Man gets tricked by coworker to drive two hours to his house after work to help him paint: 'He said please don't make dumb excuses'

Author image for Isabella Penn
Isabella Penn
Jan 20, 2026 9:00 AM EST

Right from the beginning, this situation seems like a misunderstanding that got worse because the people involved never agreed on what to expect.

The man says he and his coworker, who became a friend, have known each other for about two years and have gotten pretty close. They help each other out with things like painting or moving. When the man moved into a condo a few months ago, his friend helped him paint, and he's wanted to return the favor. But since they're both teachers and it's a busy time with mid-year tests, they haven't had much free time.

So when the friend invited him to see his new house after work, saying it would just be a casual walkthrough with dinner and drinks afterward, the man agreed. But problems started right away. The house was supposed to be about an hour away, but with traffic, it took almost two hours to get there. The long drive made the whole thing feel like a much bigger commitment, especially since weekends weren't possible because of the friend's custody schedule.

Wanting to make the trip count, the man suggested they paint that evening since the supplies were there and the house was empty. He thought it made sense to finish the job now and avoid another long drive. The only problem was his clothes. He was wearing nice work clothes and didn't want to ruin them, so he asked if it was okay to paint in his undershirt and boxers.

The friend didn't like that idea.

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  • The friend got upset and said that if the man didn’t want to help, he should just say so instead of making “dumb excuses.” The man was surprised. He thought it was reasonable not to want to ruin his work clothes, not an excuse. The argument ended things quickly, and the man left without painting.

    Later, the man explained that the house was completely empty, the friend hadn’t moved in yet, and both of them planned to leave afterward. So there weren’t any social or privacy concerns, just a disagreement about what each person expected.

    At its core, the conflict is really about miscommunication, not about boxers. One person felt caught off guard by the long drive and was accused of not wanting to help. The other probably felt ignored after already helping before. In the end, neither person meant any harm, but both left feeling annoyed.

