Woman refuses to sign a no-pay NDA sent by a now-elected official Ex, she had a brief 3-month campaign romance with years ago: ‘I was 22 at the time and he was 24, I figured I’d never have to see him again’

Author image for Etai Eshet
Etai Eshet • Editor
Jan 17, 2026 4:00 PM EST

A rising politician tried to mail his past a shush order and hoped the paper would do the emotional labor.

This is what happens when someone upgrades from messy twenty-something to polished public figure, but keeps the same instinct for control. Back then, the control looked like flirtation and vague promises that kept someone invested. Now it shows up as legal formatting, formal language, and a quiet assumption that silence should be donated out of courtesy. It's the same move, just with better stationery.

If I wanted everything I'm slightly ashamed that I did in my early twenties under an NDA, I would need a building full of attorneys and the contact information of everyone who went to clubs in several zip code areas over the course of a couple of years. So my advice to our aspiring political star is to just give up from the get-go. I think we all know by now that we're all just people, YES, EVEN ELECTED OFFICIALS. And as people, we have skeletons in our closets we have to live wit,h and that's just fine. Be a grown-up and deal with it.

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  • Smiling woman on sofa while looking at smartphone
    via Getty Images For Unsplash+

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • AITAH for refusing to sign an NDA from an ex?

    Years ago, I briefly dated my boss's boss while working on a political campaign. I was 22 at the time and he was 24 or 251 think.
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  • While an NDA can be normal in some worlds, this one came with a very specific vibe. No money, no mutual benefit, no real reason beyond please stop being a potential problem. That’s not an agreement, that’s a request for free insurance. It also says plenty that it didn’t come directly from him. He has people now, which means he can keep his hands clean while still applying pressure.

  • It was really intense and didn't end well. Basically I was looking for a relationship, he just wanted to hook up, and it took me about 3-4 months to figure out that he was just feeding me lines. to keep me around.
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  • Once I realized that, I broke up with him. He took it terribly. He's a dick.
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  • The campaign ended a couple of weeks later and I figured I'd never have to see him again
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  • He ended up going to law school and staying in politics. He's now an elected official and has been reelected a couple times.
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  • He's gone viral a couple of times and gets really positive media coverage. I remember from our dating days that he has big political aspirations.
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  • Close-up of woman wearing green sweater using smartphone
    via Andrej Lišakov

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • And he's built up quite the network so I think he can go far. Welp, I kind of figured this would eventually happen, but recently a member of his team reached out asking me to sign an NDA.
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  • It makes sense because I certainly have memories of him admitting - things to me as well as my own direct experiences - that aren't flattering.
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  • Campaigns are super intense (100hr work weeks without a single day off for months at a time; people end up doing crazy things to win).
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  • I got the impression even back then that he was surprised and nervous about how much he opened up to me.
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  • Woman in green sweater talking on phone indoors
    via Andrej Lišakov

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I thought I was just having deep conversations with someone I really cared about; it took me way too long to realize he wasn't really capable of caring about me.
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  • I don't really blame him for how he was back then. He was an arrogant young man and I was an inexperienced, naive young woman, and we were both under insane pressure.
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  • I certainly learned a LOT about myself and humanity from the 8 months I worked alongside him.
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  • I moved on and don't hold anything against him today. That was a long time ago.
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  • At the same time, I really don't want to sign an NDA. It doesn't seem fair or necessary.
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  • And who knows, there might be a day someday where he says or does something relevant that makes me want to share something.
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  • I think free speech and accountability are important and I have no idea what the future holds.
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  • But I also don't want to be a jerk. I have no plans to say anything anyway, so not signing would just cause him unnecessary stress.
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  • Because there’s also a neat little moral trap built into it. He gets to frame signing as being mature and reasonable, and not signing as being difficult. Convenient, since difficult is what people call women when they refuse to cooperate with a story that wasn’t written for them. The person who learned the truth years ago is expected to protect the career of the person who benefited from the confusion.

  • He always said I was difficult and this seems like playing into that narrative. AITAH if I don't sign?
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  • ETA: I forgot to mention that the NDA didn't come with any offer of money. It was just strongly worded with intimidating language.
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  • I could counter with a demand for money but that just feels like throwing my morals out the window entirely.
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  • I don't want anything to do with that world. ETA: Wow, thank you for the responses!
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  • I was legitimately expecting a sea of "YTA - why are you being difficult for the sake of being difficult, he can do some real good with his career, stop stressing him out".
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  • Lonely_Noyaaa If nothing you experienced was illegal or unethical, it's interesting that his team feels the need to lock you into silence now
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  • Free_butterfly_ Original Poster's Reply Welp, I definitely experienced unethical behavior from him and witnessed/heard about illegal behavior, but honestly, that's just what happens on campaigns. People kind of lose their morals and assume that the ends justify the means. That's partly how I know he'll go far in politics; he has what it takes. I promptly left that world because I'm not cut out for it. But that's a super good point though that he must have told his team some of his past shenaniga
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  • Appropriate-Roof426 NDAs aren't generally enforceable without some type of value given to the person signing. Money usually, but doesn't have to be. You left out what that was, because I'm sure his lawyers didn't miss that. INFO: what are you offered for the NDA
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  • Free_butterfly_ Original Poster's Reply Good point. They didn't include any offer with the NDA. I assume he has sharks for lawyers because they're the type to start with a lowball offer of $0 and intimidation.
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  • Top-Bit85 Don't sign anything. I wonder what he is trying to hide? I agree with you that free speech and accountability are important. You know this guy is a dick, don't let him bully you into signing.
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  • kehlarc Think of it this way: if you sign it, they will have grounds to sue you if you ever say anything about him that they don't like. If you don't, they can't. This is an easy one. Don't sign.
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  • Hot_Needleworker4631 In my area a NDA has to offer you something in return to be enforceable. Ask them how much they're willing to pay for your silence Based on the number they give you, it would be worth it to try and remember what he said or did that would be worth that figure. I wouldn't sign anything, but it's worth considering if there are ways this person can make your life very difficult and have contingencies in place. Famous, well liked politicians have social capital to spare and you s
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  • NervousBrother 7058 My exact response would be: "lol no" You are not legally compelled to sign anything like this and don't let anyone manipulate or intimidate you into thinking you are. It does not make you a jerk to refuse to put your signature on something you don't feel comfortable with. If he's stressed because his own actions might have consequences, boo hoo. > He always said I was difficult and this seems like playing into that narrative. I think it's actually hilariously powerful for you
    via Free_butterfly_
  • pairedfools NTA: They asked, you don't want to sign. It's really that simple.
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  • Tricky-Fig4772 I'd say that it's a standard practice to cover all this bases. If OP hadn't interacted with the guy in years he doesn't know how she feels about him. All of believe that our ex's will shit talk us! Dude just has a lot more to lose with any hint of bad pr. I'm willing to bet that OP is just one of many being asked to sign. I'm interested in what happens if they say no.
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  • Think_Storm_8909 Quietly spread out a rumor that he is asking all this ex to sign an NDA and it will make everyone think he definitely did something wrong or controversial in the past
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  • MyLadyBits Absolutely not. Document that they came and asked this of you.
    via Free_butterfly_

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