Laid-off employee put on garden leave during office Secret Santa refuses to play along and send a gift: ‘I was technically still employed and being paid, but I was clearly told not to come into work’

Author image for Etai Eshet
Etai Eshet • Editor
Dec 23, 2025 6:00 AM EST

Secret Santa is more often than not just Hunger Games in cozy wrapping paper, where everyone pretends it is about holiday spirit while quietly using a ten-dollar mug to send a message. Someone always ignores the budget, someone always buys soap that smells like anxiety, and someone uses the anonymous tag to finally deliver a joke that has way too much truth in it. By the end, people learn exactly where they stand in the hierarchy, all from who got a plush blanket and who got a branded pen that clearly came from a conference swag bag.

Office generosity has a short shelf life, especially when corporate timing turns sentimental gestures into social traps. This laid-off employee found that out the hard way after joining a forty-person Secret Santa at work. The game was simple: spend twenty euros, send a gift, spread some seasonal cheer. Everything went smoothly until late November, when the employee unexpectedly got laid off and was placed on garden leave. Technically still employed, but already ghosted. 

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  • AITA for not gifting the person I picked for Secret Santa after being laid off and put on garden leave?

    A young woman wearing a red sweater and Santa hat sits indoors holding a smartphone, resting her head on her hand with a disappointed, worried expression, surrounded by soft holiday lights that contrast with her unhappy mood.
    via Antonio Guillem

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • When the time came to exchange gifts, the employee bowed out politely, notifying the organizer that it felt wrong to keep participating. It was not a protest, just a boundary. The manager could have reassigned the name, kept the circle intact. Instead, silence again. A week later, the employee still received a gift in the mail, a bittersweet reminder that the company could manage symbolic kindness even when it couldn’t manage people.  

  • In October 2025, my manager's manager organized a Secret Santa at work for around 40 people.
    via Independent-Paint921
  • Participation was optional, the budget limit was €20, and we used a website that assigned people anonymously and let everyone add a wish list and shipping address.
    via Independent-Paint921
  • I signed up and was assigned someone. I could see his wish list and address, but I didn't know who had me.
    via Independent-Paint921
  • In late November 2025, after the Secret Santa had already been organized, I was unexpectedly laid off.
    via Independent-Paint921
  • I was put on garden leave for two months, meaning I was technically still employed and being paid, but I was clearly told not to come into work.
    via Independent-Paint921
  • Even though I was on garden leave, the company asked me to return my laptop and equipment about a week after the Secret Santa gifts were meant to be exchanged.
    via Independent-Paint921
  • That made it feel very final, like I was already out socially and professionally. Because of this, I messaged my manager's manager and explained that I no longer felt comfortable participating in the Secret Santa since I had been laid off.
    via Independent-Paint921
  • I suggested that maybe the person who picked me could be reassigned to the person I had picked so the exchange could still work without me being involved.
    via Independent-Paint921
  • Despite that, I still received a Secret Santa gift in the mail. I did not send a gift to the person I was assigned.
    via Independent-Paint921
  • Later, I heard through someone still at the company that people were saying I was selfish, that I accepted a gift but didn't give one, and that I could have easily sent something since the website already had the address.
    via Independent-Paint921

  • Office gossip filled in whatever meaning it wanted. Word got around that the former employee took a gift and gave nothing. The story twisted into selfishness, as if enduring the early stages of unemployment was not enough responsibility. There is a strange cruelty in how workplaces rewrite narratives once someone is out of sight.  

  • A young woman wearing a red sweater and Santa hat looks down at her smartphone with a frustrated, disappointed expression, sitting on a couch indoors with soft Christmas lights in the background.
    via Antonio Guillem

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • From my point of view, I had been laid off, told not to engage with work at all, and asked to return my equipment shortly after the exchange.
    via Independent-Paint921
  • I had already said I didn't want to participate anymore, and continuing a work tradition with a company that had just let me go felt uncomfortable and inappropriate.
    via Independent-Paint921

  • In truth, this was not stinginess but detachment, the clean break that should have happened both ways. No one owes holiday cheer to a place that just erased their nameplate. Some gifts cost more integrity than twenty euros can buy.