  • SilverLawfulness1588 https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1q7ne2z/aita_for_refusing_to_help_my_coworker_paint_his/ - So I (27m) have a friend from work (31m). We've known each other only about two years, but have gotten fairly close.
    via SilverLawfulness1588
  • SilverLawfulness1588 https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1q7ne2z/aita_for_refusing_to_help_my_coworker_paint_his/ - When I moved to a condo a few months ago, he helped me paint and I've been meaning to help repay him the favor on a house that he just brought.
    via SilverLawfulness1588
  • SilverLawfulness1588 https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1q7ne2z/aita_for_refusing_to_help_my_coworker_paint_his/ - Things keep popping up and we're in busy season at work (we're both teachers and it's middle of the year testing period) so I have admittedly been pushing it off.
    via SilverLawfulness1588
  • SilverLawfulness1588 https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1q7ne2z/aita_for_refusing_to_help_my_coworker_paint_his/ - Anyway last Friday he asks me if I want to stop by after work and see the house.
    via SilverLawfulness1588
  • SilverLawfulness1588 https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1q7ne2z/aita_for_refusing_to_help_my_coworker_paint_his/ - He doesn't live there yet, so it would be mostly empty, but I could finally get a look at it and then we could grab dinner and drinks in the area.
    via SilverLawfulness1588
  • SilverLawfulness1588 https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1q7ne2z/aita_for_refusing_to_help_my_coworker_paint_his/ - I say that's great. He drives and I'm immediately taken aback that the house is further than I thought; he had said about an hour away but it ended up being a close to two hour drive with traffic.
    via SilverLawfulness1588
  • SilverLawfulness1588 https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1q7ne2z/aita_for_refusing_to_help_my_coworker_paint_his/ - I'm trying to enjoy seeing the house but I'm immediately stressed because I'm realizing that this is going to be a massive out of the way inconvenience to do after work (he can't do weekends, as that's when he has custody of his kid).
    via SilverLawfulness1588
  • SilverLawfulness1588 https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1q7ne2z/aita_for_refusing_to_help_my_coworker_paint_his/ - I see that the paint is already brought and I say since I'm already out here why don't we do now?
    via SilverLawfulness1588
  • SilverLawfulness1588 https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1q7ne2z/aita_for_refusing_to_help_my_coworker_paint_his/ - He had already prepped the place to be painted and he seemed into the idea. That way I wouldn't have to do a whole other trip.
    via SilverLawfulness1588
  • SilverLawfulness1588 https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1q7ne2z/aita_for_refusing_to_help_my_coworker_paint_his/ - The issue was I was wearing fairly nice work clothes that I didn't want to mess up so I asked if it was cool if I just wore my undershirt and boxers.
    via SilverLawfulness1588
  • SilverLawfulness1588 https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1q7ne2z/aita_for_refusing_to_help_my_coworker_paint_his/ - He looked at me like I was crazy. He said if I didn't want to do it just don't do it but please don't make dumb excuses.
    via SilverLawfulness1588
  • SilverLawfulness1588 https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1q7ne2z/aita_for_refusing_to_help_my_coworker_paint_his/ - I felt taken aback, because I didn't think it was unreasonable to not want my clothes to get dirty.
    via SilverLawfulness1588
  • SilverLawfulness1588 https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1q7ne2z/aita_for_refusing_to_help_my_coworker_paint_his/ - I ended up not painting because he wasn't into the idea and I just went home.
    via SilverLawfulness1588
  • SilverLawfulness1588 https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1q7ne2z/aita_for_refusing_to_help_my_coworker_paint_his/ - EDIT; Since everyone's asking he had NO STUFF at this house. He was also planning on traveling back that night.
    via SilverLawfulness1588
  • Cheezburger Image 10595510528
    via semenay erdoğan For Unsplash+
  • SilverLawfulness1588 https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1q7ne2z/aita_for_refusing_to_help_my_coworker_paint_his/ - cassowary32 NTA. You were basically kidnapped. If he had everything set up already, he knew what he was going to do when he asked you over. The least he could do was offer you a change of clothes if he didn't give you a chance to pack something appropriate.
    via cassowary32
  • SilverLawfulness1588 https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1q7ne2z/aita_for_refusing_to_help_my_coworker_paint_his/ - OP SilverLawfulness 1588 He had no clothes there
    via SilverLawfulness1588
  • SilverLawfulness1588 https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1q7ne2z/aita_for_refusing_to_help_my_coworker_paint_his/ - wicked-valentina NTA. You presented a reasonable proposition, but I'm not sure why he can't paint with his kid around. Young kids LOVE to help paint. Older kids probably should help paint anyway and pick up some life skills. Just propose a weekend day and make good on your word. Nothing worse than a welsher just because its inconvenient. Suck it up buttercup.
    via wicked-valentina
