20-year-old girlfriend insists her 22-year-old boyfriend of 7 months proposes before he joins the army because she doesn't want him to join: 'I don’t want to propose to someone under pressure.'

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Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Jan 6, 2026 8:00 PM EST

A marriage proposal should not be a consolation prize for your girlfriend for not getting her way.

Have you ever heard of the stereotype that military members get married exceptionally young and early in their relationships? This generalization is true for many young men and women in the army. One of the biggest benefits of being married is that you don't have to sleep in barracks anymore. Living in a college dormitory-esque setup can be fun for a couple of years, but once you're into your early 20s, you're bound to get pretty sick of it. On a similar note, the food at the DFAC is enough to make anyone take the plunge on their nuptials. It doesn't matter if you or your beloved can't cook a lick. Anything you make will probably be better than the prison food they make at the DFAC.

You can't overlook the emotional reasons a military member might marry young and quickly. They are probably looking for some stability in a career that can take them all over the world. If you have to move constantly, it's going to be much more challenging to do it alone than it will be to do it with a partner. Not to mention, young people who go straight into the military grow up much faster than those who opt for college, and they hit some milestones earlier than people who don't work full-time until they're 22. 

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  • African American soldier with folded arms standing in white studio
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

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  • The young man in this story is not ready to get married. He's only been with his girlfriend for seven months, and he's about to embark on a military career that she does not support. She's pressuring him into proposing before he sets off, but he's certain that a marriage proposal is out of the question right now.

  • Am I the bad guy for not wanting to propose to my girlfriend before I join the military?

    I (22M) started dating my girlfriend (20F) about 7 months ago. I've gotten pretty close with her family and her in these last 7 months. Recently I decided that I want to join the army.
    via u/Connect_Hall_7936
  • She's completely against it. She thinks it unethical, I will not benefit from it and I will have wasted 4 years of my life for a country that doesn't care about me. I beg to differ. I think it will be a
    via u/Connect_Hall_7936
  • great starting point for me after I graduate college this semester. I also let her know that I want to start living for me and that I've been living to see other people happy for the last couple of years. I
    via u/Connect_Hall_7936
  • Adopted child joyful happy girl smiling while standing behind her step parents
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • think it's time to make my own decisions and she doesn't see that. She feels like I am completely disregarding how she feels and that I am selfish for doing this. We talked and
    via u/Connect_Hall_7936
  • she said she'd stay regardless and would want me to propose before I join. I don't want to propose to someone under pressure simply to offer them some form of comfort. I care for
    via u/Connect_Hall_7936
  • A couple of people standing on top of a beach
    via Colin + Meg (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • her deeply but that is a major step I don't know if I'm comfortable with right now.. especially at my age.
    via u/Connect_Hall_7936
  • gutsyradio13 you haven't even been with her for a year, don't propose.
    via u/gutsyradio13
  • Nervous Brother7058 NTA but if you are about to dedicate years of your life to the military and she thinks it's unethical, you two are not compatible. It would be nuts to propose to someone you've only been dating half a year especially when your values don't align. You two are both too young to get married in general and it makes no sense for her to even want that when she has such strong objections to your life choices. Just say no. If that's a dealbreaker for her, it's for the best that the r
    via u/NervousBrother7058
  • Psychological_Eye_6 Brother, you are 22 years old you're about to go to the military. The last thing you should be thinking about is getting married.
    via u/Psychological_Eye_6
  • emotionalpenguin- It's only been 7 months, do not propose to her. You two barely know each other.
    via u/emotionalpenguin-
  • Emergency-Paint-6457 Do not propose, and just move on. It's a military cliché to propose to your girlfriend of 7 months before going to basic. Relationships are extremely difficult when you're in the military, your future wife has to be all in and supportive from the beginning (even then it's hard). I know half a dozen guys who literally did what you're contemplating, and they're all divorced now. Many of them were dumped while deployed in a war zone.
    via u/Emergency-Paint-6457
  • Pledgeofmalfeasance You want to join the army now?
    via u/Pledgeofmalfeasance
  • easily_doxxed Not the question asked but....veteran here who definitely regrets his time in the army. It's made my life so much more painful and difficult. Like all things in life, it's the right move for some and doesn't play out right for others. Make sure this isn't a quick decision to run away from something unhappy in your current situation. Looking back, that's what mine was although I didn't understand that at the time. (Also I did marry my gf of 18 months right before my first deployment
    via u/easily_doxxed
  • mmmstrongflavors Don't propose and don't join the military. Don't propose because you wouldn't otherwise propose and it's only been seven months. Don't join the military because you literally said you want to start living your life for yourself and making your own decisions. You will do neither in the military. Instead, you are going to come out behind your peers who start a civilian career based on their degrees. Don't believe them when they tell you you'll be able to do whatever specialty you
    via u/mmmstrongflavors
  • Ok_Parsley_6693 Chile, all I needed to hear was 22 and 7 months. Do not propose. Live your life.
    via u/Ok_Parsley_6693

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