48-year-old boyfriend asks 39-year-old girlfriend to sell her house and move in with his 11, 13, and 16-year-old kids so he can use the money to pay off his debts: 'He is very irresponsible with money.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Jan 7, 2026 8:00 AM EST

If she marries him, he's going to run her into the ground financially.

One of the harshest realities of marriage is that many people marry primarily for financial security rather than for love. This is a tale as old as time, so it shouldn't be much of a shock to anyone. Still, it's incredibly emotionally difficult to accept when you are being financially taken advantage of by somebody that you love. I'm not talking about a couple where one partner makes $50K, and the other makes $150K. Having a gap in income does not necessarily mean the less affluent partner is using the affluent partner for money. I'm talking about a couple where one partner sees their marriage to the other as a ticket out of working or contributing to the household. I'm talking about a hypothetical guy who is willing to marry a girl he doesn't like very much because he knows she will inherit some prime real estate in Manhattan's West Village and won't have to pay rent or buy a house herself. I'm thinking about a woman who spends most of her husband's paycheck behind his back, so they won't be able to afford the rent that month. 

Sometimes it's difficult to tell when your partner is taking advantage of you financially, but the woman in this story can see it as clear as day that her boyfriend only proposed to get money out of her.

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  • Man with glasses wearing a dark polo shirt outdoors
    via Sophie Paterson

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • The girlfriend in this story was suspicious about her boyfriend's marriage proposal from the jump. He said flat-out that he wanted her to sell her house so he could use the money to pay off his debt. Even though he promised her his house if they broke up, she was not willing to climb aboard his crazy train.

  • Am I overreacting? My partner wants me to move in with him, and sell my house to pay off his debts.

    I 39F, have been with my boyfriend 48M, for a couple of years. He has 3 children 11F, 13M and 16M. He recently proposed, I was unsure, but said yes, as I wasn't expecting it. He is on a much better wage than me, but is in alot of
    via BreadfruitDull6208
  • debt, tens of thousands. He lives way beyond his means, and is very irresponsible with money, often asking to borrow money off me until payday. We both have our own homes, mortgaged. He asked me to move in with him,
    via BreadfruitDull6208
  • and use the money I get off my house to pay off his debts, and said that with the remainder, I can renovate the house as I please. He also said that, if we split up, I could have the house. I am extremely reluctant, as I have
    via BreadfruitDull6208
  • Brown and white concrete house under blue sky during daytime
    via Dillon Kydd

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • always been extremely independent. AITA for not agreeing to this, and paying off his debts. UPDATE Thanks
    via BreadfruitDull6208
  • to everyone for your replies, and advice. I have since split up with boyfriend. I am considering selling my house, but only to purchase a new one, alone.
    via BreadfruitDull6208
  • Random Reddit9791 Do not do anything remotely similar to what he's proposing. This man will financially ruin you. You shouldn't even marry him if he can't properly manage his finances.
    via u/RandomReddit9791
  • Equivalent-Shake-77 NTA. What a bold move to even consider to ask to sell your home to pay his debts.... If he wants to move in together, he can sell his house to pay his own debts
    via u/Equivalent-Shake-77
  • Excellent_Ad1132 Marry this fool and you will end up with his debts and end up in a deep hole than you can ever dream. Do not make that mistake
    via u/Excellent_Ad1132
  • miyuki_m You understand that this is why he asked you to marry him, right? He has decided that the house you worked to buy is the answer to his financial problems.
    via u/miyuki_m
  • Person holding an empty wallet
    via Odile (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Helvetica-Scenario This sounds like nothing but downsides for you.
    via u/Helvetica-Scenari0
  • memimomayhem Omg RUN.
    via u/memimomayhem
  • AyuAzureHeat As a woman who worked hard for her independence, selling your safety net to clean up a grown man's financial mess feels terrifying and unfair, and your gut is screaming because real love should never ask you to gamble your future.
    via u/AyuAzureHeat
  • Gabstar 1056 I can't believe you would even feel the need to ask others. No, no no never subject yourself jeopardising your financial security.
    via u/Gabstar1056
  • gastropodia42 He will live beyond your combined means if you marry him.
    via u/gastropodia42
  • Worldly_Instance_730 Don't do it! He isn't going to miraculously get better at finances, and he'll drag you down with him! Why can't he sell his house?
    via u/Worldly_Instance_730

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Tags

boyfriend kids house irresponsible girlfriend debt financial dad money toxic relationship
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