  • So, AITA?
    via Independent-Paint921
  • Secret_Sister_Sarah Why not just send the gift you received to the person whose name you picked?
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  • OP Independent-Paint921 The gift I received was based on my wish list, it was for women. The person I picked was a guy much older than me with a much different list. Also, I don't know his address off heart and I already handed in my laptop when the gift arrived. I just wanted to be done with everything. So, I signed my termination letter, emailed my managers manager, and he didn't reply. The next day, I wiped my laptop, and phone and handed it in with the company.
    via Independent-Paint921
  • thedjbigc NTA. This is one of those things that will likely sit with you. If it really bothers you - you know who you had for your secret santa. Reach out to them, explain the situation, tell them you apologize, but you laid it out here rather well. You being a decent person doesn't mean a company gets to take advantage of you after you're effectively laid off. At that point you just cut ties and move on. It's okay to feel bad about it though. This is probably one of those things that will haunt
    via Independent-Paint921
  • OP Independent-Paint921 It has been bothering me, and I feel very bad because this guy didn't do anything to me. I really wish I didn't receive any gift, because I even feel worse. I was thinking management could have handled it to make sure he got something :(
    via Independent-Paint921
  • Moomah TheQueen Why do you care? You've been told to stay away, which is what you've done
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  • OP Independent-Paint921 I just care for the guy. It's kind of like being excluded, and it's not about the money it goes much deeper than that
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  • OP Independent-Paint921 I just want to add a few things: 1.I still don't know who picked me. The package arrived at my house. We were all supposed to meet via Teams to guess our Secret Santa, but I did not participate. 2. Even if I wanted to send the gift back, I don't know how to do that because I don't know who to send it to. 3.I thought management would handle it, because personally I wouldn't expect someone to participate after being let go. If I had known that management would not handle it
    via Independent-Paint921
  • ghostlikecharm Wtf is garden leave?
    via Independent-Paint921
  • OP Independent-Paint921 Notice period, where you don't have to come to come to work. So basically getting paid without working. It's pretty normal in my country and I believe a lot of EU countries
    via Independent-Paint921
  • Ninibah How do I go about getting "Garden Leave"? As an American, that sounds awesome!
    via Independent-Paint921
  • OP Independent-Paint921 It's European haha. I think it happens a lot here. Some companies can still require you to come to work, but a lot don't because maybe it would be weird being there
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  • 1notadoctor2 So are you now officially separated from service? And did it occur a week after the exchange?
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  • OP Independent-Paint921 Yes I am. I returned my work equipments early December, and the secret Santa happened just recently. I'm on garden leave so I believe I'm still in the system as their employee but have no access to anything.
    via Independent-Paint921
  • Puzzled-Dream1321 This is a moral question. It was a Secret Santa between employees. You were laid of but the twi months you spent home you were still being paid. < I was technically still employed and being paid, but I was clearly told not to come into work> (So two months being paid while looking for a new job.) Personally I would have send the gift. It was no money of your back as you were still being paid, and you never know when good professional relations could be handy. Or a nice referenc
    via Independent-Paint921
  • OP Independent-Paint921 The company said in my termination contract that the reason was restructuring. I understand that, but I honestly believe there was more to it, and that's part of why I was so upset. In my immediate team, two people were already enough to do the job. One team member had moved into another position within the company, and when I was hired as a new graduate, I took his old job title. However, he never really left the team and continued working on projects instead of helping
    via Independent-Paint921
  • Real Virus9119 I feel like none of this matters. You signed up for a secret Santa. You got a name and didn't fulfill the gifting. You got a gift. You were still being paid during this time regardless of status at work. You found a new job. Why not just finish the secret Santa so the one guys didn't get screwed over? Not his fault the company laid you off. Idk why everyone is saying NTA when I'd vote YTA.
    via Independent-Paint921
  • OP Independent-Paint921 I haven't found a new job yet, still searching
    via Independent-Paint921
  • Sideof Thorns You're the AH. You should've returned the gift he sent you. Acting entitled to a secret Santa gift after refusing to get one for the other guy is ridiculous. That guy isn't the company that fired you, he didn't do anything wrong and obviously wasn't told that you didn't want to participate. AH.
    via Independent-Paint921
  • OP Independent-Paint921 Firstly, idk who picked me. It was random and anonymous. Secondly, return to where? I already said all this was done through a Santa website(elfster). The guy is in a different EU country as well. We were all supposed to meet via Microsoft teams to guess who picked us.
    via Independent-Paint921

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management workplace discussion christmas employment issues workplace-stories coworkers Secret Santa colleague
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