so she could go straight home and get her kid to the doctor.
    via cheesecake_sw
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  • When A called her later on that night to explain this plan to her, she got furious. She accused us of being heartless and not caring about her child, said "what goes around comes around," and then dramatically announced she would just reschedule the doctor's appointment so it "wouldn't inconvenience us" even though we never asked her to do that, and even though she had just told us an hour before that her son's nosebleeds haven't stopped and he could literally die.
    via cheesecake_sw
  • I'm angry because she was the one who originally said she'd take her own car and drop us off so she could go straight home to her kid and we were totally fine with that plan, but we knew there was no way our managers would let us leave 45 minutes early for someone else's child. A and I don't have children but honestly, if my kid was bleeding that much, I would have called out or left early the day before and taken him to the ER, not shown up to work and
    via cheesecake_sw
  • dropped the news casually on the commute home. I'm also confused, and concerned, at her saying that her kid 'could die' but yet she's scheduling a doctor's appointment instead of dropping everything and taking him straight to the ER. So, AITA for refusing to clock out early so my coworker can take her kid to the ER?
    via cheesecake_sw
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  • a woman looks ahead with her hands on the steering wheel while sat in the driver's seat of a car
    via Curated Lifestyle (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • wanderingstorm So is she taking the kid to the doctor or the ER? Because you don't schedule an appointment the ER. And she should know than an ER is for emergent issues not chronic nosebleeds that need to be treated by a primary. That being said, NTA. This is HER kid, not your responsibility. Car pool aside, it's a bit ridiculous to expect multiple people to change their work schedules for someone else's child.
    via wanderingstorm
  • OP cheesecake_sw She told us she needed to take him to the ER and then said she was going to schedule an appointment with a doctor. I'm equally confused.
    via cheesecake_sw
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  • KoolJozeeKatt Even weirder, OP writes that co- worker DID take the kid to the ER on Sunday. But then on Monday, co-worker says kid could die if not seen, but the kid was seen on Sunday! So, what's going on here?
    via KoolJozeeKatt
  • OP cheesecake_sw OP here, we were all just as confused by her explanation. She told us she needed to leave early today to take him to a hospital and then proceeded to say she had scheduled a doctor's appointment.
    via cheesecake_sw
  • madcats323 I don't understand why any of this is an issue. If she needs to take her child to the hospital, she should use her car that day and the rest of the group should carpool in a different vehicle. None of this makes any sense but if it's real, NTA.
    via madcats323
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  • SunshineSeriesB This seems like the kind of instance where she should just drive herself for the time being so she can come and go as she needs and you and your colleagues continue to carpool. NTA. She needs someone to be mad at so she's being mad at you. <3
    via SunshineSeriesB
  • NTA Samashezra She has her own car, she can take her own kid when needed. What do you guys (as coworkers) have anything to do with this? Unless I'm missing something?
    via Samashezra
  • SpaceAceCase NTA I genuinely have no idea. what her issue is? Thats 2 less people she'd have to worry about driving home so she can get her kid to the hospital sooner? Also, yeah, I dont have kids but if something could kill then Id be calling out of work and rushing them to the ER.
    via SpaceAceCase
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  • curvyhorsegirl NTA. Her child, her responsibility is the short answer. But this is weird behavior. What are the chances she's lying? This doesnt seem like the action of a concerned mother. How expensive is it for her to just drive separately? This makes zero sense.
    via curvyhorsegirl
  • Infinite_Advisor4633 INFO what is she mad about? She's getting what she needs, but she's mad you aren't clocking out early with her or something?
    via Infinite_Advisor4633
  • rosebudny Wait what? She is mad that you are getting a ride home with someone else so she can drive herself to the hospital? When I first read the headline I assumed that she had ridden with you and you were refusing to drive her - in which case yeah that would not be cool. But you offered a reasonable solution. NTA.
    via rosebudny
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  • NTA. caprahircus I'm a working mom. If I was S, I would have explained to you all that I was very sorry but while my child was having these health issues it would probably be better if I didn't join the carpool because I might have to leave early and didn't want to ask you folks to leave early. It sucks her kid is having issues, but she shouldn't inconvenience you about it either.
    via caprahircus_

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