18-year-old refuses to invite her friend to her birthday party because she's unattractive: 'It would be embarrassing to invite someone like that.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Jan 16, 2026 8:00 AM EST

Her friend needs to make new friends.

Few people are willing to admit they judge others by their appearance. It's obviously not socially acceptable to openly call somebody "ugly" or claim you would never associate with them because they aren't as good-looking as you are. One of my friends is extremely willing and eager to call certain people "chopped" (Gen Z slang for ugly), and a lot of people judge them for this brazen judgment. While their delivery leaves a little to be desired, they claim they are trying to prove that being attractive isn't the most crucial thing in the world, and that a woman being "chopped" doesn't mean that she isn't brilliant, valuable, or kind. Maybe they need to leave that way of talking about people in 2025, but I highly doubt that they will.

While people don't always admit they judge others by appearance, their behavior betrays it. The public at large is much more willing to accept strange, off-putting behavior from an attractive person than from an unattractive one. They are less likely to talk to, or even smile at, someone who doesn't meet their standard of attractiveness, because they fear such kindness might elicit unwanted advances. I don't mean to sound like an incel, but it is easy to fall down the rabbit hole of negativity when you really think about how much appearance shapes someone's everyday life. It's no fun to know that someone thinks less of you because of factors you cannot control.

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  • A woman blowing out sparklers on a cake
    via Ahmet Kurt (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • The birthday girl in this story is not a good friend. She doesn't believe that just because someone isn't hot, they aren't worthy of respect and care. She cares more about what her sister thinks of her than about including her friend in her birthday festivities. 

  • I don’t feel like inviting my friend to my birthday because she’s unattractive

    The title sounds horrible, I know, but it's true. I'm afraid of inviting my unattractive friend to my 18th birthday party I became friends with her two years ago because she was friends with my other friend and somehow me and her got on the same wavelength fast when it came to having fun conversations.
    via u/Scared_Bluejay5608
  • However, when it comes to self care, appearance, and any of that stuff, we are total opposites.
    via u/Scared_Bluejay5608
  • Sometimes she would smell bad and her car is always insanely messy and it makes me uncomfortable how someone could be so low maintenance.
    via u/Scared_Bluejay5608
  • The cars interior is packed with various clothes
    via Roberta Sant'Anna (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • She's also extremely overweight and doesn't really care for herself I wanted to invite her to my 16th birthday party but I didn't end up doing it because my sister kept saying she was weird and my other family friend said that she was giving bad vibes.
    via u/Scared_Bluejay5608
  • Diverse female friends sharing secrets two women gossiping at home excited emotional girl whispering to her friend ear while sitting in living room
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • They down talked her and I felt bad thinking about inviting her to my party because they made it seem like it would be embarrassing to invite someone like that.
    via u/Scared_Bluejay5608
  • Either way I wasn't that close to her then, but now actually I am because I didn't end up dropping her because of her appearance since that felt so cruel The reason I stayed friends with her is because she's genuinely one of the only people who gets me in a really good mood.
    via u/Scared_Bluejay5608
  • Our humor and conversations are always on the same wavelength times infinity but it's so hard to relate her to my other friends when it comes down to doing these girly things like cute birthday parties.
    via u/Scared_Bluejay5608
  • I know it shouldn't be this hard but something in my brain is telling me just not to invite her.
    via u/Scared_Bluejay5608
  • I genuinely don't know why I feel this way, I don't want to be a bad person but it feels like I can't control my emotional thinking
    via u/Scared_Bluejay5608
  • see-you-every-day and yet she's the only one you chose not to invite because you think she's unattractive, overweight, and smells bad, and because you're worried about the opinions of your shitty friends but yeah, keep choosing the judgmental friends over the only person who gets you in a good mood, i'm sure that will work out well for you
    via u/see-you-every-day
  • Legitimate_Two_8474 just be like heyy we're all gonna look cute and take pics!! and maybe she'll get the memo... it sounds like your other friends aren't a great influence tbh
    via u/Legitimate_Two_8474
  • Scared_Bluejay5608 Original Poster's Reply Now why would I invite someone just to not include them in the photos? That's just plain rude
    via u/Scared_Bluejay5608
  • see-you-every-day not inviting someone because you think they're unattractive is so much ruder so why not go with the lesser of two rudes?
    via u/see-you-every-day
  • Scared_Bluejay5608 Original Poster's Reply In my opinion it's worse to invite someone and then not include them because in that case you're just straight up putting them in an uncomfortable situation
    via u/Scared_Bluejay5608
  • see-you-every-day cool, your opinion is wrong
    via u/see-you-every-day
  • Scared_Bluejay5608 Original Poster's Reply In my context though i'm not inviting a lot of friends to my party I'm inviting less than 12 people and I have many other friends as well I chose not to invite because i'm just not as close with them
    via u/Scared_Bluejay5608
  • Patient-Analyst-4099 Have you talked to her about her mental health? Or politely brought up her body odour - a lot of people can't smell themselves. This is a teenage mindset most people grow out of and you will be glad you kept the people who are good for you over pretty but mean friends if you can manage it by the time your mid 20s and 30s roll around.
    via u/Patient-Analyst-4099
  • Key-Ad-9065 who needs enemies with a friend like you
    via u/Key-Ad-9065
  • Mithril_owl A friend you enjoy the company of is a good friend if they treat you well. I've always tried to treat my close friends exceptionally well. They are worth more than gold.
    via u/Mithril_owl
  • Repulsive_Meaning717 i dont know why the hell people are actually entertaining this but just invite her to your party. who cares about attractiveness if shes a good person and friend. also, considering you brought up odor and disorganization, she could struggle with mental health or something, theyre both very common symptoms of depression/mdd (as someone with nearly every mdd symptom)
    via u/Repulsive_Meaning717
  • The_Se7enthsign It's your 18th birthday. You will be a legal adult. Consider this your first opportunity to stop acting like a child. Invite her or accept the fact that YOU are not a friend at all.
    via u/The_Se7enthsign
  • mrwildesangst There are kiddie pools less shallow than you. Hope your friend finds a real friend
    via u/mrwildesangst

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Tags

family friend invitation birthday party teenagers friends attractive smelly hygiene sister ugly
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