  • SilverLawfulness1588 https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1q7ne2z/aita_for_refusing_to_help_my_coworker_paint_his/ - OP SilverLawfulness1588 His son is an autistic toddler
    via SilverLawfulness1588
  • SilverLawfulness1588 https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1q7ne2z/aita_for_refusing_to_help_my_coworker_paint_his/ - Hairy-Imagination-28 Put him in his diaper with plastic covering the floors, give him some paper and use the same colors as the walls. Yeah he could make a slight mess but little subtle handprints could be cute. If he is in the same room he could be easily watched. Have a under pants painting party at that point.
    via Hairy-Imagination-28
  • SilverLawfulness1588 https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1q7ne2z/aita_for_refusing_to_help_my_coworker_paint_his/ - OP SilverLawfulness 1588 You do not know this man's child. It would not be doable
    via SilverLawfulness1588
  • SilverLawfulness1588 https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1q7ne2z/aita_for_refusing_to_help_my_coworker_paint_his/ - Illustrious-Shirt569 INFO: Wasn't he also in work clothes with nothing to change into? And you were there after work, so the entire thing would have been equivalent to doing it again a different day after work when you were both prepared (minus the driving time already sunk into this trip)?
    via Illustrious-Shirt569
  • SilverLawfulness1588 https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1q7ne2z/aita_for_refusing_to_help_my_coworker_paint_his/ - OP SilverLawfulness1588 1. I guess he was willing to get paint on his work clothes. I personally was not. 2. I guess it was making me anxious so I tried to see if I could get it over with that day instead of making another trip
    via SilverLawfulness1588
  • SilverLawfulness1588 https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1q7ne2z/aita_for_refusing_to_help_my_coworker_paint_his/ - NotTheMama4208 NTA but this is just so weird. It might be different with women but why not just ask for an extra t-shirt and shorts to wear to paint?
    via NotTheMama4208
  • SilverLawfulness1588 https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1q7ne2z/aita_for_refusing_to_help_my_coworker_paint_his/ - OP SilverLawfulness 1588 Again he had no clothes there. He hasn't moved in yet
    via SilverLawfulness1588
  • SilverLawfulness1588 https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1q7ne2z/aita_for_refusing_to_help_my_coworker_paint_his/ - Chaotic Crashy You wanted to paint in your underwear? Why not ask your friend to borrow- anything? I'm not thinking that YTA, but your friend definitely is not. Being willing to paint is a nice thing- if you were going to get food- why not stop and get a pair of shorts at a store? Going with NTA. Weird maybe- but NTA
    via ChaoticCrashy
  • SilverLawfulness1588 https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1q7ne2z/aita_for_refusing_to_help_my_coworker_paint_his/ - OP SilverLawfulness 1588 As for the shop, it didn't seem convenient. I'm from Manhattan and this was out on Long Island where things are far apart. That may be lame but this is what I was thinking And again none of his clothes and stuff were there. He hadn't moved yet
    via SilverLawfulness1588
  • SilverLawfulness1588 https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1q7ne2z/aita_for_refusing_to_help_my_coworker_paint_his/ - marugirl Is this for real? Who offers to strip down to singlet and boxer shorts to paint a house? Why not just ask if he has some old clothes you could wear? And why can't he do it in the weekend, how old is his kid? Could be something they work on together. If it is real then YTA. Thats just weird.
    via marugirl
  • SilverLawfulness1588 https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1q7ne2z/aita_for_refusing_to_help_my_coworker_paint_his/ - OP SilverLawfulness 1588 His kid is three and has fairly severe autism. And he hasn't moved any of his stuff into the house yet, nothing was there
    via SilverLawfulness1588
  • SilverLawfulness1588 https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1q7ne2z/aita_for_refusing_to_help_my_coworker_paint_his/ - jmgolden33 This is an insane interaction as a 3 year old would have been able to deduce that he could lend you some old clothes to paint in. It's such a blatant and obvious oversight that I actually think he probably read the situation. correctly and you were just looking for a way out... That said, you were under no obligation. NAH
    via jmgolden33
  • SilverLawfulness1588 https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1q7ne2z/aita_for_refusing_to_help_my_coworker_paint_his/ - OP SilverLawfulness1588 He. Had. No. Clothes. There.
    via SilverLawfulness1588
  • SilverLawfulness1588 https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1q7ne2z/aita_for_refusing_to_help_my_coworker_paint_his/ - Calm_Start6742 Ugh I had a coworker like that except instead of helping him paint, he wanted help moving. He made it sound like he had a crew of multiple friends that would be helping, that everything was packed and ready to load into a UHaul and that the distance between the two places was close. FALSE! First, there was no U-HAUL. There was his new boyfriend who had a
    via Calm_Start6742
  • SilverLawfulness1588 https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1q7ne2z/aita_for_refusing_to_help_my_coworker_paint_his/ - Whole-Flow-8190 Or bought disposable coveralls when he was buying the paint.
    via Whole-Flow-8190

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